New to anxiety... I think
Posted , 5 users are following.
Here goes... I'm a 37 your old married father of two little kids. I have what many would consider a good life. About a year and a half ago, I came home from working on a high stress project (consultant), which I had been working on for a few months, ate some veggie sushi, sat on my bed and played a board game with my kids. About 10 minutes after laying down, I got hit with a couple of huge hot flashes from head to toe, accompanied by lightheadedness and a strong sensation of worry.
I went to sleep and was convinced it was some contaminate in the sushi. I woke up in the middle of the night with terrible IBS, that lasted for about 3 weeks. Then I went on to develop constant chest pain (not deep, but like in the ribs and muscles. Sharp, stabbing.), lightheadedness, and palpitations. The IBS eventually faded to pre-incident levels (which has always meant that I just need to be careful, or be near a toilet), and have not gone back to those terrible few weeks. The other symptoms, however, remain to this day.
I'll have days where I feel great, but then I'll have a few palpitations (which btw is a feeling I had never ever had prior to this), and it will really exhaust me. Or, I'll sit down to do some work and be overcome with lightheadedness, where I need to spend the rest of the day in bed. My average stress level is really not that high. It has moments, but I've always been the kind of person that performs really well in stressful situations. I played a semi-pro sport when I was younger (and still was playing in a recreational league until this started), and I've got no issues talking in front of a crowd or any of those other anxiety inducing situations. Which reminds me, one of the really bizarre symptoms that I have had every day since this started is a popping in one of my ears. Every 20 minutes or so... pop.
My symptoms come out of nowhere. For instance, twice now in the last month, I sat down to eat dinner, got about halfway done and got nailed by a hot flash and lightheadedness. After a year+ dealing with this, I no longer go straight to bed, but even right now, I feel exhausted after going through one of those dinner episodes tonight. It took everything in me to convince myself that my throat wasn't closing as well. Had all the tests (abdominal ct, full cardio workup, multiple ekgs in Cardiologist and several ER visits, blood work, etc), and just like many of you, I look like a perfect freaking specimen on paper. Keep in mind that I hadn't been to the Dr in years, like prior to electronic records. Now my record is a never ending scroll of "nothing wrong, maybe anxiety".
About 2 years prior to this starting, I had quit drinking alcohol, coffee, and my only real vice was a few cigars a week on the golf course. I never used recreational drugs. About 6 months ago, I decided to try alcohol again over about a 8 week period. It got to the point where the next morning, I would get the "elephant on my chest" feeling. These were the deep, inside the frame, heart attack, kind of pain, sometimes lasting several hours. More ER visits, more normal tests.
Sleep has been my savior in all of this. I can usually go to sleep and wake up reset. There have been a few occasions where I woke up with full blown, tremor, panic attacks. One time, my heart beat was like a conga drum. Fortunately, that was a one time deal, and as soon as I hit the ambulance stretcher, it stopped.
The Cardiologist asked me to try Buspirone, which I did... but I have to tell you, this stuff actually "gave" me what I would consider typical anxiety symptoms in all situations, so I stopped. I haven't tried any other drugs since then, but after tonight, I'm really considering trying something new. I guess I still have this deep seated fear that something is messed up in my back/neck, as I've always had minor back problems and a stiff neck from playing sports for so many years and being tall, and maybe the anxiety is just a layer on top of that. Then I read forums like this and it really makes me think that anxiety is the real culprit.
As I sit here, I have an air quality sensor next to me, because I've found that I don't get lightheaded if I keep the window open near my desk. Of course, it says the air is fine.
I don't know what I'm hoping to get from this post, maybe just any thoughts you might have. Appreciate it.
0 likes, 8 replies
kyle99 chris19923
Posted
Hi Chris, you're definitely doing the right thing getting these off your chest for other people to help you. That's literally the best start to take toward recovering. I am so happy you've decided to take this step and know that there will always be someone there to reassure you that you're not going insane!
