New to Group and needing some help...
Posted , 8 users are following.
Good morning to you all and Seasons greetings..
I woke up today and actually owned my alcohol problem, in otherwords I have been fully aware especially this year that I have issues, but chose not to find a solution up until now..
My alcohol problem has escalated this year, it's been a nightmare 2016, where I have left my girlfriend of 16 years and had to leave my life behind in Hertfordshire to relocate to Cornwall. My Mother died 10 weeks ago from Cancer and my Father has early Dementia, my older brother who is more local to Dad has turned his back, so it's just me and with very little support. Leaving my home, my friends, my job, my girl, my 2 dogs, my ability to earn a good living It's all taken a terrible toll the past few months.
Prior to to this, I was still drinking every night due to relationship issues, so It's probably about 18 months of alcohol abuse, before this my pattern of drinking was binge drinking friday, Saturday and Sunday and then alcohol free Monday through to Thursday. I never have felt the need to drink during the day, but I get excited when I get to about 20:00 and I can crack open the first strong beer or cider, a typical intake for me, would be approximately: 4/5 500 ml bottels of strong Cider, ie: 7% volume or say 5 500ml cans of strong 6% Lager. Last night was 3 x 660 ml bottles of 5% Lager and approximately a quarter bottle of Jim Beam Whiskey.
I can now start to feel the long term effects and damage, my once younger looking skin (I'm 52) is now getting dry and blotchy, I have restless sleep, I am used to feeling rough in the mornings and as I am Dad's Carer now, I don't have a job to worry about! I deliberately wait until about 22:30 to eat my main meal in order to get drunk first. I am pretty disciplined in other walks of life, I work out hard each day, I am very well presented, but I do have an Addictive personality however.
I know from my drinking habits that I have a big problem and that I am now dependent on Alcohol, I am fine during the day and never crave or think about drinking, so the question I guess I am asking you is:
I plan to stop drinking permanently as from today, I'm not bothered that it's the Christmas season as Dad and I are not celebrating it this year due to our situation and with him grieving Mum's death.
From what I have explained on here, do you think that I would have any dangerous side effects from simply stopping? would I require medication, or to cut back first? I know that from past experiences that I can have 4 days abstinence without a struggle, but this year I am out of control and looking at last weeks empties in the Recycling box...Well it brought it right home to me...
Thanks..Paul
0 likes, 20 replies
Joanna-SMUKLtd paul95771
Posted
Hi Paul, and welcome.
Since you are able to stop without any physicial effects during the week, then I would imagine that the real issue isn't going to be withdrawal, but rather fighting that mental craving as the days pass on. Very few people are able to gain immediate abstinence, and then keep it, if they are struggling with cravings to drink. Having said that, if you do feel physical withdrawals, then it is important to take a drink and seek medical help as soon as you can.
As far as mental cravings go, these happen because the pathways in your brain have become accustomed to that need to drink, hence the excitement building as the time to drink gets nearer. Your brain has learned to expect it, and it starts to scream louder and louder at you until you finally cave in. This is called the Alcohol Deprevation Effect - the longer you deprive yourself of alcohol, then the stronger the cravings become.
If you find that you can stay stopped, then that is absolutely awesome and well done to you.
If you find that despite your best intended efforts you can't, then there is medical help available in the form of a tablet that helps weaken those pathways in your brain and as a result, your brain learns to dissassociate alcohol = reward. A brief 5 minute read on this method is here https://patient.info/health/sinclair-method-for-alcohol-use-disorder
This method is available on the NHS, but many don't know about it, so if you find yourself wanting further information on obtaining it, please let me know and I can look up the guidelines for the area you live. Each local NHS authority tend to have a slightly different instruction as to who they feel is the best person or organisation in their area to prescribe.
Either way you chose, it is probably also worth you looking into some sort of support and help for dealing with any underlying issues. You have had so much emotional strain and it can really help to deal with this separately, otherwise you become someone not drinking but still struggling. Stopping drinking does not generally mean that everything else just falls into place like a jigsaw.
And finally, over the Christmas season, help can be hard to come by. If you wish to chat, you can find me by googling the website C Three Europe. I am in the UK, and an accredited alcohol counsellor. Any support we offer is free as part of our charity status, so we could email or chat on the phone if you feel you wish to.
All the best and 2017 will hopefully be a much better year with a new you.
Joanna.
numpty Joanna-SMUKLtd
Posted
Hi Joanne, sorry to 'highjack' Paul's message, but I am also in a very similar situation and I have heard about the Sinclair method and once mentioned it to a counsellor at the alcohol recovery centre in York but drew a blank. Where is the best place to go for help with this?
Thank you
Joanna-SMUKLtd numpty
Posted
I have looked up the York NHS Medicines Formulary for you and it says that nalmefene is not to be prescribed in primary care by doctors, but instead your local NHS have instructed assessment and prescribing to be done by the alcohol specialist services.
