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New relationship.

Posted , 5 users are following.

Batmam
Batmam

I've recently started seeing a woman.  I'm not a sufferer myself.  She had a unique dating profile name on the website where we met and it's code for herpes.  It doesn't actually bother me but obviously I want to minimise the risk.  We haven't actually talked about it yet and I don't know if she even knows that I know.  Can anyone give me tips on how to minimse risk of exposure?  I'd appreciate it.

1 like, 13 replies

13 Replies

  • sweethheart5703
    sweethheart5703 Batmam

    Posted

    I am assuming if she used a code name it is because she wants people to know? I would just ask her and get the conversation out of the way. She might be having anxiety to bring it up so better you bring it up and find out what is going on. Condoms are the best route but also if she does have it if she is on medication that will reduce your risk. Female to male transmission is very low with those precautions but obviously not a zero chance. Talk to her because you will want to find out what type she has. Type 1 is 1-2 outbreaks a year and type 2 has 8-10. How do you know she was referring to genital herpes? Maybe she used a code name for oral? Either way you want to find out where the outbreaks are and what type. You CAN get type 1 on the genitals (from oral sex presumably). Then go from there. Condoms are your friend and use Latex like Trojan not the cheap unknown name brands. Knowing that she has it is half the battle. 
    • Batmam
      Batmam sweethheart5703

      Posted

      Thanks for that.  She used 437737.  If you type that into an old phone is comes up with herpes.  It doesn't actually bother me.  Although I would feel weird if I bring it up first.  I like her.  A LOT.  I'm assunign it's genital because we were kissing for hours.  The truth is that I just don't know.  Should I just be blunt and ask?
    • sweethheart5703
      sweethheart5703 Batmam

      Posted

      Yep! I absolutely would! You don't need to ask specifically about herpes. Just say you know you were wondering when the last time she was tested for STD's was or if she knows if she has any stds. Just say you are OCD but depending on what she has it's not necessarily a deal breaker but that you just want to know. She will most likely ask you in return. If you really like her and she really likes you maybe you can get retested together (in case she says no) and then that way you both have piece of mind before jumping in the pool. I am a very open person. I know not everyone else is, but really there is no reason not to ask. People should want to know. I let my guard down too easily with the last guy and if I dare come back clean I will NEVER risk this again. It is TOO crazy. I asked the questionable guy if he had anything but waited until he ended it with me instead of asking BEFORE like a smart person. He said NO but of course why would he tell me now? Either ashamed or feeling guilty or maybe in denial. The mental agony I have been under has been enough to put me in a mental ward. Also if you DO decide to get tested together make sure you ASK for a herpes AND HIV test because they will not include those. I think the same with syphillis. Basically all the scary STD's are not really included but all the curable ones are. Genius I say! (sarcasm) so ask, ask and get COPIES of the test results. If all is good, then enjoy yourselves and I hope all works out between you too. smile 

       

    • Batmam
      Batmam sweethheart5703

      Posted

      I like her.  I REALLY like her.  I'm not one for subtefuge but I like what you wrote. I need to have a think.
    • sweethheart5703
      sweethheart5703 Batmam

      Posted

      I wouldn't think that's deceitful to just ask. Honestly it's YOUR health that you want to protect right? You don't want to be in our shoes. Please just ask. It's really not a big deal. Say before you take anything further or to the "next level" you just want to know if she has any STD's or has been tested for them. If she makes a big deal about it which she shouldn't you really need to ask yourself why and if the relationship is WORTH the risk (and also if she does make a big deal obviously something is up). Look at it this way, if you break up and you caught something would you be okay with it? Probably not. You need to know. You don't have to be weird about it when you ask, just bring it up casually. Bring up sex topics and then just casually slide it in there. Trust me. If you want your penis to look nice and pretty you need to know what your putting it in! LOL smile 
    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus sweethheart5703

      Posted

      I would keep it very simple and just say that I worked out the "codename", so what's up with that, but no big deal either way, then take the discussion from there.
    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus Batmam

      Posted

      Actually, how do those numbers mean herpes?? 7 is usually L, so I just get "hellel". Am I missing something here, lol?
    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus

      Posted

      Oh, I get it now, doh! Please disregard my above question. :p
  • Chick100
    Chick100 Batmam

    Posted

    Yes prayer always a faithful relationship with God and her support her while she uses antivirals wait after a month learn about this skin condition and the risk only if u don't plan to marry for life I know people personally that don't take anything and have unprotected sex wow
  • FelizCastus
    FelizCastus Batmam

    Posted

    Regarding HSV-2, female to male transmission is only 4% per year of bi-weekly *non-outbreak* sex in a monogamous relationship. With her taking antivirals, that goes down to 2%, and with the addition of condoms, it's just 1% per year. HSV-1 is much lower in all scenarios. An outbreak changes the odds, and so does a new infection, so find out if she definitely has it, which type, for how long, and whether she is on antivirals.
  • amy07772
    amy07772 Batmam

    Posted

    I am sort of in the same situation. I have HSV-1 genitals. I have been seeing this guy who I like so much. He doesn't have anything. He is scared he will get it from me. I'm scared to pass it on. I didn't tell him the first few dates. (We've been seeing each other for about 2 months) I told him after about two weeks. I had to make sure we hit it off. He doesn't want it but likes me so much that it hasn't been a deal breaker. We have our issues. Especially since we are talking about sex. He trying to look passed it but he is hesitant and just feels he will get it even though I told him we will be careful and I can tell if I'm about to get an outbreak. Anyway it's your body you def don't want it so just bring it up. If you guys are to that point in your relationship than you need to ask. What if she has something else besides the heroes. You never know. If someone won't tell you about that than what does that really say about the person you are with and what else may they be keeping from you. Obviously don't bring it up in public. Ask when you are alone and can actually talk. She is probably embarrassed and afraid of losing you also. I'm speaking from how I felt about it before I told my guy. He didn't react so well at first and didn't talk to me for two days but then he texts me out of nowhere because he says he can't see me not in his life and likes me that much. If you can have sex I feel you can talk about it or anything. If it doesn't bother you than it shouldn't be a big deal. Just watch your reactions when she does answer you because you don't want to come across as judging. Make sure you ask questions that way she feels that you are still interested and care.
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