New type of Anxiety/OCD thinking making me feel terrible
Posted , 5 users are following.
I've struggled with anxiety through my entire life and always tried taking a natural approach at fighting the anxiety through lifestyle changes and exercise. The source of my anxiety has mainly been social and health anxiety which has been excruciating at times and has held me back from living life to the fullest. Now at 26 years old I was starting to get a grip on things and am about to finish my bachelors degree in accounting which was a long time coming and I was finally feeling like things were going in a better direction until recently. I feel like I have been hit hard and can't seem to find my way out of this cycle of thoughts and focus on the present moment.
My issue started about a month ago when I started having chest pains and weird sensations upon falling asleep and every time I was about to fall asleep I would be awakened by these feelings. Eventually I went to urgent care where the doctor assured me the feelings are anxiety related so I was hoping it would be temporary. Countless nights of struggling with sleep my cognitive state started to suffer through out the days and I was feeling miserable. Fast forward now about a month...the sleep has been a bit better but I'm struggling with a series of thoughts that I can't seem to escape from.
Basically, I'm having reoccurring thoughts which is inhibiting me from being present and focusing on what I need to do. They aren't bad thoughts in particular but they are causing me discomfort. I'm imaging the scenarios in my head of things I'm going to do in the near future and it feels like I'm thinking about it so hard that I'm actually doing that thing when in reality I'm just in my thoughts. I'm also fixating on thinking that what I'm doing currently will be a past memory and I will think of all the things right now as the past which is tripping me out. Then I think that the future events coming will be present and then turn into past memories and I'm not sure why it's giving me anxiety. I also replay events in my head of things I did recently and try to recall all the moments to see if I am recalling them correctly. I feel my cognitive state is sharp but these memories/thoughts have been consuming my days and I feel like I'm not fully there in the present moment but living within these thoughts. Another example would be like taking out the trash...I imagine that it's going to happen soon in the future and then when I finish it then it will be a past memory and I imagine that whole thing and it makes me feel uncomfortable.
I feel trapped in these thoughts and I don't know where they came from out of nowhere. I was doing fine a month ago and I didn't have this burden or way of thinking. The urgent care doctor prescribed me Ativan and my primary doctor prescribed me Lexapro. I've never taken medication and it scares me to think that I will have to succumb to them and become dependent. Being stuck in these thoughts has been creating constant anxiety and I want to get out of it and be able to constantly remain focused on the present without worrying about past or future things. If you could give any advice I would greatly appreciate it.
Thank you!
1 like, 4 replies
gmccoy957 mike996
Edited
Hey Mike, I'm sorry that you're dealing with anxiety. I wouldn't wish this feeling on anybody. I'm currently struggling with health anxiety and my thoughts are my own worst enemy. My best advice would be to journal if you haven't tried doing that yet. Also, as weird as this sounds, I talk to myself in the car or in my house and try to just get my thoughts out there. I wouldn't recommend going to deep with the talking out loud because it might make you feel like you're going crazy. But it's helped me a little bit. I hope it gets better for you, for me, and all of the sufferers on here and around the globe. If you need to talk you can message me and I'll be there for you. We got this!
hazel86926 mike996
Posted
Hi Mike,
It sound like you are living in a nightmare. I'd honestly consider taking some anti anxiety medication. Who cares if you depend on them. They really work and life it too short to feel like you do. I cant believe i used to feel like I did. It's like i was a different person before Citalopram.
Much love.
maray720 mike996
Posted
Mike,
I'm new to this site but I understand your post. I have been suffering these past 3 weeks with a racing mind and anxiety. I can't seem to sleep more than 2 hours at a time each night. When I do fall asleep and wake up I feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin. My doctor also suggested I start medication but I'm not sure if I should. I am trying meditation and it seems to help at times. When I am out with people I don't have any problems. It seems this happens when I am home and especially as night time falls. While I don't have any advise for you, I just wanted to let you know there are others out here that are having the same issues.
bonnie40779 mike996
Edited
I know exactly what you are saying. I lived with recurring obsessive thoughts for twenty years. The first one was that I had cancer and unless it was treated I was going to die. I went to doctor after doctor and even was referred to the cancer clinic. I went to counselling and after three years it seemed to be gone. But just a few months later a new one appeared. I developed a fear of losing control of eating and gaining so much weight I wouldn't be able to do anything. Again, back to counselling and gradually over the three years it went away. Then the big one hit. I developed a fear that I would suddenly change my sexual orientating or I was gay and hiding. It would not go away with any counselling and I eventually ended up in a hospital on suicide watch. These thoughts and feelings would come out of nowhere and at times overwhelmed me. I explained it to my counselor that it was very much like when a person is coming out of a heavy drug and says things that they remember and are embarrassed because they were so ridiculous. I would know that what I was afraid of wasn't real but I had no control over my actions. I would go running to people to talk then feel stupid when it passed.
I finally agreed to medication and a psychiatrist. He explained to me that I had intrusive thoughts and that I did not pick them or make them happen. My brain would take a fact or a conversation and hook unto something. It then was like having a giant billboard flashing that thought constantly in my brain. I took the paxil and was completely symptom free for 26 years. unfortunately it stopped being as effective and I have gone to other meds. I was surprised to see that the exact thought came back after all those years. Now I know they are a symptom of my disease but It is still strong enough to make life hard and not very enjoyable. These drugs only suppress it but do not take it away completely.
Try the drugs. They work for me.