New to forum and struggling

Posted , 6 users are following.

Hi just joined this forum as struggling at the moment with my fibro which I have had for 30 years on and off, one thing I find hard to deal with is lack of support and understanding from family and friends, recently I have been very supportive to some friends and been there when they've needed me and now I have a flare up and was hoping for some support they all seem to disappear! Anyone else find this?

Thanks

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13 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi,

    Yes i do find this happens alot,i think its because although i am in pain its not visible,I have stopped moaning as my kids call it an really try to just get on with it,I still manage the house chores i cook everynight washing ironing everything ,i suffer for this later in the night but like u said it is very lonely ,Your not alone is what i am saying xx

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  • Posted

    Yes find it all the time my husband will say he know how pain I am in

    But I have to do everything inside and out while he sit in front of TV or

    Computer never seen anyone so lazy would have years ago if I had any

    Money

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    • Posted

      It makes my blood boil when I read similar stories where usually it is the ladies with FM who are expected to carry on as normal whilst their man does sod all to help.

      I consider myself to be an average guy but I could not just allow such a thing to happen. Shameful is a polite word that comes to mind.

      Cheers Richard

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    • Posted

      Thankfully no Husband,2 grown up Daughters who do nothing around the house,but they do work very long hours,i am only part time,I do everything an try not to moan just double up on painkillers for a decent night sleep if there is such a thing.
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    • Posted

      We'll at least that's one less person to have to look after but I cannot help thinking that your daughters even though they work long hours could be sharing the load a wee bit.

      Hope you get a bit more support in the not too distant future.

      Cheers Richard

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    • Posted

      I must admit they do not bother anymore as they do not see the point ,if they clean i will only go an clean over it so my fault really,will not be able to much longer as Athritis is getting really bad in my hands to the point where i am dropping things,thats another story,Thank you for your kind words.
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  • Posted

    I think this is sadly a reflection on life these days. Take, take, take.

    Of course one of the problems is that outwardly most people with FM look perfectly fine though it should be possible to see their pain and discomfort in their faces. I know I can see it in my partners face when she is going through a bad patch.

    All the very best.

    Richard

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  • Posted

    Hi Kate,

    Please don't feel alone with this, I know exactly how you feel.. I have had fibro for nearly 3 years now and still my family and friends don't understand it or show any sympathy for how I feel and what I go threw everyday. I'm just a young 27 year old mum who does everything in the house and for the kids whether I feel unwell or not.. I have had all sorts of things said to me over the years like... You just need to give yourself a shake and get on with things or I get its really about time you found a job and got back into work again. It's so furstrating but I think it's all down to the fact that other people can't see your pain and how ur feeling from the outside.

    I have a boyfriend who on many occasions makes digs like "stop being lazy" or " can you hear that violin stop moaning".

    Take care of yourself and don't be hard on yourself. Do what u can and you find in times like this that you need to look after yourself and put yourself first. Xx

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  • Posted

    Thanks to you all for replying see that I am not alone! My husband actually isn't too bad but my three sons are very lazy and oblivious to my struggle as you say it all falls on us to keep everything going plus I have a job as well, the fatigue is one of worst things I think as every task becomes such a monumental effort.

    Best wishes to all of you xx

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    • Posted

      So important that you have a supportive partner when struggling with pain, stress and fatigue but perhaps your sons are not old enough to appreciate what you are having to deal with. If they are old enough then hubby needs to take them to one side and get them to take their share of running the house.

      All the best

      Richard

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  • Posted

    i think hoping can be disapointing. you have to ask and that is hard, but if you think of those poeple who can often be very needy and taking, the one thing they do is ask, sometimes they ask so much of everyone around them that they get a bad rep, but one thing ive noticed i have in common here is that people who have fibromyalgia {and im not sure what i have tbh with you i have doctors who wont even listen to my weird heart thing so im too mad at them to even go back again, i will go to someone different when im near a different town but for now the ones here i cant even think about them without getting annoyed} but i am noticing the theme that is looking after otehrs struggling through the days chores without help and i see that in myself as well. helping others definitely make you feel better and stronger when you feel weak all the time its nice to be able to help others but when they do not help back i dont know if its worth it. especially if they take away from you looking after yourself. i used to take so many calls from friends in need, and i would end up forgetting to go for my walk or do my stretches or get to bed early etc, things i needed to do for me, and then when i realised that all these calls i was like a samaritan listening to people who were seriously depressed and even mentally ill and creating drama after drama, i just had to start saying no and i cut them all out because it just wasnt really bringing anything good to my life. and it was taking me away from taking care of myself. do you find after dealign with a friends problems that you end up having a flare up? cos i know i did. and i must say i am pretty alone now i havent replaced all my old samaritans callers with happy energetic fun people, so i dont know which is worse, having crappy friends, or having none but yourself. i mean at least im not getting drained. but its so hard to really focus on your own needs and be "selfish" , sometimes the better support can be from my dog to be honest. a nice walk in the woods and i think ah the trees are good friends. thats kind of sad and maybe im isolating myself because everyone has problems but i do think the people i had in my life were particularly draining. youve heard the saying "fair weather friends" wlel these were like the opposite, they would only call me when there was a crisis, one girl woudl call for hours sometimes multiple times a day for suport in her drama and then when everything was going well she had money and went out partying and things and i would call her and she would isntantly say can i call you back i am just about to hop on a rainbow rocket with my unicorn and then shed forget to call me back untill she fell off her unicorn and hurt her back and then boy would she suddenly be free to chat. shed often start not with hello, btu straight into, blah blah blah her drama before i would even have the chance to say actually iam in the middle of dinner with my kids. sometimes i would put the phone down and shes just keep rabbitting on and on and id occasionally say oh yeah, or uh huh, and she wouldnt even notice that id stopped listening. because it wasnt me she wanted it was an audience for herself. i could have been anyone at all. so i had to stop that, and id been best friends with her for 20 years at least through the bad times. so thats where i am now. have cut off a lot of people just trying to focus on myself. my wrtists are killing me today typing this is v uncomfortable, super sharp stabbing pain, i have to make sausages for the kids, i think its actually too bad it feels not just like pain but damage is happening, i have a really high threshold to pain which is great but i went five years not realizing ai had whiplash. i dont know whats wrong with me. i hope its ok that im on this forum even though i do not know what it is. it feels like my joints are pulling apart and i have the flu. ok my brain is paralysed with teh stress of having to make sausages now. isnt that mad. to be overwhelmed by the prospect of sausages. seems so silly, 

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    • Posted

      Dear Eli

      Great that you have shared so much information, but to be honest my eyes glaze over with so much unrelieved text without a visual pause for breath<BG>. Some paragraphs would make the reading so much better ... just saying.

      Cheers, Richard

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