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nervousness, chest tightness. I'm dying.

Posted , 4 users are following.

jim48507
jim48507

Having a terrible day with extreme anxiety bordering on panic attack.  Chest has been tight all day due to copd as I haven't stopped smoking.  Voice is hoarse.  I think I have lung and/ or throat cancer.  I will not go for cancer treatments as I can't handle the idea of going through that.  I'm ready to die.  I just don't want the horrors right before I pass.  I wish I could take my mind off this.  I did this to myself.  I have never had any good reason to live or stay alive.  I've been on all kinds of anti depressanats and tried different meds.  I think I'm better off dead but if I kill myself I'll wind up in hell.  I wish that wasn't the case.  I just don't feel like I can live anymore.  

0 likes, 14 replies

14 Replies

  • hypercat
    hypercat jim48507

    Posted

    Hi well how do you know you won't wind up in hell if you allow yourself to die?  isn't that a form of suicide too? 

    You will get the horrors if you are ill and don't seek treatment.  You will die in excruciating pain as there will be no pain meds for you will there?  You did not do anything to yourself.  Ok you smoke but that doesn't mean you are guilty of anything.  It only means you smoke.   We all do things like smoke,  overeat,  don't take enough exercise etc.   We know they are bad for us but we are all human after all.  

    You have a choice - seek treatment and either put your mind at rest or have the chance to be helped,  or put up with how you are feeling now for the rest of your life.  

    I am sorry to be so harsh when you are feeling so bad but I am just tryng to get you to face reality.

    Why don't you at least get this checked out?  You might not have cancer at all?  If you do then ok review the evidence and then decide what to do.  What have you got to lose?  You can still refuse treatment if you want to but at least you will know won't you? 

    Well done for posting in here.  Stay with us and we will help and support you all we can.   We care about you.  I do as well.   Bev xx

    • jim48507
      jim48507 hypercat

      Posted

      Admittedly I've lived with health nervousness for a while.  I've been checked for all kinds of cancers and tests were negative.  I've developed such a negative attitude about cancer treatments.  They scare the hell out of me.  Dying in pain scares the hell out of me too.  That is why I sometimes feel suicidal.  I know it's wrong.  I hear too many stories about sick people.  I shoujld just not worry so much.  Thanks.
  • carole28488
    carole28488 jim48507

    Posted

    Hi, Jim:  I want you to remember that things are NOT as bad as they seem.  I have suffered from depression and anxiety my entire life, and I am now 67 yrs. old...I live in the USA.  When I was born, I had the look of "deer in the headlights", and I have always hated myself, and put myself down for everything. Now, I am almost at the end of life,and how I wish I had known that every time I felt like I was going to die, starting in elementary school, that I was going to live to be an old woman, I would not have had a nervous breakdown over the "small" things in life.  I have been on every antidepressant known to man, and the side effects made me feel like I was dying, too...Please get checked out for whatever you think is wrong with you...Don't concentrate on "going to hell"...God knows what you are going through, so prayer will help tremendously...after you find out what you believe you have is true or not, then you can go from there.  Did you know that most things you worry about never come true...Take care, and message me, if you need to get any advice...I'm on FB under Carole Newman...I'm here to help....I care!!
    • jim48507
      jim48507 carole28488

      Posted

      Thanks.  I feel a little better this morning.  I got checked out for this already and it was nothing.  But the sensations and symptoms are magnified with anxiety.  and I was feeling pretty anxious.  I'm on abilify now and it;s possible it could be som sort of side effect.  I won't commit suicide but I do think a lot about dying, which is no good.
    • carole28488
      carole28488 jim48507

      Posted

      Jim, I believe it is ok to feel any way you like, as long as you don't act upon that feeling...you sound like you are very young....Please don't waste your life worrying that you are going to die...you can never live if you worry about dying...so glad you feel better...remember, if you do feel bad again, please message me...I've been where you are now, and just beginning to live after 60plus years....God bless...