If you mentioned The Sinclair Method to them, then that may be the issue. The medical profression don't know it as 'The Sinclair Method'. Instead, the city of York refer to it as 'Nalmefene for the management of alcohol dependence'.
According to my research, the city of York have instructed Lifeline to add this treatment to the list of treatment options available to clients.
I have the exact guideline stating this, and will PM you a link to it.
You will need to print this off and take it in to another appointment. They can not deny knowledge when you have in your hand the exact instruction from your local NHS area instructing them to add it to their treatment options!!
If you need anything else, just get back in touch.
numpty Joanna-SMUKLtd
Posted
Thank you Joanne. Yes it is Lifeline that I went to. I did well then blipped quite badly. I should re refer myself but I feel quite ashamed at admitting failure. Nalmafene was never mentioned to me just naltraxone and antabuse.
Thanks again for your advice. I'll check the link.
Joanna-SMUKLtd numpty
Posted
numpty Joanna-SMUKLtd
Posted
They mentioned naltrexone before but wouldn't prescribe anything for me until my liver function test improved. In other words until I stopped drinking!!! Ironic as they always stress how dangerous it is to just stop 😒
paul95771 Joanna-SMUKLtd
Posted
paul95771 numpty
Posted
No problem with the Highjacking lol..I hope that your journey continues in a positive way x
numpty paul95771
Posted
Nat666 paul95771
Posted
Hi Paul .You have made such a huge step forward in beginning to face your alcohol issues ..It's so hard I know and you have a lot in your life to contend with right now . I too like yourself have not been a daily drinker but tend to binge at weekends and usually stop throughout the week. My problems go back a long way with many years abstinence only to drink again..
LIke yourself I just knew I couldn't go.on like it .I had heard of Selincro (nalmephene) so researched online and eventually got some 2 weeks ago from an online pharmacy. I was quite scared to take them as had read lots of horror stories re side effects.Anyway with some sound advice from this site I went for it and had an amazing change over the last 2 weeks.. I know it's early days but it has taken away that awful impulse to drink and the evenings I have had a drink after taking the meds I have only had a couple , at the most 3 ...I have felt like what I perceive a normal drinker to feel..sort of chilled and not all hyped ready for the next one /bottle .. The real test will be now at Christmas so only time will tell
If you still want to enjoy a drink this could be the way forward for you ..we are all different and some prefer total abstinence..If for any reason this doesn't continue to work for me abstinence is what I would choose again
Joanna who replied to you earlier is a gem and a great source of help...I hope you feel you can use it ...warm Christmas wishes
paul95771 Nat666
Posted
Thank you so much Natalie,
I am going for total absinence, I think that will work better for me and my addictive personality, last night, Christmas eve was my first alcohol free night in 18 months and the first Xmas eve since I was 16 where I wasnt on a bender!! I felt really proud and in control, I usually start drinking about 20:00 after my post workout shower, when I can feel the excitement of a drink coming on, will then drink to about midnight and then eat! Well I had a really healthy meal at 20:00 and went to bed before 22:00, no withdrawl sypmtoms and woke up this morning feeling good!
We are not celebrating Christmas this year, it's been hard for Dad and I losing Mum to Cancer in October and I am still trying to wave goodbye to a 16 year relationship, however we are both happy and strong and that's the main thing!!
Thank you so much for your warm thoughts and kind words Natalie, it truly means a great deal, I plan to take each day as it comes now as far as alcohol and life is concerned, but I'm feeling positive and will keep you posted xxx
Nat666 paul95771
Posted
That's lovely Paul ..I do.hope your Christmas Day went well....Mine not as great as I had hoped/expected but I am.still ok.and feel with this group I am.making many new and and trusted friends I thought I might do better today but this is such a difficult time of year ...too many expectations ...I admire your positivity....Take care and chin up ???🤗
paul95771 Nat666
Posted
Hey Nat,
Sorry to hear that your Christmas day has not been so good, you are right in that it's a hard time of year, for me..I simply ignored Christmas completely this year, it was easier all round, just another day for me working out in the garage.
Chatting with like minded people on here is such a great outlet it truly is and this support is helping me already in many ways.
In my case I have stopped the ride that I wanted to get off of and I am channeling my energies into reinventing a new and better me, this experience has shown me that I am considerably stronger than I previously thought. I have set goals for physical challenges and in the process of irradicating all negative influences and people within my life...Alcohol is top on the list...I no longer want a toxic relationship with such a silent assassin..I want complete control in my life.
I am always here if you want to chat and really appreciate your support xx
Misssy2 paul95771
Posted
First - 10 weeks?
....It sounds like you loved your Mom...so, therefore I would know that you are feeling sad/confused (and other stuff I don't know because i still have my parents).
Second - Hi
You said:
Leaving my home, my friends, my job, my girl, my 2 dogs, my ability to earn a good living It's all taken a terrible toll the past few months.