I have the feeling that when you had that sushi you may have been particularly anxious about the potential issues surrounding eating contaminated sushi as some cases can be quite severe to the point of requiring hospitalisation. Although, from what I can see it appears you might have been projecting existing stresses and fears onto this moment in which you were ill from the food you ate.
First thing I need to say is that the sushi has not caused you to get anxiety. As much as you might question hypothetical scenarios about being the 1 in a million that has gotten an anxiety disorder from sushi you should realise that the tests are coming back as golden, and you should definitely be happy about that. I think with the scare you've had you have likely attributed some actions in your life that you never gave second thought about to the anxiety you're facing now. I have suffered with anxiety since I was 17 which I believe has stemmed from violent bullying that went on during my school life, and believe me when I say this - if you're anxious your brain will project that emotion onto so many normal and regular parts of your life.
I would suggest some light talking therapy specifically about your apprehension toward eating at dinner time as it definitely sounds like you have reservations about eating in a particular setting which is maybe caused by the potential food poisoning from eating sushi. It will be of great benefit to put these hypothetical scenarios to rest in your head, as at the end of the day they are just thoughts that an anxious mind use to throw us off our stride.
I have been convinced multiple times during particularly bad panic episodes that my blood pressure was rocketing sky-high and my heart felt like it was a massive drum in my chest as I could see the beats of my heart literally shaking my stomach. I live with my aunt and she has a blood pressure monitor in her house and I took it and... normal blood pressure with a resting heart rate of 69bpm. For some that could be reassurance but for me I was only asking more questions like "Well why do I feel like my heart is pounding? Why does my heart rate fluctuate so much when doing something so simple as standing up?" and honestly, the answer is just the nerves associated with anxiety and the feedback loop of projecting the cause of anxiety onto things that are normal only accelerate that dreaded feeling.
You sound like you're active and getting plenty of exercise in which is definitely good to keep at. I wish I had more to say for myself in that regard. I would avoid alcohol if you are feeling the way you are as being in a mentally vulnerable state can lead you to take choices that aren't always the best. Your mention of Buspirone is definitely interesting as you mentioned how it exasperated your anxiety symptoms and gave you the more traditional effects of anxiety. I would like to know how long you used it for as some medications have the paradoxical tendency to heighten anxiety before any therapeutic benefit is received. It is worth to mention that a lot of medications designed to treat anxiety work by correcting potential imbalances within our brain, and if it was causing more anxiety it could be that you are fine chemical wise, which is another reason to say to yourself that some of your worries are possibly exaggerations of the regular toils of life.
I like the idea of the air quality sensor, and fresh air is definitely of real therapeutic benefit. I hope you find that you're not alone in the worries you have and that anxiety is just so deceptive at making you feel like you're broken compared to the average person and we need to realise that is exactly what anxiety does and is what it does best. You're doing nothing wrong in your life and you don't deserve to give any anxious thoughts the time of day.
I wish you the very best Chris, and I hope you get over the feelings you have and return back to your regular self.
Take care, Kyle.
chris19923
Edited
Kyle, appreciate the response. Makes me angry that so many of you have symptoms like this at such a young age. You are in your prime, and I can only hope that you find long term relief for your ailments. To answer your question about Buspirone, I don't remember exactly, but it was at least 4 weeks plus another week of weaning off the minimum dosage. About 2 weeks in is when I started to have the more "traditional" anxiety feelings: small spaces, crowded rooms, etc. These are feelings that I've only had while on Buspirone. Good luck my friend.
kyle99 chris19923
Posted
Hi Chris,
It does really suck as I get a lot of thoughts about this ruining my life and leaving me unfulfilled with everything, even though I know I am doing nothing wrong. I have friends, and family that are around me supporting me. I just think I was dealt an awful card but it has shown me a lot in the way of maturity and compassion for others which I am grateful for, I feel like I resonate better with people who are slightly older than me as I feel like the negative experiences in my life have taught me wise lessons.
