New member, really need some advice.

Posted , 7 users are following.

Hi everybody,

This is my first post as i am a new member. I have had a series bad luck over my life. I am 26 year old guy struggling each and every day.

All i think about is how lonely and down i am as i have nobody too talk too. I am in serious debt and i only can get a job working few days a week earning minimum wage.

I have resorted to drinking excessivly most evenings now too the point i can not remember what i have done. I used to be such a motivated, ambitious guy. Well educated and full of character. Now i just find each day downhill struggle and i feel like im loosing my self into a dark hole. 

Im afraid i'll never be happy again.

1 like, 11 replies

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11 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Steve

    You need to get an appointment with your GP ASAP. Also please try not to use booze to blot out how your feeling as it will just make things worse buddy. I used to do exactly the same thing and ended up as a full blown alcoholic. It took me many years to end the drinking and was very hard believe me. I have not drank now for 6 years and attend AA meetings as much as I can. It's been very hard for me what with dealing with depression and then a drink problem as well. I'm not trying to frighten you but just making you aware of what can happen. This is a very common thing and a lot if people with depression turn to drink then end up with more problems because of it. So if you have the strength and will power not to drink then great you will be ok but if you find it hard to not drink then please get to an AA meeting. Another thing is that when you go to your GP they may put you on antidepressants and you can't drink on them. Good luck mate I hope my advice is helpful and as long as you seek help thinks will get better for you

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    • Posted

      Hi Michael,

      I want too stop drinking more than anything tonight is my first night i have not touched a drop in a while, and iv came on here and i hope its a new start. 

      Your advice was helpful. I appreciate it.

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  • Posted

    Hey dude.

    Right, first you need to find away to stop the drinking, because that will make everything just worse continuously.

    With your jobs and debts, where ever you work, ask if they can give you any more hours, and if you feel like it, explain that you need more money because you have slight money problems currently and would really appreciate it if they could help you.

    Because your ambitious,  maybe you should start running or exercise? In the morning or at night depending on your work.schedule.

    Start setting yourself targets and hit them!smile

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  • Posted

    Hi Steve,

    I am more or less in a similar situation right now. But let me give you the full story.

    When I was 18, after years of depression, I tried to kill myself (obviously, failed). After that I went to therapy and it helped. I was still down but I started achieving things in life- got into great university, published a paper, talked at seminars, travelled a lot, met a great guy. Now, 10 years later, I am again in a depression hole and feel absolutely hopeless. Because of depression I've been postponing graduating from research masters for 2 years now, while my student loan became overwhelming. I cannot find any other job than the minimum wage one. I live in a place I hate, but I cannot move because of money and university. All my friends live far away and besides my partner I have noone as my family doesn't get depression at all and still think it is something that you invent when you are bored.

    So- I wanted to tell you my story because I feel we were and are at similar spots. I also miss the person I was few years ago. My academic career means nothing to me right now and I am overwhelmed by... everything, really. I hate minimum wage jobs, but have to do them to make ends meet.

    However, being at this forum helps me a lot. I am in treatment, still struggling but I know it will get better. If you stick around and read what other people go through you realize that there are tough stories and there are solutions. And from my perspective, you will feel much better once you feel you regained control over your life. I don't know how serious your drinking is, but it is important you will stop before it gets out of hand. I am sorry I cannot give you any constructive advice on that, but I have no experience with drinking. But for the rest- get any job you can and arrange repayment of your dept in installments. This is where control comes in. Remember, this is only temporary. Meanwhile, you can always look around for a better job. And loneliness and depression go hand in hand so try to hang around with people. You can always come here for the support you need. If you feel depression is too strong, go to a doctor and for therapy- the sooner the better.

    You (as I) are still in your 20's so there's plenty of time to be happy. It is rough right now but just be patient. Do believe in yourself- you are still well educated, full of character and motivated, just the circumstances put too much weight on your shoulders so you don't express it as you did before.

    xx,

    Syl

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    • Posted

      Hi syl,

      I know i was meant to go too University before i fell into depression. I feel so ashamed of it, but nobody knows as i tend to keep up appearences when im rarely out. 

      I love to go back to education too study a degree or travel but i have no means of finances for that. 

      Sometimes i'm so miserable and unsociable i cant bear to even talk too people however i could be overly happy one day. (maybe bi - polar)

      Deep down i know im a nice guy. i would do anything to help anybody who needed it in the end it was me who needed help but i was too embarrassed too ask for it.

      Also if your like me with Christmas coming up, it makes the whole situation seem alot worse!

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    • Posted

      Hey,

      You mean you are ashamed of not going to Uni or being depressed? Honestly, I met so many narrow- and simple-minded people at Uni and so many intelligent people without a degree that I know that going to Uni does not reflect on a person. Getting education is more about paper that helps you get a job and if you are lucky and know what you want to study- about learning about something you are passionate about. If you really want to study, there are some possibilities- have you considered studying abroad? E.g. in the Netherlands you can get a scholarship/loan for studies if you work 32 hours per month.

       

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  • Posted

    Hello Steve.

    I too have been through stages in life where I felt like I had lost myself but I promise that it does get better.

    Write a list of all the debts you have,spend a day ringing them all up and offer each of them a few pounds per week. They will tell you it's not acceptable but they do have to accept because you have offered to pay it back. You will be amazed at the relief you feel just for making them calls.

    You don't need anybody telling you that the drinking is only adding to your problems,you know that already....If something is going to sap any bit of motivation you do have left,it will be alcohol. Maybe if you allow yourself one drink night and with the money you would spend the other nights....go to the gym maybe or save it and treat yourself to something nice.

    I think the best thing for depression is routine. Plan your days from waking to going to bed. Sort your clothes before you go to bed so the following morning you can get yourself up and out,even if you just go for a walk or to visit family.

    Depression leaves us feeling worthless. Like a shadow of how we once was. It's up to you to start making positive moves to find yourself again......You don't have to overwhelm yourself....just little goals every day until your mind recognises that this is how things should be.

     

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  • Posted

    Hey Steve, I am in debt. Mostly my fault, too generous with money I hadn't got and other reasons. I tend to make progress and then fall back into bad habits that I'm trying to break. I felt low yesterday so I've made a new financial plan and monthly budget. I will probably always be in some debt as I owe alot but the positive point is that we are working and trying to pay it back eventually. Try and focus on things that you can enjoy for free, walks, creation, singing, friends. Alcohol is a depressant so doesn't help, but you probably know that already, but is fine in moderation. Money is an essential for lifes neccesaties but it cannot make you happy, so don't focus on it to the exclusion of other things. Worrying doesn't solve anything, just makes us ill, so try and think positively about what you have achieved today, every day. Pay off one debt at a time so you have goals to strive for and feel a sense of accomplishment (although don't lapse) Most of this advice is from the Bible. I wish I had heeded its advice to not become a debtor in the first place. We live and learn. Wish you well
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  • Posted

    Just to clarify I meant focus on paying off one debt at a time, but still make payments on others
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  • Posted

    If you are depressed, you need a routine or have to set goals for yourself. Being depressed can make you feel helpless. You have to communicate more with friends or family members or do the things that make you happy. Regular exercise gives encouragement to brain. Get at least 7 hours sleep.
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