new relationship issues

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Hi I am in a new relationship . We both love each other it's been 9 months now I am 48 years old and attractive. My partner is 50 . He has been married twice And has a 6 year old child. Problem is, we have only had sex four times at my place.which is very standard basic sex. We never had sex at his when his child is there. That I understand and repect. all we do is cuddle . There is no touching or stroking in the bed from him no cheeky naughty try on.. Me I try my best but he gets up or doesn't seem to be turned on. I am not wanting to have sex if he doesn't because of his little one, who is in the other room but even if he made me feel wanted in that dept then I would be happy to wait when we are alone. However when we are alone during the day there is no move on him to even to attempt a quickie.. We are in the

Flourish of our relationship which is very worrying I don't even get full on kissing session with him unless in bed during sex . It's always a peck. He says he loves me can't believe he's with me and wants to be with me for life . We talk of buying a house together etc. He is stressed at work and with money . That's it really and love his son to bits . Do you think I am over thinking stuff?

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  • Posted

    Yes, I do believe that you are trying to find answers when none are needed.

    The secret to all this is love with all it's various manifestations, and he does say that he loves you, and if I am to interpret what you have said, you love him too.

    In men the pressures applied by worry can show themselves in many different ways, so yes I think his worries may be playing on his mind.

    As to the sexual part, as I am 71 years of age (male) and went through a similar experience when I was younger, let me say that the sexual function does change with time anyway, but what doesn't alter, in fact it increases is the caring, companionship and trust that we find in a good partner.

    In this day and age I feel you are very lucky to have found someone who truly loves you and cares about you.

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  • Posted

    Clearly there is much potential in this relationship but I do feel that also there can be problems ahead unless you sort out a mutually acceptable way forward.

    Cuddling is a good and lovely start but possibly he does not - despite two marriages - understand what is needed sexually.   The prescence of a child in the house is not always conducive to good - or any sex. Children are an excellent contraceptive and it beats me how the second arrived.

    But more seriously perhaps.  The way forward is to talk.  Prefeably with a trained intermediary.  In UK we have the wonderful Relate - do please give it a try

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  • Posted

    I have been in many relationships and in the beginning of each relationship we couldn't keep our hands (and other things) off of each other. I would be very worried if my new girlfriend was less than eager to make love with me. When someone is "attracted" to you I interpret that as being sexually attracted almost in the way two magnets are attracted. A very powerful force. If that powerful force isn't there at the beginning of a new relationship then I doubt that it will get any better. Personally, I'd be looking elsewhere before I got too involved with him and his family.
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    • Posted

      But you are a man and she is a woman, and he has worries but did you, and how old were you at the time that you couldn't keep your hands off your girlfriend?

      It is sufficient for me that you say you have been in 'many' relationships, but why did they end, because you were too sexually demanding perhaps?

      Sexuality is a powerful force, however there are very much more important feelings and forces that cement people together, I think and sex drive can be a curse in certain circumstances. 


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  • Posted

    Well clearly moonstar250 is very worried about that aspect of her relationship so it is obviously an  important aspect of her relationship. It has always been a very important part of any relationship I have had and I would be very unhappy if my mate was not on the same wavelength. Sex, in my opinion, is right at the top of any relationship we have.
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