Nightmares upset me the next day.

Posted , 2 users are following.

A couple of people have asked me is there a cure for P.T.S.D.

It is not like taking a course of tablets like antibiotics and then you are cured. But they don't understand.

One day I was playing about with a male friend and he picked up a cup and pretended he was going to throw it at me. I shook and told him that my dad once threw a drink over my new t shirt.

He apologised and I told him that it was not his fault.

It is: something a person says, a piece of music, a sudden movement.

When I am cleaning my flat I remember my mother berating me saying "haven't you got anything more exciting to do?"

I shout "at least I CAN cook and clean" (my mum couldn't cook and she rarely did housework but I loved her. It was my brother who kept on about the house we grew up in was never clean and he was embarrassed).

She even taunted me on her death bed. It was a bitter  cold night and I went to the hospital. Mum said "your mate came to see me last night".

I said "who was that?"

She said a relation that I had no time for and smirked at me.

When mum died I was able to realize that she was a very, very unhappy woman and I would of hated to have had her life.

I was bullied throughout school and work. One day a customer was rude to a very polite assistant in the shop. The young guy had done nothing wrong. This nasty person said something that gave me a flashback       30 years previously.

I suddenly exploded shrieking "don't talk to him like that you ......."

The security guard offered to walk me home incase he waited outside.

I don't know why I exploded as I hate arguements. It was like a blind rage. The assistant has asked him if he wanted a bag. He had said to the assistant twice "well I'm not an octopus"

Then he said  "what do you think?"

What do you think was said to me by a woman 30 years ago at work when she was supposed to be showing me the job and I had wanted to say then "I'm new and you need to teach me so it is not 'what do you think'"  BUT I was too scared as being of nervous disposition I never stood up for myself.

So that remark was a trigger and I' not sorry I reacted like that.

To cope I distract myself in the waking hours and try to focus on the people who I'm in regular contact with.

My friend has said a few times now I need counselling but sadly no amount of counselling will take away the nightmares and flashbacks.

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5 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Louise, your name sounds familiar, I have never had exactly the same experience than you with my mum, but can understand partly as my dad, my rock, died aged 66 4 years ago, of cancer, I've never forgiven myself for being right by his side when he died. I have found my PTSD caused by an assault and then an aggravated rape by 2 men who vaguely knew each has now done it's damage for good. I now can't have the child I've long discovered as the stress of trying to have sex has done permanent damage. I now face a future with more unhappiness due to this. I feel I've failed my catholic marriage, my family and mostly my lovely dad who will only see my children from the clouds. It's just shxx, what the hospital counsellor say? Her consolation is counselling for the fact that I was assaulted! I'm absolutely disgusted, this stinks!☹
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    • Posted

      Hello Sam

      So sorry to hear about the rape and losing your dad who was your rock.

      Let us both hope that in the future we will make new best friends as we never know what is around the corner.

      I don't understand why you are upset that counselling has been suggested?

      My shrink has put in a letter that my condition is unlikely to improve. I do charity work and the people I work with are great and it takes my mind off things, plus I sleep like a log on those days.

      Do you work at all Sam?

      It is best to try and distract yourself when you have flashbacks.

      Best of luck

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    • Posted

      Hi Louise, I read your post with interest and understand your comment about seeing someone. I've never said I wouldn't to my doctors it's the way it was insinuated that I was some sort of nut case and was mad! I had help last year cbt but it didn't work, I'm just scared that's all plus they said I couldn't adopt either and won't say why! I'm not happy!
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    • Posted

      It is trial and error with doctors believe me Sam.

      I went to a doctor 20 years ago and said I needed help with counselling. He sat there and laughed at me. I felt worse when I left. BUT I have since found out that he is a nasty piece of work and have heard a lot of negatives things about him.

      So forgot this doctor and try another.

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    • Posted

      Hi Louise, I have in despair now written to the practice manager and if they don't respond by the end of this week, I swap surgery never mind doctors. This is not my fault and I've done everything I can so has my husband.
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