New and feel sad today :(

Posted , 5 users are following.

Hi

This is my life- have a loving boyfriend/partner of 5 years who I live with. I am in a job I love and am good at and can make a career of if I want to. 5.5 years ago I moved 360 miles south for work so I have very few friends here other than the boyf. I have never been a socialiser, I like animals overall better than people. I have always only had a few close friends in life as I have never fitted in very well. I withdraw more from the world when feeling down and can find it hard to open up even when surrounded by those who are caring and supportive.

In 2006 I was 1.5 years in the police service when I ended up off sick for 6 months with stress and depression. I wasn't mhking the grade and that along with some oother personal issues was all to much for me. During my six months off work I got bored after a while and started looking after friends pets when they went on hols and went to a local writer's group. That and the support from a very good friend helped me lots. I was on flouexitine for 3 months and took myself of them as they made life flat. I went to 3 sessions of group counselling but felt it made me worse as I could not relate to the people there. 

I was determined I new when life would get me down and I would not let it happen to me again. 

Lo and behold its June 2014 am in job I love and have a wonderful boyf and I finally admitted to myself that I had to get help for my depression again. So for the last 8 days I have been on Sertraline 50mg with mild side effects while waiting for it to kick in. Been signed off work for two weeks (ending the 29/6) have a follow up appt with GP in another week and a half and have had a phone assessment with the local counselling service and a follow up in another couple of weeks and on waiting list for CBT. And my work have been really supportive.

So here I am feeling low today not feeling great crying for no reason and struggling to find the motivation to even prepare a simple meal beyond eating a bowl of cereal when I have a mental list of things I gave myself this morning that I want to do round the house that I haven't even started. Logically I know I should move my but and keep busy even that it can help me mentally. But then I think whats the point and then I get down for another day spent doing nowt. Its a vicious circle  of thoughts I logically know how to reduce but the emotional side of me likes to war with my logical side. So I escape on the phone and trawl the web and find this forum while looking up the side effects of sertraline. Though its 1703 now and have done sweet fa all day besides help get my boyf out the door on time this morning for work its nice to know this forum is here just to open up and stuff. 

Even if there are no replies to this ultra long start of a dissussion it was cathartic just writing this. Apoligies for spell errors in advance eyes still a bit teary smile

0 likes, 30 replies

Report / Delete

30 Replies

  • Posted

    Stick in there ninjagoth. If it helps, do it is what I say. I hope you start to feel better soon smile
    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Hi

      Thanks for your words of wisdom. I wholly agree - just on a downer day which was bound to strike any time soon as was happier for a couple of days. Know my depression all too well smile I have actually motivated my self to heat the water so in about an hour I will have a bath and hair wash then will do this morning's dishes - its not much but its a start. Maybe I'll feel like doing the hoovering at midnight smile luckily my neighbour is very deaf- I have hoovered nate at night before smile

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      It's really hard I know. What can seem to be little things to others take major effort for someone who's depressed. I've had this illness for many years and it's horrible to live with. You are not alone though; this forum has helped me a lot in the short time I have been using it and everyone seems very helpful and understanding smile
      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      It is very hard to motivate yourself when your feeling depressed. People just don't understand how hard things can be. Just having a shower or bath is a struggle sometimes. Hope your feeling a bit better this evening.
      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      I know how awful it is, have been there. I dragged myself forward with a lot of difficulty by giving myself things to look forward to. It might be something as simple as having a cup of tea or trying to read a book. I also remember that sitting there trying to watch tv or read a book was hard because the concentration had all gone.
      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Your so right carmel. Everything is an effort. Concentration is a difficult thing when depression hits you. It's a good job I like football. It's taken my mind off the depression at times! 
      Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    hi bless you. have a day off from it all and start again tomorrow, i find writing things down helps and tick them off as you do them ..keep smiling
    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    This could have been written b y me a few years ago. I also love animals and often like them more than people, like a quiet home life, had years of just being with my partner and nobdoy else but he has died now. It sucks at times doesn't it.
    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Hi 

       Yeah it does suck at times. Sorry to hear about or partner sounds like u had a lovely life together. 

      With animals I find they let u be yourself. No judgement just to be. I am planning on getting some ferrets soon - they are quite comical creaturese I often cheer myself up going on youtube and looking at the silly things animals get up to. 

