Posted , 3 users are following.
saw a lovely new doctor yday caus i thought i was stressed out n couldnt handle it nemore, really needed 2 do sumthin bout it. gave me a 'questionnaire' 2 c if i was depressed and hey presto, been diagnosed this mornin, signed off work 4 2 weeks n put on Citalopram.
I'm so numb and kinda scared!!!!
I dont think i have depression. Well, more like i dont want to think i have depression. i feel f*king awful all the time like im jus wanderin round in a grey mist that seems to mute everything.
So here i am, stuck at home on my own with nothin 2 do, but tbh even if i had somethin 2 do i probably wouldnt b botherd 2 atch do it. i desperately need someone to talk to, im terrified about the future. Work as a nursery nurse, back at work a week nxt thursday but im wurried how safe my job is caus ill jus b no better or evn worse as the doc said ill get worse 4 the 1st few weeks then it akes 6 weeks 2 even start workin!! :?
Was not expecting this at ALL when i went 2 c her yday. was jus expectin her 2 giv me somethin 2 calm me down n thtd b the end of it
also waitin 4 a letter from CMHT 4 me 2 make an appointment and am so scared about this aswell. well, not son much scared that i just dont want it! wish i could just curl up in bed so tight n wake p from this bad dream. i have no idea what anythin is going to be like anymore i feel so alone like a lost child.
i think its starting to get to my bf too. but evn tho i kno this, and hes fantastic, its like all the feeling are sat there on the verge of my body. i know what i should be feeling but i just cant really feel them. put a bit of music on thismorning as i have always loved music n it never failed 2 lift me up like nothingelse. well, even that isntworking i just dont know what the hell to do. even when im not at home on my own i just drift through my days like a zombie. i may as well be a stuffed puppet or a little wooden girl rather than an actual human being.
i cant beleive all this time iv felt like this, this has been the problem. i would never have evn drempt id ever have something as nasty as this feels. and now i have the deep dread that im unsure of everything there is to be unsure about and that it is going to be a long process to get back to my usual self, tho that possibility is feeling like its drifting away like a distant past life. :cry:
Can neone else relate?
Please reply. :oops:
0 likes, 10 replies