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Hi, my names Kylie. Im 21 years old and have been struggling with OCD since the age of 9, and depression and anxiety since I was 15. It all started when I became anorexic (age 15), which didnt last too long because of my love of food...so that quickly spiraled into being an out of control bulimic (purging 10-15x a day). This went on for about 5 years. My mother caught me in the act of purging on christmas one year and said that she would either send me to rehab, or i needed to go see a therapist and get on some meds to try and get my head on straight.
So, went and saw a therapist, who i really did not like...she was very annoying to me and i felt annoyed to have to talk to her, and i had the "who was she to tell me how to live when she barely knows anything about my life, even if she thinks she does" attitude.
So, i lied to her (and my family) and said that i was not binging and purging anymore. Just to get them off my back. I was depressed, i didnt care about anything, i didnt realize the consequences my body would later endure... i didnt care.
The doctor put me on citalopram 20mg 1x a day and xanax .5's 3x a day.
I didnt like the way that citalopram made me feel, so i stopped taking it (without telling my doctor) but "liked" the feeling of the xanax too much..made me care about my life even less and numb to the mental pain that was ripping me to shreads...this unfortunatly spiraled into a deep addiction with xanax (buying them off the street when i ran out of my own script).. BUT i pulled myself out of this...i still continue to take xanax but have no problem with it at all as I have seen how destructive it can be in your life if not used correctly as a tool to help manage your anxiety.
So my doc still thinks i take the citalopram, bc if i told him i wasnt taking it anymore he would take me off the xanax which help me SO much. (.5 in morning, afternoon, and evening)
But lately I have been seriously depressed, very OCD and out of control with being bulimic which i was able to stop for a sold year and a half
I think that i would like to go back on the citalopram but I am nervous that it will make my hair fall out...when i was suffering from my consequences of bulimia, it made most of my hair fall out. Now it has grown back, but lost about 1/3 of its thickness
Ive read that some side effects of citalopram are hair loss.
I really dont want to have to wear wigs again,..as that would kick my depression level up even higher.
Sorry for the super long story but i thought backround of my history would be helpful....So do you guys think that going back on citalopram would be beneficial to me? or should i be concerned about the side effects and try to push through w/o the meds?
Any advice is greatly appreciated..thanks for reading
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