       

    • jim48507
      jim48507 carole28488

      Posted

      Thank you.  I feel a bit better today.  Too often I worry about health.  I should just accept we all die and stop thinking about the specifics of how.  Just live to live.  I needn't worry so much about things that may or may not happen or that I can't control.  This is what I'm told often but it needs to sink into me so I could get back to living with a degree of comfort.  Again, thanks for the support.  I appreciate it.  
    • hypercat
      hypercat jim48507

      Posted

      Hi I am very glad you are feeling a bit better today,  that is very positive,   I can relate very much to Carole.  I am 61 and the thought of my death is  closer too.  When I was young I could never imagine even being 40 let alone 61 - it was just a blackness.  I have suffered from depression all my life and never thought I would live long at all.  But hey ho here I am merrily (or not so merrily sometimes)  still beetling away at life.  

      The things I regret not doing now are taking all my opportunities.  I now know that it is better to try and fail then not to try at all.  

      You have all the rest of your life ahead of you and while I know how daunting that feels just concentrate on day by day living and try to make your life the way you want it.   You owe it to yourself to choose what you want in life,  what path to take etc.  Follow your dreams.  Bev x 

       

  • carole28488
    carole28488 jim48507

    Posted

    Jim and Hypercat:  I'm so glad we all are better....Just because I am 67 yrs. old does not mean that I am living it up with no depression or anxiety ever again...I just have less time to worry about it then you...lol.....I was born a very nervous child, and I am still nervous, but I have to learn breathing methods, relaxation methods, etc...stop listening to those around you that say they are ill, and are oh so willing to give advise to you...and for heavens sake, don't google your problems...the first thing they do is scare you to death...Go see a doctor, have faith, and believe with all your heart that you are going to be ok...NO MATTER WHAT...Hypercat, so good to find someone on here in their 60's...I am starting more and more to get that "whatever" attitude...I know that whatever happens, I will be ok, and so will you, Jim and Hypercat....XXX...
    • hypercat
      hypercat carole28488

      Posted

      Hi Carole,  I think this attitude comes with age.  I have long since learned the foibles of my depression as everyone is different aren't they?   I have had to limit my life choices because of it but had no choice if I was going to survive,  and I am proud of myself for surviving so long.  

      I have made various suicide attempts through my life but am not going to any more as I am approaching the tail end of it anyway.  I might as well see the it through now to the end.  

      I agree with you - I know I will always be ok and much of the time I am content if not happy,  but then I never expected happiness! 

      Bev x

    • jim48507
      jim48507 carole28488

      Posted

      Thanks.  I threw away the ciggarettes today and am trying to quit.  I feel considerably better today.  When I'm uncomfortable I often fear it will always be that way.  I have difficulty believing there will be relief.  That aggravates the situation.  Today I feel like I didn't think I would the other day.  Hope you're well.
    • carole28488
      carole28488 jim48507

      Posted

      Jim, I'm very proud of you for throwing away those cigarettes...You can be sure to live longer without those things.  I have never smoked, but I have a lot of other physical problems...will talk about them at a later time...Keep the faith, and keep the strength...
  • carole28488
    carole28488 jim48507

    Posted

    Jim and Hypercat....Are you both from the UK or from the states...I live in West Virginia, USA...If you all lived here or I lived there we could help each other by phone and be support for each other....One probably that I still have, and this is with being on the proper meds, is that I sometime feel as if I'm going crazy...I have to get up from where I'm sitting or lying down and just have a different scenery for a while, even if I just sit on the porch...I am a retired paramedic, and I have seen some horrible things...Sometime those things come back into my mind and try to put my in a bad mood, but I try to think of only good things and soon my mood changes..It's very HARD to be born with depression and anxiety because no one can see the physlical condition you are in, instead of the mumps, measles, shingles, etc...It is in our brains, and they can't possibly know what we are going through...Let's be support for each other, and if you both need me, I'll be right here...Will check back often....Hugs and wishing you good mental health...

     

    • hypercat
      hypercat carole28488

      Posted

      Aw bless you Carole.  I am in the UK.  You were a paramedic?  Wow fantastic and I salute you.  Bev xx

  • carole28488
    carole28488 jim48507

    Posted

    Thank you, Hypercat.. It wasn't easy and I'll never figure out how I got through the job. Lol. Hugs
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