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Lately aside from a few hiccups in the road I've had okay days.. But now I'm having a new set of strange issues.. Not so much physical, more mental. I just found out I definitely got our apartment we've wanted. We move November first. But now my newest thing.. The "what ifs" ..
It went so smoothly I immediately was worried about what would go wrong last night because it went smoothly. In my mind (and I know how crazy this sounds) I feel like God gives me one bad thing a day.. Almost like he makes sure I'm punished once a day. I've never had good luck with anything. I mean yes, good things happen to me. But whenever something bad could happen, it will happen. Or i just see it that way. My moms always told me I have horrible luck, I guess rhats where I get it from.. But that happened. Now today I had a few little chest pains and nausea that started yesterday (sushi was the culprit) but in my mind I'm saying oh this is it. This is what I was afraid of.
Does anyone else have an intense fear of being happy? Its like I'm actually terrified of happiness because of an intense fear that something horrible will happen if God sees me happy. I have to say everyday one bad thing that happened. God has given me many blessings and helped me through many challenges, so I'm not sure if it's I feel guilty for something in my past and what to be punished for it or if all anxiety people feel this way?
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