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Need To Talk!

Posted , 6 users are following.

Tricia55
Tricia55

I know I said 'need to talk', but how, why & what to say.  I have suffered off and on from deression for over 30 years now, I first had it after my first child was born, I had severe Post -Natal depression, it lasted for 3 and a half years, after my second child it happened again, after being told by the medical profession that it wouldn't recur since I'd had it before I would know what was happening and be able to fight it.   WRONG!!!!!  Since then it had recured several times, I have had ECT, which I wish I hadn't, as my memory of my childs younger years are shot to pieces.  The doctor a few years ago decided that it was SAD I was actually suffering from and told me to take more Vit.D.,  I went along with this, I have Rheumatoid Arthritis as well which is horrible.  Sometimes I wonder if it's Karma and perhaps I really am a bad person and therefore desserve all this horrible things that are happening to me.  I had been doing not bad at fighting it until about 5/6 weeks ago and bang was hit with a sledgehamner, I haven't got dressed for weeks now, And although I hate to admit this I haven't actually showered for over a week now.  Anyone who knows me would tell you this is not me, I love to be showered, make up on, out and about, love spending time with friends, but now I don't answer the phone, I know I'm in trouble.  I want it to end, I dont' have the courage or guts to end it, sometimes I wish I did.  Sorry I said I didn't know what I wanted to talk about and now I've rambled thank you to anyone who reads this and perchance answers me.

1 like, 15 replies

15 Replies

  • johneurope
    johneurope Tricia55

    Posted

    Hello Tricia,

    Depression has just hit me like a ton of bricks and I wanted to end it all only a month ago.Its hard work as i have recently experienced.I have started anti depressants 3 week ago and feel worse,someone started a discussion before regarding water so I had two glasses and feel the best I have felt all day lol.I to struggle to get out of bed its were I am now,it's were I have been all day but for some reason my head feels much better,must be the water lol,Anyways if your feeling as low as you sound if there's a friend you can call to pop around for a cup of tea or put something funny on the TV or you tube even try drink some water might clear your head it has mine,for now.You need to get the negative thoughts out of you're head,easily said I know but chin up an feel better

  • johneurope
    johneurope Tricia55

    Posted

    Hello Tricia,

    Depression has just hit me like a ton of bricks and I wanted to end it all only a month ago.Its hard work as i have recently experienced.I have started anti depressants 3 week ago and feel worse,someone started a discussion before regarding water so I had two glasses and feel the best I have felt all day lol.I to struggle to get out of bed its were I am now,it's were I have been all day but for some reason my head feels much better,must be the water lol,Anyways if your feeling as low as you sound if there's a friend you can call to pop around for a cup of tea or put something funny on the TV or you tube even try drink some water might clear your head it has mine,for now.You need to get the negative thoughts out of you're head,easily said I know but chin up an feel better

  • chris14174
    chris14174 Tricia55

    Posted

    So sorry you are going through this. I am exactly the same as you when I'm depressed I totally understand how you feel. I too don't wash, shower or socialise when I'm at my worst and it tends to go for a good 3 months and then comes back every 3 months. Don't give up try and get mindfullness through your Gp it has helped me no end x good luck x
    • Tricia55
      Tricia55 chris14174

      Posted

      Hi Chris, thank you for responding, I did try mindfullness about 2 years ago, it was great while it continued but the group only lasted for 6 weeks and when it finished I found a few weeks were alright but then I started down the slippery slope again.

      I hate this illness, I also hate when people say to you try to get out for a walk, Hahahaha! If I could get out for a walk I'd be half way there, in fact more than half way, sorry if that sounds harsh but you probably know where I'm coming from. Hope your having a decent day. 

    • chris14174
      chris14174 Tricia55

      Posted

      Hi Tricia. Yes I do totally know where you're coming from. I can't leave the house and am petrified if the phone rings. I never understand where it comes from or why unless I've had a real stressful time or trauma of some sort. I know its hard but I've pushed for so long and have finally got a co-ordinator so she can monitor me long term. Hoping this will help. Chin up and try and rekindle your mindfulness. I know it's hard but anything is worth a try xx
  • edmond88544
    edmond88544 Tricia55

    Posted

    Look if it lastet for so long, it means you dont want to give up, you just haven't found the way out. In fact there is no way out. You cannot erase "something" or change it, if you walk on the same paths of its past every day. That "something" same as you and every thing in this world moves on, and changes. It's our natural order. If you look at yourself as a problem to solve, you are not gonna solve anything, because once you accept you are a problem, you gonna be one. All you are and all you ever need to be, is a being full of life energy. And all you got is this energy, without it, you wouldn't even know you existed. So instead of trying to fix the past, make use of your life, to make it beautiful, full of colors, look upon your life as a book, and write as many interesting stories that you can. Become an artist of life.

