Need to vent/some advice

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new to this, never posted in a forum before but I really feel the need to get this all off my chest and any advice would be welcome.

I've been on medication for depression/anxiety for a year now (mostly anxiety) and while the anxiety has been under control for a while now, I've recently slipped into severe depression. I don't know where it's come from. And the past couple weeks I've started having very intense bouts of depression and suicidal thoughts, worse than I've ever had before. I've had fleeting thoughts of suicide before but now I go for hours on end sitting in the same position, thinking about how I would do it, what i would write in my note, etc. and it seems totally right at the time but then when i snap out of it it terrifies me that i was genuinely considering it. i've written notes and stuff while feeling like that and looking at them scares me that one time i might actually do it. I think I know in my mind that I wouldn't but when the thoughts start I'm not really myself and suicide seems like a totally viable option.

I really don't know what to do, I've seen my doctor and had my medication increased but didn't mention the thoughts. I don't know whether it's just a passing thing or whether it's only going to get worse. any advice would be welcomed but being able to get this all off my chest and written down seems to be a help in itself.

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  • Posted

    It's important you tell him everything, some docs don't realise how bad it is. We can be so polite and embarrased. Please see your doctor, phone the out of hours service it's serious take care
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  • Posted

    Hi Danny 

    It might be a good idea to try a different medication if the increased dose does not work for you. In my experience I had had to change meds every two to three months as they seem to stop working after that time because the brain just gets used to them and they have no effect. I have found out through reasearch that antidepressants are only any good for short term use just to help you out of the deepths of depression. I am in the procces of coming of mine as I have been on them for 30 years and they are just making me more ill to be honest I have cut down to half the dose now and feel so much better already but that's just my experience and every body is different. When I have had suicidal thoughts I find it's best not to just sit there thinking about it and try to do something to take my mind off it. I have returned to work after a long time and I find that helps as I don't have time to think about how I am feeling. It is hard for me to get motivated to go to work as in the mornings I convince myself that I can't cope with it but once I push myself to get there it's not to bad and I feel better as the day goes on. If you don't have the option to work then I would say maybe go out for a walk or read some self help books or go on the net nod look at ways of coping with the thoughts and depression ect. I know that you are maybe wanting to withdraw and not go anywhere but it is best that you try and talk to people and try to get out of the house as sitting around doing nothing does not help , believe me I know iv done the staying in bed and sitting around and for me it just made things worse for me as all I had to focas on was me and nothing else and that just drags you down further and makes you feel hopless so maybe give it as you have nothing to lose by trying different things. Someone once said to me try to live in the solution and not the problem and I found that that's the best way forward. Good luck and hope you feel better very soon.

     

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    • Posted

      I agree trying to get active can really help. Sometimes people tell you to just relax and take time off but I often find that lets me mull my own negative thoughts over and over. Getting out in public and going to school/work/college/meeting friends can really help to distract you, even if you feel you're not performing 100% or that you're not quite yourself. At least you can go home at the end of the day and tell yourself, "So I didn't get everything done today but I did do XYZ and at least I got that done." That's not to say you have to put loads of pressure on yourself to get loads done. Just aim to do SOMETHING and even if you only do half of it, you should try and praise yourself for that and encourage yourself. 
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  • Posted

    You need to talk to someone about your feelings that you can trust. It may be the case that a hospital trip will be the next stage to keep you under observation until you are more stable on the meds.  Do speak to someone for your own sanity.

    Richard

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  • Posted

     I think you need to tell your doc how bad it is. You have said that you don't know it's a "passing thing" but before that you said that you can think about it for hours. I have thought about it more fleetingly too. I did kind of start to thing of ways and stuff but I never had a plan. And I guess that shows the layers you go through to actually do it. The same as you, I always kind of dismissed it but I'll tell you something, once I started getting help it all decreased. Your doctor won't know that your med/treatment isn't working, unless you tell him/her and they won't be able to help you then. 

     

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  • Posted

    Dear Danny

    please if you can...go back to your gp and tell him how you feel...come on here everyday and share how you feel...i try writing a to do list the night before the next day...even if it is for just a few things...and mark them off as i go...at least then i kind of have a bit of self control and things get done...even if its one big thing and a few small things..it helps with kind of living one day at a time...stay in touch on here and be kind to yourself..

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