      Blessings  to you x

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Like all animals and hate anything to do with neglect or cruelty to them. People can be demanding selfish and dishonest where animals never are. People do not understand when you say you have no friends. I said about how I do not have a friend to go with me to hospital for a proceedure and people say well get someone to go with you or you must hve a friend who can go or change it to a different day when you have a friend who can go. Which is ignoring it when you say YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS.
      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Hi

      Hugs

      Yeah for the animals smile

      I know what you mean about people. They often just don't listen or don't understand, especially those who have lots of people in their lives.

      Its a pity hospitals were not more understanding and let us take our well behaved animals with us - people would get better faster I think. And would be calmer for ops. 

      If u ever just want a wee chat feel free to msg me when I am not working I am very much attatched to the web through my phone smile

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      You can feel free to do that tgoo Ninja. My name is Carmel and thanks. I understand what you mean about people.

      I get sick and tired of people trying to advise me when I say I am lonely. They say go to clubs and groups. Like I am so stupid I would not have thought of it. But I have been to the clubs and groups and the people there are twice my age and in wheelchairs. They want me to go around to their house to do their ironing and weed the garden.

      That is not friendship. I have enough to do with looking after my own house and gardens, working, and animals, wwithout going to do it for others too. They can pay someone to go and do these things for them but are trying to save money.

      I do get fed up with people who have huge families and loads of friends saying they are lonely. They have no idea.

      I can go for a month without seeing anyone at all.

      Like the idea of our animals being allowed into the hospital but think it would cause too much chaos and noise and dogs weeing and pooing everywhere! It may sound silly but when I go to hospital soon I am taking a photo of two of my dogs with me. And when my health is better I will arrange to have some photos of me and my four dogs taken together. Please do not ever feel that you must be interrupted if you are watching tv, working or with someone or whatever if I mail you, always take your time before responding.

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Hi Carmel

      My name is Nina. That sounds lovely to go a month without seeing people. 

      Yeah I suppose in reality pics of pets in hospital its better than actual ones smile

      Best wishes that ur health improves and u get that lovely pic with ur dogs smile

      Many thanks smile

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Hi Nina, love your name by the way. It can be lonelyto go a month without seeing anyone (other than postman or shop assistant). But it is better than being with people I dont like. When I feel better and am more in the mood will sort out some photos of the dogs, you can see one of them in the litle picture on the left, Jefrey.
      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Hi Carmel

      Thanks smile and hope you feel better soon

      Jeffery looks cute - I gather he is a chinese crested?

      If I did not have the work comitements I do I would have dogs but I will have them when not working so much. Hence the choice of ferrets - still fun, and trainable but not so demanding of time smile

      Your dogs must be great company for you but yes I know what you mean it can be nice to speak to a likeable human on occasion 

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Yes a chinese crested hairless. Can see what you mean about work, would not be fair to them if they are stuck indoors not seing you most of the time, shows you are a caring person that you put them first. They are good company but they can't send me a birthday card or cheer me up with my favourite meal or hand my paw (hand).
      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      To me it is better than meeting people if there is no closeness with the people, no talking about things that matter. When Ive been somewherre in a crowd and they talk about the weather etc to me it is pointless and boring. I much prefer 1 21 and talking about things that matter.
      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      One of the things I love to do most of all is be in the back gardenwhen it is sunny but njot too hot, no phone ringing, no distractions, no visitors, watching the dogs run around and play and sitting on my lap , licking myface etc. With a cup of tea and a snack, some magazines or books, nice music and beautiful flowers.
      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Sounds lovely smile 

      Me when I'm not playing a rather addictive city building phone game I love a bit of reading or taming my rather wild garden or just window shopping down the high street - I am pretty anonymous as l only know a handful of people in the town and they are mainly my partners family but I like being able to shop unmolested by people and not even worry about buying anything - just having a wander and a nosy smile

      But I haven't done much of that in a while - between work and battling the depression I was trying to deny I felt creeping upon me I have just been zombie watching the tele or napping a lot after work. 

      I am determined to get a grip and #tart enjoying life again bit by bit smile

      Report / Delete Reply

Join this discussion or start a new one?

New discussion Reply

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the forums to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the forums are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the forums is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.

newnav-down newnav-up