New feelings.. Strange.

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Lately aside from a few hiccups in the road I've had okay days.. But now I'm having a new set of strange issues.. Not so much physical, more mental. I just found out I definitely got our apartment we've wanted. We move November first. But now my newest thing.. The "what ifs" ..

It went so smoothly I immediately was worried about what would go wrong last night because it went smoothly. In my mind (and I know how crazy this sounds) I feel like God gives me one bad thing a day.. Almost like he makes sure I'm punished once a day. I've never had good luck with anything. I mean yes, good things happen to me. But whenever something bad could happen, it will happen. Or i just see it that way. My moms always told me I have horrible luck, I guess rhats where I get it from.. But that happened. Now today I had a few little chest pains and nausea that started yesterday (sushi was the culprit) but in my mind I'm saying oh this is it. This is what I was afraid of.

Does anyone else have an intense fear of being happy? Its like I'm actually terrified of happiness because of an intense fear that something horrible will happen if God sees me happy. I have to say everyday one bad thing that happened. God has given me many blessings and helped me through many challenges, so I'm not sure if it's I feel guilty for something in my past and what to be punished for it or if all anxiety people feel this way?

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4 Replies

  • Posted

    When the fight or flight is switched on the happy hormones are switched off. Sadly thats the science behind that. That how the fight or flight protects you. You wouldnt be thinking happy thoughts in danger mode. You have to over ride it with your hierarchy of thinking.

    Become aware of how and what you are thinking and dismantle it as a reality thing.  Nothing to do with God at all.  Bad luck  would be living in a desert in a hut praying for water.🙃

    Might just come down to learning to not run with every thought, dismantling negative thoughts and being grateful and appreciating what you have.

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  • Posted

    When we found this house we purchased a semi bungalow, A month later we were forced out of our old address and the next door bungalow the other half of the semi was put up for sale we purchased both. At the same time our old house went on the market and we sold in three days, the house then was sold in three weeks because the proposed new owner did not want a survey. We had a tenant at that time and we had given notice two months prior. He moved out the day before the new owner moved in.

    The other strange thing was we were using two different estate agents one for the Let and another one for the sale. We could not get our heads around how quick things went through.

    Our new properities have been joined together and it was so strange how both seperate deals were done, so sometimes we can be lucky especially when things seem right at the time, luck does exist and accept it when it shows you a new way forward. 

    I am generally on of the most unlucky persons, Although if something is right there could be something out there who will be sitting on a cloud and ready to give you a shuggy.

    Enjoy your move, good luck


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  • Posted

    thank you both.. so here we go.. something good happened yesterday, now this. never fails.. my fiance had a physical today.. i demanded an EKG because his eating habits are horrendous and he very rarely complains of chest pains but still has a few here and there.. they did an EKG and they said it looks ok, but there is something showing up in the right ventricle.. So they want an echo done. What could this possibly be? Blockage, PVC, MVP, what??? they told him it isnt serious they just want it checked, and also that he can continue excersising.. Im just wondering what they would see. 
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  • Posted

    I feels lot of guilt about stuff and it's hard to let go.

    It's like I don't know how to be happy anymore.

    I ve Not been a saint sometimes and I feel these experiences just add onto past experiences like a mountain of selfishness overshadowing the present.

    Dunno how to let go and feel like people can't let go and everyone knows what I've done. I feel ashamed and like I don't deserve second chances.

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