    It doesn't matter what you achieve, there isn't such thing as fate, that once you discover you may finally find peace about how things gonna go. Why do we wanna know so much what is going to happen before it happens? Why are we so afraid? What could possibly happen?

    Let me tell you a story of myself. I saw at the beach a rock that was very tall and hard to climb. I got close and got the desire to climb it to the top. It was really dangerous. One little wrong move and I would fall down to the rocks and probably be dead. After my desire appeared, soon came thoughts from the past. "You have been swimming for long, you are tired, you cant do this, your feet are wet, you may fall and die, you are stoned (cuz i was :P). My head was bombarded at such a short time with thought full of fear. After that i said, you aint stronger than me stupid thoughts from the past. I climbed it, and that feeling of releasing those fears, got my legs shaking for 5 minutes, and kept me fueled up with happiness for the whole day, and keeps doing the same effect. 

    I wrote this to tell you, that whatever is stopping you, get it out of your way, just ignore it. Dont fight it. Thats what these kind of thoughs want. They want you to fight with them so that you hardly forget about them. Just ignore them, tell them to leave you in piece. This is a process that takes practice in everyday things. Even if you get the desire to eat something different rather than the food you eat most, do it, you may not like the taste in your mouth, but you will love the feeling in your body. The feeling of trying new things, and being part of the natural order smile

    • peter2824
      peter2824 edmond88544

      Posted

      Hello Edmond, hooray at last someone on my wave length. To feel better about one's self they must look at things that are happening in their daily life and start to change one very small piece of that then another an other and so on. All the medication and talking therapies are not going to work until the person with the problem identifies the problem.

      Trish55 knows her problems and very ellequently put them down in words to everyone who is reading and posting on Patient. That is where she should start. Strip down to your buff and with a sink of lovely warm water and flannel allow the water to flow over your body. Keep your eyes closed and try to change your thoughts from those very negative thoughts to lovely calming thoughts. You are answering your own questions by seeking consol from very different people who deal with their own individual problems in a totally different way.

      I suggest look through the many months of anxiety forum and see for yourself. Everyone has the same problem ANXIETY, but no one can has found the definative answer to how to deal with it.

      Do your problem in a different way! Look outside of the box. Do something that only you have thought of doing, to help you get out of that rut you are in. Great by all means try to get inspiration from other people in the same or have been in the same prediculment, but don't ask for miracles. ONLY YOU CAN CHANGE THE WAY YOU FEEL. Best regards and good luck Peter. Oh, nealy forgot thanks Edmond for letting me in to your Post, many thanks.  

    • edmond88544
      edmond88544 peter2824

      Posted

      Thank you Peter for adding to my post smile In fact I can only be more glad knowing that more and more people dont take life so seriously, but chose to enjoy it rather than take it as a problem to be solved in the best way. There is no best way, or a final answer to life.

      How old are you Peter?

    • peter2824
      peter2824 edmond88544

      Posted

      A young 64 edmond with a life of experience from around the world and still learning new ways of doing things. Hope to hear from you again soon Best regards Peter. 
    • edmond88544
      edmond88544 peter2824

      Posted

      Oh im glad you have made it, that has surely enriched your mind with real experiences smile Well im an old 22 and my life until now has been dedicated to understanding how our true nature is. Now my goal is putting things to practice slowly day by day :D
  • Tricia55
    Tricia55

    Posted

    Thank you all for your responses, in answer to some I know I am the only one who can change my situation, I am the only one can get me out of this, it's finding key.  I do not take meds for depression but do take painkillers for my R.A., which can be dreadful.  I am seeing my doctor tomorrow hence I will have to push myself to get dressed and out of the house, I am going to ask him about acupuncture for depression as I've heard it can be quite good. 
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