Newly diagnosed - looking for advice
Posted , 7 users are following.
Hi all,
I'm feeling pretty desperate at the moment and stumbled across this board. I'd been seeing a guy for almost 4 mths and just this past weekend was diagnosed with genital HSV... waiting to see if it's type 1 or 2. He had a cut in his mouth that was almost healed and passed it to me down there. He said he had no idea that he had the virus at all... then proceeded to pack up his bits from my apartment and walked out on me to go about his life as normal.
I am sick to my stomach with worry. I could deal with the pain and discomfort etc if that were all it were, but the thought of telling any future partner about it and deaing with the rejection and everything and the stigma attached to it... I am crying here even thinking about it. I don't know anyone with any experience of it so I guess am just looking for help / advice. I'm currently taking a 5 day course of tabs to clear the sore, they havent seemed to kick in at all yet.
0 likes, 18 replies
kev74504 louise123456
Posted
Don't worry most of us have cried at some point over this it does get easier.
cartercali louise123456
Posted
Sorry that you are seeming to go through this .. And doesn't make it any better that the person who infected you just walked out , which makes me think he knew he had it all along and was just careless as to warn you ..
I would lying if i said telling an potential partner is one of the most scariest degrading things you will have to do for yourself especially your very first Partner you tell ..
When I told my boyfriend it was one of the biggest things I've ever had to do in my life , a serious challenge ..
But if they love you , they will accept you .
If he gave you oral down there and he had herpes in his mouth then more then likely you have hsv 1 genitally and that type doesn't shed near as much as type 2 ..
Did you try to talk to the dude ?
How old are you ? So you are currently have an outbreak ? Any pain ?
louise123456 cartercali
Posted
So Saturday 26th March is when I think he passed it to me orally. By the next night I was itchy and thought I was getting thrush or something so started using some cream. By the Tuesday I had a little kind of paper cut near the perineum (sp?) ... I still thought nothing of it to be honest. But by Friday I was urinating loads and had a bloated tummy and it was so so painful to go the loo... I got cystopurin, thinking maybe I've a UTI along with the thrush. Then the blisters appeared and I started googling, then literally RACED to a family planning place on Saturday morning. She confirmed it visually and did the swabs to see if type 1 or 2, it'll be 2 weeks before I get those results.
So Saturday afternoon I spoke to him about it, he was full of sorries and said he had no idea and that he knew he got coldsores but that it wasnt even an actual coldsore he had, it was a half healed up cut from busting his lip playing sport. At this point he was saying the right things, but I knew he didn't mean them, you know when you can tell someone is just paying lip service. He said look we'll talk to someone and figure out how to manage it and how we can still have a sex life...and I said I comepletely dont blame him, it was an accident and sure he didn't know and it could happen to anyone... then by that evening when we had to go out for a meal with friends he wouldnt even speak to me or look at me , treated me like a piece of crap... so we had a row - he then used that row as an excuse to pack up his stuff and walked left... said "take care" and literally skidded off in the car, couldnt get out quick enough.
I'm 33, living in Ireland. Honestly no one speaks about HSV here, I didn't even realise it could be trasnferred from mouth to genitals with a half healed cut. We also dont get the meds paid for so if I were to go on the Voltrex as a suppresant it would cost me €120 (approx $140) per month, i just cant afford that!
I'm at my wits end, absolutely sick. Not only dealing with all this but have been treated so badly by someone I thought cared about me. It's one of the worst things I've ever been through.
cartercali louise123456
Posted
But for him to up and leave and he is the one that caused this to you is absurd like seriously.
But I can tell you males are extremely careless and indenial when it comes to any disease . The person that infected me is still going Around having sex and has both hsv and HPV .. They just don't care .
Females are more emotional when it comes down to it.
I can tell you that your days will get better .. It's not the end of the world you don't have AIDS .. You won't die .
And if you have hsv 1 like the type I think you have you wont even have that many breaks outs to where you have to take the suppressive medicine .
Unless you plan on getting into an monogmous relationship .
Whatever your results come back as it will be okay .
God wouldn't put you through it if he didn't think you would make it !
louise123456 cartercali
Posted
I also wonder, I have had cold sores before, one that recurs in the same place.: so say that's type 1, wouldn't I have the anti bodies for that by now and then therefore if it was type 1 in his mouth I wouldn't have got it genitally? So the likelihood is that I've got type 2 down there?
I'm afraid to even go near my nephews or my friends kids now to be honest, even when the sore have cleared up I'll be afraid to kiss them
In case it is type 1 in my mouth
gord78 cartercali
Posted
I'm knew to the forum but think thats a bit harsh cartercali - not all men are like that , I never had any symptoms and had never had it come up on a health check when I went to the sexual health clinic ( I always had a sexual health check up before I started a relationship with a new partner for peace of mind ) and when it happened it happened in the worst possible way by giving it to my girlfriend and to see her go through that pain was the worst feeling I've ever experienced because of the guilt and upset I felt from having caused it even if it was unknowingly - so much so that I've not been with anyone since her
cartercali gord78
Posted
Compared to females , males are careless. They will be completely indenial about the disease and go on living life like they don't have anything .
Just passing it on .
Like i stated im saying from my opinion and experiences, and I have been on this forum for quite sometime .. All the experiences and situations a lot of these females post ... It's about a man infection them and not telling them they had the disease so now the female is stuck with it ..
No offense intended . I'm simply stating what I know . Take it or leave it
TLAN louise123456
Posted
I've been diagnosed since January. Not coping emotionally at all. Looking to talk to someone who knows how it feels.
louise123456 TLAN
Posted
My ex called me this morning and got his positive results back today too... No big bloody surprise there. I'm actually surprised he even told me the truth, he's yet to get his bloods back and I don't think he'll be honest about them, I think he's going to try swing it on me. But the clinic said the reaction of my body was typical of someone just having been passed the virus (swollen glands etc) It's almost a month since my OB now so I'd say too late for me to bother getting bloods as the anti bodies will prob have built up a bit. I know in my heart he either knew he had it already or cheated on my and caught it recently. He has taken it way too calmly for someone who just found out they've an incurable STI!
I'm petrified at the thought is telling a partner...
I can deal with the physical part of it all but not the rejection etc
I'm doing a few sessions with a counsellor to try get some perspective but to be honest once I'm alone I feel sick
To my stomach thinking about it all. Have you thought of counselling? X
TLAN louise123456
Posted
TLAN louise123456
Posted
I keep getting odd tingles all over my body, not where the outbreak was. Just odd sites for seconds... Connected or am I paranoid?
louise123456 TLAN
Posted
Have you confided in any friends who you can speak to or anything? I've a great few friends, I've only told a couple that I can trust but having someone to talk to helps.
TLAN louise123456
Posted
I've only told my sister, I know I'm just a wreck over it, not knowing if it will recur. Spoken with herpes association uk, they are quite dismissive and play it down. I'm full of if onlys... Which don't help I know. How to move on...just wish I could forget it. Thinking of you...
amanda15313 louise123456
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TLAN amanda15313
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louise123456 TLAN
Posted
louise123456 TLAN
Posted
TLAN louise123456
Posted
Nothing in the place there were lesions though...