Newly diagnosed· My story

Im a 22 year old female recently diagnosed with Herpes S2, I had recently just come out of a long term relationship of 5years, which ended badly. It took me a while to date again but when I did branch out I thought id met someone really lovely, someone I trusted. turned out I was very wrong, after being lied to and cheated on over an extensive period, I had my first OB. At the time I was very confused, and upset because I was unaware of the cheating, and so I trusted my partner when he told me he had no clue about the herpes and being infected. 

During my first outbreak I was unsure of what was going on, I refused to believe I had contracted an STD from someone who had assured me he had been faithful. Initially I did not believe I had herpes, until the pain got so bad that I couldnt bare to sit down even. I decided to go to the doctors and get it investigated, when I was told they thought I had genital herpes, I was devasted and so upset. I cried, and thought my life was over, and that I would never date or marry, I convinced myself I had ruined my life from being silly and having unprotected sex. of course no one actually thinks they are going to be the unlucky person who contracts herpes in a new relationship. 

Hearing you have an incurable disease that is so intimate and confusing was at the time far too hard to handle and grasp. I shut off from my friends, I felt dirty, I felt like I would have to be alone from now on, because the idea of trusting someone to understand and be ok with me having Herpes made me sick. The first person I trusted and reached out to was a friend, and they hurt me when they blew the disease out of proportion and made me out to be a threat to others health and safety in a public space. after the first initial rejection despite only seeking a shoulder to cry on and just for someone to listen to how I felt, I had been completrly discouraged from revealing my diagnosis to anyone else. I closed off from my family, and hid it. I had no support, no friends to go to, no partner, I was alone. 

When I eventually branched out to my sibling, she too was devasted, that I had been lied to, and mistreated and the end result of someones elses narcisim was me being left to deal with the hurt and struggles of Herpes 2. The support of my sister really helped pull me out of a hole, that I haf dug myself into so deep, and helped enlighten my view of the sitjation. she said and still says "herpes does not define you", and she is completely right. 

after much hurt I got the courage to go out dating again, i met someone absolutely amazing, and after 4 dates decided I would get the courage to tell him about my condition, and hope he understood. I was afraid of rejection as this was the first male id spoken to abouy the issue, and the stigma around herpes is very harsh. i had a million and one emotions running through my head, and was afraid. i told him through text message which at the time seemed the best thing for me to do as I feared face to face rejection. 

initially he was shocked, upset and angry, but his reaction next was what surprised me. he was accepting understanding and willing to listen, he needed time and to know more which I knew was completely understandable given the circumstances, but he did not run for the hills, or show disgust, instead he was open to the issue, and let me explain. It was extremly emotional telling someone I had major feelings for about an inssue so intimate, but his acceptance reassured me that dating with herpes and finding a partner was possible, and that I should not fear rejection. 

I take my surpressives,  Eat well, monitor my symptoms, constantly research and look out for his safety, and yes at times It is very emotionally draining, and does hinder my ability to feel normal and capable of being intimate without fear. But herpes has not held me back from being able to life and be happy. 

Im in a happy relationship, my partner understands and is very sympathetic to the fact that it is something that I worry about, but what I wanted people to know is that you should not fear rejection, and that therr are people out there who understand even despite the fact they dont have the disease or know much about it. educating partners is the key to helping your relationship flourish and ensure that both parties are on the same page. 

i was very fortunate to have had such a good reaction first time round, and my relationship is great. sexually I do not feel any different to someone who is G herpes free. Im much more open to the idea of herpes, and that It does not define who I am, or what I can and cannot do, and it shouldbt stop you from being happy and living your life, like I once let it.

what I want people to take from my story is that Herpes does not define you, you define yourself. dont fear living life with gential herpes, fear noy living your life and holding yourself back. You have support and there are great people in the world who will understand and accept you regardless, and even if you have to filter through to find them thats ok. the ones who reject and hurt you arent the people you want in your life regardless.

herpes is only a blip in the road, and you have so much more in life thats worth the tears, worry and energy that many of us have invested in coming to terms with our condition. you are not alone, and you dont have to be. xx

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