I want to ask you an honest question and it very well might not be any of my business. And you can tell me that...I won't be offended...but for me to get the most out of my experience posting and getting to know you...I have to ask:
Did you have to leave your job to take care of your Dad?
Or was the alcohol catching up to you and going to take care of your Dad was a good answer for both you and your Dad and the girlfriend that you were having problems with?
It sounds like you are drinking a lot now...
So, I am not good at conversions...I am in the US...and I drank about 15-20 (12 ounce beers a day). And I needed medication the first few days I quit....
Can you do your conversion and let me know how much that is? There is a guy on here who works for Alcohol Services in the UK I believe his name is Paul...he might stop by and give you the advice because he will know exactly the amount you are talking about I don't.
But, since you said that you want to stop NOW....than do you have access to any benzos? One or two when you start feeling anxious...or even if your not...to see if it makes you feel better wouldn't hurt.
Misssy2
Posted
lol..I don't know why I didn't see all the responses to the thread..sorry guys!
paul95771 Misssy2
Posted
Hey Misssy2..
Thank you for your reply and kind thoughts, I hope that you are having a great Christmas!! x
First - 10 weeks? [sad] ....It sounds like you loved your Mom...so, therefore I would know that you are feeling sad/confused (and other stuff I don't know because i still have my parents).
Yes It has been a very hard time especially as I have not had the time or ability to grieve over the loss of Mum
this is mainly due to my Father struggling to accept Mum's death in any way shape of form, his early Dementia makes this worse of course as his short term memory is not reliable. I have always been closer to my Mum, we were best mates and she had a great outlook on life..we were quite similar..whereas as much as I love my Father, his life was Mum, no other outlets and his outlook on life is very insular and perhaps old fashioned...living in the past.
Second - Hi
And Hi right bach atcha!!!
You said:
Leaving my home, my friends, my job, my girl, my 2 dogs, my ability to earn a good living It's all taken a terrible toll the past few months.
I want to ask you an honest question and it very well might not be any of my business. And you can tell me that...I won't be offended...but for me to get the most out of my experience posting and getting to know you...I have to ask:
Did you have to leave your job to take care of your Dad?
Or was the alcohol catching up to you and going to take care of your Dad was a good answer for both you and your Dad and the girlfriend that you were having problems with?
The situation was that Mum had battled terminal cancer for about 18 months, during this time she did get the all clear once, but the outcome was inevitable. I was living 325 miles North of Mum and Dad therfore regular support visits would never be practical, in England with our road network, that means 6-8 hours driving. My Brother lives considerably closer, but has a controlling partner who has never had time for our family and his support and care was pretty much non existent. I had made the decision that i would look after them both during Mum's last few weeks and ongoing for Dad as I knew he would never be strong enough to cope without Mum. My 16 year relationship has not been healthy for some time now and as much as I love her, it is time to move on, it's just unhealthy.
I was drinking a fair bit before I relocated down here in Cornwall and I was fully aware of this fact, I drank to numb how empty and frustrated i was feeling with life in general I guess, my drinking got worse within a week of moving down to be with Dad, no job to worry about etc, so the hangovers were not a problem.
So to answer your question directly, I had little choice really, my brother is self centered and contolled, no other family, Dad unable to cope alone, so that left me to do the caring. It's been harder than I thought and at times i have felt really isolated and sad. We are planning on moving back to my house end of January where it will be a little easier with support from my sons to look after Dad, but this brings new issues in as far as my girlfriend is still living there. I do not want to be maniplulated again
It sounds like you are drinking a lot now... [sad]
So, I am not good at conversions...I am in the US...and I drank about 15-20 (12 ounce beers a day). And I needed medication the first few days I quit....
Can you do your conversion and let me know how much that is? There is a guy on here who works for Alcohol Services in the UK I believe his name is Paul...he might stop by and give you the advice because he will know exactly the amount you are talking about I don't.
But, since you said that you want to stop NOW....than do you have access to any benzos? One or two when you start feeling anxious...or even if your not...to see if it makes you feel better wouldn't hurt.
The conversion from U.S to U.K pints is about 9-10 pints a day of beer consumption, which is a great deal more in quantity than my own consumption, however U.K beers are available in much higher alcohol volume, the beers I drink are between 5-7.5% ..U.S beers Bud etc tend to be a little weaker.
Today is day 3 of Sobriety, I have stepped up my working out and managed to cope so far without any meds or support, truth is that I have a lot of anger inside me so busting out 1 hour weight sessions and listening to death Metal...well it's kind of therapy lol
So here and now...I am missing my old life, the freedom of simply going to work and enjoying my job, earning money to have a good quality of life...missing my mates and of course me Dog''s
For being a carer is a complete lifestyle change and one that I question that I was born to fulfil at times...I simply do me best and I am very Isolated.
Once again thank you for your very kind reply xx