New here. need some encouragement while I try again..

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This entire summer I have tried to stop drinking but I managed to drink even more than usual. I began drinking in the afternoons, sometimes the mornings. Sometimes all night, I have tried to quit and I get to day 3 and all the sudden I convince myself it's ok to have a drink.. then one turns into a few days of a binge. Then I try to quit all over again. I'm so frustrated. I'm so ashamed and embarrassed. I thought I was hiding this but I guess that was the disease lying to me. I'm humiliated. I'm a single mom of two beautiful girls. I have always drank ( except when pregnant of course ) but this summer it just spiraled out of control and I'm here to get my life back, to find some words of encouragement as I again hit that 3 day mark again. I don't want to ever drink again but I know the way to do it is take it one day at a time. I'm tired of hating myself, tired of feeling ashamed and living with the regrets. I'm so worried I am doing damage I can not undo, if anyone understands how I feel and what I face please comment. I feel so helpless

Lori

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  • Posted

    Lori , I am you , I totally get what your dealing with , I too would binge for 3 or 4 days sometimes starting in the morning also. I haven't had a drink in 34 days . You can do this . My turning point was a health scare , i was convinced I had drank my body to the point of no return and I thought my god I can't leave my babies they need me . Luckily I ended up having only a kidney infection and all my other lab was perfect , but that was enough to make me put the bottle down .

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  • Posted

    Relax and stop beating yourself up. It only makes things worst. 😊Give me instead a list of your strengths and qualities and work on the positives. You have beautiful children and can stop drinking for two to three days. Why not a few more... you can do it. The hardest are 4 and 5 for me anyways. Love, hugs and courage

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    • Posted

      Thank you. Your so right. I have set mini goals for myself and other.than that just not trying to think about it much. I have had the wolf sneak In to my head a few times but I just quickly shut it down. Not worth the trouble, embarrassment, crappy feeling anymore. Not worth any of it
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    • Posted

      I like what you wrote about setting a goal.  I learned to set a goal daily for myself and that helps too....I always feel good when I am not drinking and I get so confused by those cravings because I know alcohol is going to ruin any good feelings I have.

      As of 15 hours ago...you were doing well.  I hope you can continue to do well.  I have found that after a longer period of time...you cherish your sobriety more and more.  I once had 8 years of sobriety and hardly ever thought of a drink.

      In the start it is a constant thought because it was such a constant habit...Just know if you keep doing the "next right thing" as my sponser used to say that you will be ok.

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    • Posted

      Day 4 and I'm still good smile haven't made it to a day 4 all summer so.I'm happy with this small accomplishment. I thought about it today, I did but thank goodness I decided against it. Will have the craving tomorrow afternoon and I'll.fight the beast then again too, but that's ok. I don't at all expect this to be easy. I'm trying though and I'm letting myself eat all the junk food I want for my effects. Have to get that in control soon though lol

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  • Posted

    Hi Lori!

    You're not alone.  I had to be told by an ER doctor that I'd die if I didn't stop drinking before I ever admitted to a doctor I needed help.  It was just too embarrassing.  I consider myself to be a reasonable, rational, logical person and drinking myself to death seemed to contradict how I thought of myself.  "I should be able to just stop" I'd tell myself.

    I often break-down and "allow" myself to drink at around the 3-day mark as well.  I rationalize that to myself by saying "just one drink might help me get through the withdrawals".  Then it turns into, like you said, a several day long binge until I feel guilty and ashamed enough to try to get back on the horse and try again.

    Are you taking a medication to help get out of the cycle?  Like Revia or Diazepam?  Or you working with sheer willpower?  When it comes to alocohol I have no willpower without my naltrexone and valium.  At least not for the first couple weeks when I manage to make it that long without liquor.

    I know this sounds like a cop-out, but the more times I've tried to quit (like, the times I have made a real concerted effort and been willing to suffer to achieve sobriety), and the more times I fail, each attempt that follows gets slightly easier and I make it slightly longer without the alochol.  

    Try not to beat yourself up when or if you have a slip.  It will just drive you into the ground harder, and there's no need to be embarrassed or ashamed when the addiction gets its way now and then.

    I hope you drop in when you want to get some support!  The people here have been helpful and kind to me.  The fact that you posted here means you're ready and willing to quit, or get control over this.  That's a lot more than I was first able to admit to myself, let alone tell anyone wink

    best regards from canada! -steve

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    • Posted

      Thanks so much smile day 3 and I'm actually not tempted, I feel fine. Mayne this time I really can do this. No meditation, would be to embarrassed to even tell my doctor I needed some so for now I'm going to be strong willed and do this myself, I quit for over two years before and almost a year last year so here we go again,. Its a tricky thing. You see everyone else doing it and it's so common that to be stronger than the crowd is actually a very difficult thing. I have decided to seclude myself for a few days or week until I feel confident

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  • Posted

    Lori, this sounds very similar to the Alcohol Deprivation Effect. I tried to cut back from my ususal 9 pints a day to 3 pints, bit by bit over about a month. All of a sudden, I shot up past 9 pints and into the 12 pint range and above. You do see it quite a bit, people drying out then suddenly flying back into it, past what they were drinking before. Here's what I used to bring my drinking down from the 9 pint per day (every day) in January to a total of 6 pints over the last 30 days:

    http://patient.info/health/sinclair-method-for-alcohol-use-disorder

    It simply quashed my compulsion to drink and aside from taking the medication, it only required a bit of mindful attention to my drinking. No meetings. No "white knuckles" or resisting cravings. 

