New motivation/copong skill
Posted , 2 users are following.
Hi there
I really need some advise in some coping skills when I can't stick to my meal plan or feel the need to weigh myself or exercise excessively.
I gave been in recovery for over 8 years and I'm eating well but still underweight through my active lifestyle and my "safe choices" i need to gain weight so I can become healthy to have a baby which is what me and my husband are in the process of trying for.
Though this in itself has not been easy. We are both having tests as it's been difficult for me.to fall pregnant, so I feel like a complete failure.
I know I need to gain weight so my meal plan is now aimed at high calorie food with extra fat protein and carb. Every meal is so scary though. I don't know how to cope aftwr I've eaten it other than burn it all of. I message my husband for reassurance but he is so busy with work I feel awful that this is a full time job for him aswell
I really need some advise or someone to talk to who knows how I feel at times when I feel he need to skip meals, snacks or exercise
Please help. Xxxx
0 likes, 3 replies
katlouise1989 sam23890
Posted
Hi Sam,
Thanks for your message. It's absolutely great that you are in recovery, it sounds like you've come along way.
There are a few of things to consider.
Firstly I would [u]really[/u] encourage having the support of a dietitian if you are planning to become pregnant so they are able to support with the right food choices. But even more significant is to have the support of a dietitian after you have had the baby (I know you're not pregnant yet, but it's good to think ahead). This is a time you will be vulnerable as post-pregnancy can mean you are susceptible to depression especially when your hormones are all over the place, and with an eating disorder it's very easy to try and lose your baby weight unsafely. Just something to consider.
- One of the things which you need to consider is just how far you have come. Be kind and congratulate yourself, you are doing really well. It's also completely normal to have set-backs. One of the things that really helped me is having portion guidance as this has pushed me to eating carbs because I don't feel I'm having too much. The flip side to this is that I do measure and calorie count (something my dietitian agreed was more sensible as I would be inclined to eat under). Obviously I'd like to move away from this, but it has really helped me spread away from "safe" foods.
- While you are gaining, have you thought about being under a health team (GP, dietitian...perhaps some counselling?). You're dealing with a big thing, and having support can help you manage challenges that come up and where you want to give up.
- Mental coping mechanisms. I previously worked with a therapist and our prime focus was on DBT (dialectical behaviour therapy), which is a cousin of CBT. DBT works on sitting with difficult emotions and feelings. Techniques such as mindfulness, pros and cons, connecting with the senses, taking time out in the day to be kind to yourself, putting things in place which you enjoy doing...
For me, mindfulness is awesome, but I also utilise things such as my music playing, candles and writing. You can get DBT apps on your phone which give you plenty of suggestions and help you label your feelings. I use something called DBT diary, but there are plenty of others out there too.
- On following your meal plan and exercise. You need to focus on your goals. Your eating disorder holds you back in every area of your life. During the last two years I've completed a part time MA, and it's amazing to see the quality of my work and enjoyment of it transform over the course of the time scale. Even something like that shows just how much of an impact it has on your competence. Similarly with work, I have literally just got my dream job (starting today) which I would never have had the confidence to apply for. Keep a poster of your goals as it can help motivate you when times are tough.
On exercise, it's a tough one, it can be really healthy to do exercise as part of your recovery, but if you are not medically safe, you should not be doing it. I am allowed to do exercise as I'm at my target weight, and was also allowed to once I was menstruating again. My dietitian has encouraged me to do classes rather than the gym (where it is easy to get target driven). I have a lot of interests so alternate each week with a maximum of two classes. I have found pilates and yoga to be really helpful as it also helps with toning the parts I don't like about myself, but again is a healthy approach. Doing a class you enjoy (I recently went back to gymnastics, which I love!) makes exercise fun, rather than a necessity to fuel your eating disorder.
Finally, you are not a failure. You have done so well to get this far, and recovery isn't a linear or quick process. It can take a long time (I'm 27 and have had this since 11! But for the first time am doing amazingly). Don't beat yourself up for set-backs or for things not happening quickly enough. As a former therapist said to me, "there's no such thing as failure, it's how you learn from the set-backs and move forward that counts".
You are more than welcome to PM me, but you are doing really well!
Kat
sam23890 katlouise1989
Posted
Hi Kat
Thanks so much for your lovely reply and your kind words mean so much.
Myself and husband went for our second meeting at the fertility clinic yesterday and recieved some really sad news.
He has a severely low sperm count and they don't think that we will be able to have children naturally.
It feels like nothing goes right and these things are often an instigator for the ED to start all over again as I punsis myself.
I often compare myself to other and now this is just one other thing I can't have that several of my friends and family do have. I feel like such a failure. If we went down the ivf route they won't work woth ne unless I have a bmi of 19. I have no periods yet bit everytime I write a meal plan down it always looks so much.
I'm at the point of having blue mill now woth nuts on my cereal to ensure I'm using calories hst are helathy and benificoal but also don't add to much quantity.
I'd love to choose cake and biscuits over fruit. Or a hot chocolate over a cup of tea, icecream over lolly but im so safe and rigid about what goes in my mouth thst it's very sad to think I could be like this forever. When I have treat I feel so guilty after .
I use the stairs to a huge degree in my house and this can be ftom morning till night, including long walks.
Days I don't get to exercise for whatever reason, I cut out food groups or ensure I make up for it the next day
We sound very simular. I turn 30 next March and have been recovering from my ED since I was 20.
Your def right about the dietician, tho sometimes I fear what they may say. I like to have a few glasses of wine a night and I'm sure this won't be seen as a good thing. Lol.
I worry il become more rigid about foods if they suggest to much sugar I'd bad/ not to eat to much dairy etc. I've herd it all.!!!!
I'm thinking of joining class in Jan tho I have tied yoga,this doesn't really benifit me. I did do Zumba once and really enjoyed it but I need to cut down on all the rest so that I make thus my one bit of intense exercise per week.
I've been planning meal plans for the next few weeks to include certain foods that scare the hell out of me... I juts need to keep reminding myself before and after why I'm doing it and learn that by doing so won't make me gain stones in days. ... I also need to distract myself after every meal so I'm. Not running up and down the stairs to burn it all off..... I know all the answers. I have had several councillors but it's just me who really needs to what this to actually make a real go and the progress I need to make. I've never gained over 8 .7 stone and tend to stay in the bracket of 7.9-8.4 atm bit I know there is room.for real improvement
Il try seeing if I can find some.stuff online to help me with the after feelings but you being here for a bit would be great.
I'm happy to help you to. Xxx
katlouise1989 sam23890
Posted
Hi Sam,
Thanks for your reply - I'll reply properly this weekend (I need my bed now!) but do you mind either editing or deleting this post. My experience is that this sort of information can be triggering to other vulnerable sufferers, who as you rightly alluded to are very competitive. I don't mind if you private message the same stuff, but I'm just wary that this could be taken in a pro-ana way.
Sorry if this sounds really harsh. I will reply properly though.