Newly diagnosed and single....how will I ever meet a man now?!
Posted , 5 users are following.
Iv literally just been diagnosed after suffering for 5 days (not being able to sit down, wear underwear, touch that area....horrendous). Never had any symptoms before, so this is quite a shock. Swab has been sent and acyclovir commenced.
I'm concerned that having been single for 18 months, I'll never meet another guy again when I have to tell them this 😣 I feel devastated. Haven't told anyone so this is all I have for some sort of reassurance?!
0 likes, 11 replies
Guest Guest
Edited
youre just fine sweetheart. i myself stayed single for so long and im talking years from 22 and now 29. hooked up with someone i felt potiential in and it was like a thanks see you later. i havent been diagnosed yet but im sure its what it is. Just this little rash but no symptoms. ive tested blood 3x in a course of 7 months but the rash and little blisters are still there. going the 18 to be tested again. Life isnt over i can promise you that. just keep your head up!
Guest Guest
Posted
thank you for the reply. it's made me rethink my life. I'm extremely independent anyway and am totally fine being alone. I guess when i meet someone and hes 'the one', he wont see it as a problem. Dating has changed though and it makes me sad that potentially I will be alone for good.
Your rash might not be it? Especially as you haven't got symptoms? Hopefully everything will be ok for you.
Guest Guest
Edited
I had it looked at back in october of last year. I go back the 18 of this month to see if anything has changed. So it may they were probably giving me a window of time. Just keep your head up and your mind busy. Like you said, if they are the one they accept all flaws, after all we are human and ive never met one who has never made a mistake, lol.
jesse10007 Guest
Edited
Its hard to be confident in yourself when this happens. I got it from an ex bf who just moved on and refuses to accept the truth but whatever. It took me some time but confiding in my best friend helped, she uplifted me and on my hard days she reminded me it would never matter to the right person. I met someone and 4 months in i disclosed and he felt like all my pros outweighed my 1 con. Its great, we're great but i know if it doesnt work out for whatever reason im still me and thats important. Right after my diagnoses i met someone and we both disclosed to each other (he had hsv2 as well) and i thought we were perfect and we'd be together forever and it turned out to be the worst relationship anyone could be in. Everything will come together with time. April will be 2 years for me. Good luck!
Guest jesse10007
Posted
thank you for the reply. It's really hard. I feel totally ashamed, yet it's perfectly acceptable to have cold sores!
I guess if it were the other way round and a guy said he had it, I too would be wary. it's the unknown with this, until you do research.
I'll be honest, the thought of having to tell someone scares the hell out of me. My GP told me not to even bother telling a guy as it wont affect them unless I have an outbreak. But I couldn't do that, it's not fair.
I haven't told my friend yet, I dont think I can right now. Maybe when I'm more comfortable with the whole thing I will.
I believe everything happens for a reason, so it will all work out how it's meant to ✌🏼
jesse10007 Guest
Edited
it took me about a year to disclose to friends so i understand its all on you and how long it takes you! and at no time did i ever see an active outbreak on my ex bf so i know thats not true.. we were together for 3 years and we broke up for 8 months (during that process i was not sexually active) we get back together have within 3 weeks im going through my 1st ob.. chances may be low but its possible plus my bf asks a lot of questions now bc he wants to be educated and i love it bc he cares. you'll just know when its the right person to disclose to and they may not be okay with it (its their decision f**k it) but they will respect you and your confidence for disclosing and if they have any decency as a human theyll respect your business and keep it to themselves.
ciara74915 Guest
Posted
i have met some cool guys in positive singles and im currently in a relationship with someone i met on there. so thats an option, but honestly a lot of guys do not care that you have it. i disclosed my status to some guys that didnt have it and they didnt care. just be open
mark50520 Guest
Edited
I picked up my genital HSV2 in 2016. I didn't realise what it was until I passed it on to my girlfriend a few months later. Its a source of great regret for me and led to the end of our relationship.
I haven't been with a settled partner since then and have been very concerned not to make the same mistake as before.
After a lot of thought I drew some conclusions:
If I'm not going to have sex with someone, it's none of there business so I don't discuss it.
If sex is on the cards I will always discuss the Herpes beforehand. This is a pretty awkward conversation that I've had several times now. It's gone better than I expected no the whole. Most girls look alarmed initially but then appreciate the honesty. I've only had one prospective partner walk out on me.
At practical level the key to not passing it on is to avoid all sex during an outbreak and be very vigilant for fresh outbreaks.
I havn't passed it on since taking this approach
Dont give up on your sex life, it's not over for you.
Best of luck to you Mel
Guest mark50520
Edited
Thank you for the reply.
I think since monday (GP appt) iv had a lot of time to think about things.
It's still a big issue to me and I dont know how long it will take for my brain to stop constantly mulling it over.
I feel at the moment like I need to take time away from dating and trying to meet someone and focus on myself. This has been a plan of mine for quiet some time now. But I also feel like I cant see a future with someone, although I have felt this for a while, even before all this happened.
I do agree though, if I ever did meet a guy, the conversation is not necessary until sex is on the cards. It's my personal buisness and is not important until that time.
My dating life has never been simple and this isn't going to make it any easier!
I guess what will be will be.
It all feels pretty s****y right now inside my head. I'm struggling to find acceptance with it all. I hope this get easier over time.
mark50520 Guest
Posted
I certainly had more than a few dark nights of the soul over this.
Taking a few months off dating sounds reasonable but don't let it drag to a year.
A few months will allow you to see how quickly and how bad your second and maybe third outbreaks come.
Pretty much everyone says the first outbreak is the worst one for symptoms.
Some get mild outbreaks after that and they get longer and longer healthy intervals between outbreaks. I'm lucky because that's how I was.
Worst case you get outbreaks ever 4 weeks and they are still pretty bad. My GF was like this. If you turn out to be at that end of the spectrum it would be worth taking anti-virals every day to damp it down.
Even if you do have frequent bad outbreaks eventually your immune system will get on top of it and the outbreaks will become less frequent and milder.
Try not to let it get to you. There are loads of people that you meet every day, falling in love and getting on with their lives. They just don't wave a big banner saying "I have Herpes" so you don't know.
Guest mark50520
Posted
Iv finally told 1 friend, which has made me feel better. She was great and totally reassured me.
Dating has been horrendous for me for a really long time, even before this. So I'm at the point in my life where I'm happy alone, if I don't meet anyone I'm fine. I'll cross the bridge when I get to it I think.
It's definitely made me realise that I want to get a more emotional connection with someone first before even thinking about sleeping with them. I guess that's the only bonus to all this, I cant let myself get used and abused again!
I really hope I don't get any more outbreaks anytime soon 😣 that first one was horrific 😔
Thank you for replying.