Need someone to talk to

Kayla, I'm replying because I'm one of the rare old ladies on here who has had LS her whole life. So I know exactly what you're talking about. I was an itchy little girl and an itchy teenager. But back in the fifties and sixties, touching yourself down there was considered 'dirty' by nice church ladies like my mother. So, I was told to keep my hands outside the bed covers when I was little. When I was a teen and had my fingers down there I had to explain to myself that I was just 'cleaning' myself. I certainly wasn't masturbating, because I don't remember having any sexy feelings coming from my genitals. I had it from my breasts, that's all. When my first boyfriend petted me I seemed to engage in a way that makes me thing I was aroused, but I never had an orgasm that way. The next guy became my first husband and I quickly discovered that I needed a huge amount of friction (me on top) to have an orgasm, but then not only did I sting and tear afterward, but even he got so sore he soon reduced our sex life to about every two weeks. I had no experience to compare, but I think he found my 'style' sort of wearing.

My next husband was excellent at ignoring how I felt and was super demanding (maybe even a sex addict by today's standards). So I had all sorts of discomfort, yeast infections and gradually a general dread of sex. We were mostly celibate for the last eight years of your fifteen-year marriage. We did, however manage have two children – best thing in my life. Apparently LS goes into remission when you're pregnant.

After him I was aware that my clitoral hood had partially fused over my clitoris – I thought just from disuse, because no doctor had yet diagnosed me. I wasn't in the (excellent!) habit of using a mirror, but I must have looked once. (I was amost 40 by now.) The fusing seemed to open up again when I started to have sex and I had fantastic, multi-orgasmic sex through my forties. Lots of yeast infections, but I thought that was normal. The best thing that ever happened in my sex like was hearing a public radio broadcast by a sex therapist woman who taught us how to 'squirt' fluid. After that, lubrication was never an issue and I knew how to be aroused, so I wasn't just along for the ride. I heartily recommend you look into that if it's news to you.

Once my boys were teens I was really forceful about telling them never have sex unless you both really want it.

You're young, Kayla. And you're smart enough to be here. You really should see a gynecologist. Even better see if there's a vulvar clinic near you. There are many possibilities at your age and stage and you should take advantage of them. There's one young woman on a thread here somewhere who has a bunch of doctors helping her. Another who joined a sex therapy group where they discovered the many uses of sex toys in keeping their vaginas elastic.

Doctors sometimes brush post-menopausal women like me as having an 'old lady problem', but I think you'll find you'll be taken very seriously.

There are some definitely things you can do to enjoy sex, including even surgery if your problem is a fused clitoris.

I hope some of the younger women here will speak up. Do hang around. There's a wonderful community of women of all ages here. Glad you came!

Kayla, I just had a thought – you might even get good news. A lot of little girls never have LS again after puberty. I wonder if maybe you've been assuming LS is lifelong and that it will impair your sex life. Worrying is all it takes to put a damper on it!

Hi Kayla,

use lots of moisturiser and if you have the courage, talk to your gp.  There are products to make things less uncomfortable and if your boyfriend really cares for you, it may be worth giving him an idea of what you are going through.  Really keeping my fingers crossed for you. Xxx

Kayla,  So sorry to read your story.  I have a similar story and thought I would never have a good sex life.  The key to your success is that you have been diagnosed.  I went till my 50's before I was diagnosed.  I used to talk to my husband quite openly about any problems I had and I must admit that this problem does sometimes seem to go into remission allowing some heavenly sexual activity at times.  I have a lovely daughter to prove it.  My husband has been so supportive and my only advice to you is to be honest and talk about things at some point.  Not in early days maybe when you are not sure of the relationship but maybe later when you are thinking of a more permanent one.  To not discuss this problem is storing things up for the future which could be really nasty.  There are things that can be done to help you have a better sex life.  You have to speak to your GP or whichever medical professional you are seeing.  There is a way to have a sexual relationship with the right guy.  Good luck