New partner will not get tested for HSV.

Posted , 4 users are following.

Hi everyone,

i've never wrote on one of these things before but I'm having a really tough time dealing with my situation so I was wondering if I could have some advice. I'm a 34-year-old woman who has genital HSV one. I contracted it when I was 14 through oral sex. I've only had one outbreak since then when I was 20. I'm not really even sure if it was really one but I took the meds anyways. Throughout all the years I've had many long-term relationships where my partners.it was not a big deal so I've never really had to deal with the stigma until now. throughout all the years I've had many long-term relationships where my partners.it was not a big deal so I've never really had to deal with the stigma or consequences until now.

Fast forward to now. I recently started a relationship with someone that I really like and I think he really likes me . I disclosed my status to him before we had sex and told him I understand if it's a dealbreaker. He said it was not and he has done a lot of research on the topic. We had sex but I noticed that he was not going down on me and generally he looked nervous. He told me later that it was hard for him to even have sex with me in the first place. he was nervous about the HSV-1 .I felt so gross . I really wish you told me when I disclosed to him that he was not comfortable. We talked about it later and he agreed that he would talk to his doctor about it and get a blood test because as we all know he might even have it himself and not know it.

I told him I'm willing to go on daily antivirals depending on the results. I figured if he's positive we might not have to worry about anything.Overall I just felt like we had a plan so that we can both feel more comfortable . We talked the other day about him getting a blood test again and then he told me that there might not be any point because they are so false sometimes. I'm so devastated that he won't even try to get one . He said that to him the relationship does not hinge on this . But it does to me . I don't want him to ever become infected but I also want to feel comfortable having sex with him and vice Versa.

My question is when any of you start a new relationship what steps do you guys take to make each other comfortable . We do use condoms and he said he's comfortable with that but I feel like getting tested and knowing for sure will make me more comfortable as well .

Am I wrong in wanting him to get tested ? Please help me I don't know what to do

0 likes, 5 replies

5 Replies

  • Posted

    I am trying to get my bf to get tested because I believe he has infected me. I didn't have a positive igg, yet had a positive swab. He has told me that he is, and I will be bringing it up again soon.

    I don't think it's wrong for you to want him to get tested at all. Condoms are not a sure thing to keep people from getting herpes. It's good to just know these things.

    • Posted

      Thank you for your response. I hope your boyfriend comes around and gets tested because it's the responsible thing to do . Good luck to you dear

  • Posted

    Genital HSV1 is not a big deal. He is getting overly paranoid about the word "herpes". If you had said you carry the virus that causes cold sores but only had them maybe once, I wonder if he would have reacted the same way. Probably not.

    Even though the IgG test for HSV1 can miss cases (if using the Herpeselect test kit), if it picks it up, then that should not be false, plus there's a 3/4 chance that it picks up cases versus a 1/4 chance that it misses it, so it's still worth doing. It's just a blood draw, no big deal. Make sure it's not the IgM test.

    • Posted

      My whole life all of my doctors have told me it's not a big deal so this is the first time and I'm having to deal with it in such a big way. Thank you for letting me know about which tests to go with.

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