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  • Posted

    Good for you to recognise the problem and try do change,

    ADE has given good advice.

    What happens for you on day 3? Is it the withdrawal symptoms? If so you might want to see your doctor for detox. Or do you think after 3 days dry a drink won't hurt and you can't stop at one or two? In which case Google the Sinclair method.

    I wish you all the best

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    • Posted

      I am lucky enough to have never experienced withdrawal symptoms, I don't know what it is.about day three just boredom I guess. I kept busy today during day three and am positive I won't have a drink today. I set a small goal for myself to just make it to day 5 then when there hope to extend it and so on. I have my moments I think about my escape, (the drink) but I'm trying to keep those thoughts distant from me right now.

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    • Posted

      Good for you. Check out the link to the Sinclair method that Ade sent you. That might be an option for you. If you do drink it prevents you wanting more.
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  • Posted

    I can't remember when I realized I did not have "control" of my drinking and that the drink had control over me.

    The feeling of something having control over me makes me super angry.  This happened to me for years...stop for 3 days...drink....then all of a sudden I decided I couldn't skip a day.  I fooled myself to belief it was OK if I drank because I was working and taking care of 2 kids and not too much bad was happening.

    Then....it all started...I started calling into work....driving my kids to games more drunk than usual....this was a gradual increase....like YOU noticing that this summer was out of control.

    The best alternative as you know is to stop drinking completely.

    However, if you can not do that (use the Naltraxone method) because...I hope you don't give in to it as I did only to find a year from now worse things start happening to you and your family.

    Lastly, when you are here...you are not alone...so many of us know what you are going thru.

    You are not a bad person....you are not a weak person...you are someone that has a "condition" and alcoholism is a very STRONG opponent.  I hope you find a way to win.

     

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  • Posted

    I'm exactly the same I'm a mom to two boys. everyday I say i won't drink but come 5pm I'm always reaching for the wine. I always feel tired the next day and hate myself for drinking. I feel my health is starting to get really affected too. I just don't know how to stop. I always manage for 3 days too then I convince myself just the one to relax then I can't stop. Feel so upset with myself and suffer with panic attacks which are exaggerated by drinking. Don't know what I can do x

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    • Posted

      Last night I had a dream that truly got my mind rolling. In June I lost a girlfriend Who was ten years older than me but she died from alcohol. She was a good drinking buddy. She started having seizures hours after she didn't have a drink. Was put on medication but she still drank, she died from a seizure she didn't get out of. Anyways last night in a dream I looked at myself in the mirror and instead of myself I saw her. Really has me thinking. Anyways you can do it. The important thing is realizing you have a problem and u can do something about it. It starts with you.

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    • Posted

      Hi hales

      If you can do 3 days AF but then one drink leads to more look up the Sinclair method, there's lots about it on this site, it might suit you

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    • Posted

      I totally agree. Today marks one week since I had a drink, I finally feel great. Woke up, worked out. Am smiling again, feeling proud of myself. I can't wait to keep hitting milestones, I truly feel encouraged and strong and blessed I stopped.

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    • Posted

      I wish I felt blessed...I think you "have" what it takes..the "gift" of sobriety.  

      You sound like you DO.  And hold on to it...keep reaching those milestones...each day gets better.

       

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    • Posted

      I believe that. I can't stop smiling today. Just knowing I made it a week with no serious cravings and no serious thoughts of drinking I feel amazing. I Truly feel so much better than I did the first 1-6 days. I'm excited for the first time in a long time. I see hope finally. It just feels amazing. I can't wait for the future now. Oh and waking up NOT being afraid of what I did or said the night before and having to cover that up withe drinking more really feels good. It is so worth it, to anyone wanting to give it up. I promise it's worth it

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    • Posted

      Hales, check out what your hormones are doing too, that can have an impact on things. Another on Patient mentioned that her drinking started gettting out of hand when she started taking Progesterone. 

      Wrt the link to The Sinclair Method, be aware that a lot of doctors don't know about it and get minimal training on treating addictions anyway. Let us know how you come out on this, we might be able to lend a hand in one way or the other. 

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    • Posted

      Ok thanks. I'm going to speak to the doctor about it and see what they say. Mine is just breaking the habit I'm fine all day then as soon as I come to the evening I feel I have to have a drink one leads to four or five and the cycle continues everyday and every morning I say I won't do it. I drive myself mad x

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    • Posted

      that's a lot like me.

      what has helped me is to do something else when I get in, to delay when I start drinking

      to recognise that sometimes the desire for a drink is actually hunger

      to not drink after 9 pm

      that way at least you cut it down quite a bit

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