I hope you're doing well Chris and find solace in that these feelings do not last forever, there are so many different methods and approaches when it comes to anxiety and there is never a shoe that's quite the same for everyone. Remember too that your anxiety is no less valid from anyone else and we're all entitled to feel the way we do without fear of being judged for it. You will get to the light at the end of the tunnel and I genuinely think some talking therapy will help you compartmentalise the triggers and stressors that have caused this. Understanding the problem and having the will to fix it is half the battle, but you can and will be doing the hard work. Take each day as it comes and remember that no matter what any anxious thoughts say you are totally in control with everything in life.
It does seem like a lot of your anxiety is physical, rather than mental and I think it would be good to discuss with a healthcare professional the prospect of trying a medication such as Propranolol. I will preface this and say I am not in any way, shape, or form a healthcare professional or provider so you should speak with your doctor beforehand about this. About the Buspirone I can still see that potentially being the initial anxiety of starting a medication of its calibre. I had an awful initial response to Celexa (Citalopram) 10mg at the start of 2018. I was extremely unwell, lethargic and a nervous wreck in general. I was unable to leave my bed for around 3 month and I lost so much weight in such a short space of time (24kg in 2 months) but it did lift and although I found limited efficacy with the medication I understood what I was feeling initially was my body adjusting to the medication.
Like I say everyone is different and everyone responds to medication differently, we'd all be laughing if there was one drug that we took which cured all of our anxieties with no side effects. Just keep soldiering on, you've done it for nearly twice as long as I have been alive and I am damn sure you can keep marching on in no time!
chris19923
Edited
Kyle, glad to hear you have support around you. I, too, know that you'll get this figured out eventually. While I had no real expectations about posting here, I'm glad I did it, as it's really the first time I've written down the history, albeit summarized, of how it unfolded. One thing I've also realized is that visiting this site too often is making me think about anxiety more than I would otherwise. I think I'm going to lay low for a while and have some new discussions with the Docs. Wish you all the best.
kyle99 chris19923
Posted
Hi Chris,
I am really happy you're making some decisive choices in your life and no matter what you are doing now it is the right steps to be taking.
It makes me smile knowing that you are glad to have posted here and I am hopeful some of what I have said can be of some comfort. I have always been tepid myself about writing down my history for the whole world to see as I bottled up my past quite a lot and just learnt that sometimes it does help to speak out so others can sympathise and rationalise some of those thoughts. I was violently bullied for years in my life growing up due to being heavy set for my whole life and those times I pushed really far back into my mind, so as not to think about them. This worked until starting university, and that seemed to trigger them all back. Speaking about these now really does help with understanding my self-confidence issues and gives me realistic goals I can set to achieve.
It takes a long time to get acquainted to these feelings but only you know yourself best at the end of the day and you should always make the choices that make you smile, always remember to love yourself. As for your comment about the site bringing up anxiety I have a very similar situation to an abusive friend who stole a lot from me in the past - we share the same friendship group and it is very distressing when I see them because it brings up a lot of my insecurities. If taking time away from this site will provide you an avenue to not think about it, then I wish you the absolute best in life and hope you go on and continue to do great things! Just remember, if you are ever in need of any support you can send me a message. I may not be on a lot, as sometimes I don't visit the site out of the same fear of it triggering my anxiety but when I am in need of a lot of support I find this site helps remind me I am not alone.
I think you're making a good choice discussing this with your doctor as they can give you professional support and are always there to treat you.
All the best in life,
Kyle
chris19923 kyle99
Edited
Sorry to hear that you went through that. Screw those bullies. Just keep being you and don't ever be ashamed of that. I've struggled with some weight gain during this anxiety period, and I can definitely tell you that losing any bit that you can certainly helps to relieve some of the health concerns. Anyhow, I'm definitely checking out for a while. Good luck, and best wishes.
PShipmanSmith chris19923
Posted
It is a difficult question to ask yourself if you are new to depression or anxiety and it can be even harder when trying to pinpoint the beginnings of the problem.
Going back to the start of your post, you mentioned your high stress project - which seems to indicate that you are working under a lot of pressure in your job.
At the same time, you are juggling marriage and family life. All this can create a build-up of stress over time and lead to anxiety. Yet, at the same time you appear to have been handling your busy life well - up until the incident after the sushi.
For a start, you have explored the physical symptoms of your condition and medical advice has not been conclusive. This could lead to the possibility that your symptoms are psychological and could be stress related.
Throughout your post, you have mentioned stress and this stress may be - at least partly - a contributor to your situation. Your stress levels may not be high. However. Low stress levels can build up to over time. Even if your perform well in stressful situations and are one of those who 'thrive on stress'.
When you go home after your stressful day and try to relax, the physical and psychological symptoms of stress will still be in your system. Throughout the working day, the stress was beneficial as you were 'working it off'.
After work, you may find yourself feeling 'hyped up' or 'unable to switch off'.
You have detailed your physical symptoms and stress appears to the trigger.
You've already undergone various medical examinations that appear to have no avail. However. Should you feel that further physical explorations are necessary - or it is recommended by the doctor - then it will be of benefit to undergo these tests.
If you are still worried about your physical symptoms, then you may need to ask for a 'second opinion' or further tests. However. You do seem to have undergone many examinations.
As you have already mentioned in your post, the doctors have mentioned anxiety.
This is the time for you to consider the services of a counsellor/therapist who can help you to explore the origins of your anxiety and stress. Although you have not experienced your symptoms until recently, the origins may have begun many years before.
Perhaps you have been 'a high functioning' person who has thrived on stress/anxiety and even depression.
This inner confidence issue suddenly catches up with you....It 'hits you out of the blue'. This can be caused by not being aware of the stress building up.
Counselling will help you to explore your stress and anxiety from the psychological side, such as what may have caused it in the first place.
At the same time, you will be able to look at ways of accepting the physical symptoms and dealing with them as they arise. You may be able to to learn some techniques to handle the physical symptoms and a counsellor will even suggest some 'self-help' such as books, classes or groups.
Examples such as learning of ways to relax could be used. Physical exercise such as walking, swimming or going to the gym may also help and you may be advised about this.
On a final note. It may be worth looking into your symptoms when sitting down to dinner. Psychological trauma can occur at the dinner table because there is a lot of guilt associated with food and dinner time. School dinner time....Someone was shamed....Someone cried...
Have you at all investigated the possibility of food allergies? Just a thought worth mentioning as you experience IBS and appear to be physically ill during and after meal times. Food allergies can affect people in different ways. Irritable bowels can be caused by stress and anxiety. Food allergies can produce many symptoms from different foods/drink.
Your posts do suggest that you have dealt with bullying because of your weight, which could mean you are experiencing some 'buried trauma' from your younger years. This could be triggered at meal times. Any food allergies could be part of this trigger effect.
If physical examinations give no explanation, counselling and self-help techniques could help you to deal with these episodes.
Your various physical experiences must be frightening for you. However. Even if you cannot yet control these physical symptoms, learning how to accept and understand them will make life a little more comfortable.
Much of your experiences appear to have manifested very quickly, yet built up slowly over many years. Everything is happening all at once for you.
Unfortunately. It is likely to be a long journey - rather than an overnight 'quick fix' - so will take time to work through and understand your situation. Regular counselling will help you to tackle your problems and give you the opportunity to undergo that emotional release.
Your problems may have appeared very suddenly, but will gradually settle over time. It's a case of time and patience.
ccosta chris19923
Posted
I hear where you are coming from. Mine started 9 months ago and it's been the worse part of my life for sure. Like you, I did all the tests and all come back clear on paper. It's anxiety and once it's triggered, no way to "stopping it". We have to fond ways to accept it and stay positive. If we worry, the cycle continues.