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No erections duing an outbreak with a condom,partner stressing me out over this.

Posted , 3 users are following.

ron30527
ron30527

My wife does not understand how it feels to be in an out break, to make it worse I cant keep an erection with a condom on during the outbreak. Anyone else having this problem?

0 likes, 11 replies

11 Replies

  • feelbroken
    feelbroken ron30527

    Posted

    Does she not have herpes herself? Because, wearing a condom or not during an ob, you can still spread it to her. It only provides 30% protection from spreading herpes. She either must not have it or is asymptomatic to lack empathy towards you and still demand sex. I'm sorry you have to experience that. She should be ashamed of herself, that is very selfish. Women on here, not men so much; describes herpes obs as the worst pain in their life they have ever experienced. Have her spend an hr reading these posts w girls desperate for some relief and see if she can develop any compassion for you then. There are plenty other things yiu can do, other than physical sex for pleasure. Hope things get better.
    • ron30527
      ron30527 feelbroken

      Posted

      Thanks for the support, she either doesn't have it or is asyptomatic. I don't think I can expect much sypathy, odd because shes a good person, but I did get the comment that I need to"get that thing fixed" Dosen't help with the stress.
    • feelbroken
      feelbroken ron30527

      Posted

      Good grief! I am so sorry, I'd imagije that makes you feel terrible. Does she realize her risk of getting it even using a condom, especially during an ob or does she not care?

      Have you tried bringing sex toys into the bedroom? It can be just as satisfying. I say make a night all about her, get a vibrator, give her a full body massage, preform oral and use the toy. . when she sees how great it can be and it be all about her, she may stop hounding you. Good luck!

    • ron30527
      ron30527 feelbroken

      Posted

      She wont do toys,but gets plenty of oral(which she loves) Having said that, just wants to sit on it and ride. Who knows,how do you deal with it?
    • feelbroken
      feelbroken ron30527

      Posted

      Do you not get an erection because you are in pain? Why won't she do toys?

      How do I deal w what?

    • ron30527
      ron30527 feelbroken

      Posted

      The erection is a combonation of pain and feeling like a leper. I'm a person who enjoys sex, but sometimes during an outbreak it just isin't happening. its like going out to dinner after having dental work. You want it but cant. I'm wondering if people just avoid sex duing outbreaks and how they deal with partners or spouses.
    • feelbroken
      feelbroken ron30527

      Posted

      I haven't had sex since I got herpes, so I can't answer that, but all my friends who have it abstain from sex and their partners get it. Is she a sex addict or something? Have you asked her if she cares if she catches it?

      Medical personnel and medical websites will say you should be abstaining from sex during an ob. The skin is more prone to obs and quite frankly, I'm disturbed by the fact aje could care less about your pain and your feelings about it. Did you go into this marriage already having heroes before sleeping w her, or did you find out u had it once yiu had slept w her at some point?

    • ron30527
      ron30527 feelbroken

      Posted

      I found out after we were togather for five years,So no way to know if she or I had it dormant. Not a sex addict at all, a twice a week person. Just not very understanding. She is dreadfully affraid of cathing it ,but belives condoms are safe. You, stopped having sex because of your herpes? Thats not good either.
    • feelbroken
      feelbroken ron30527

      Posted

      I think it sounds highly likely she is asymptomatic like 85% of people who have it and she gave it to you. The fact you guys have sex when you have an ob, condom or not and she's never had an ob is very telling. Condoms only provide 30% protection from. I'd be willing to bet money she has it.

      Try clove oil in the sores for pain BTW.

      No.. I wasn't w the person who lied to me and gave me this. I've not been w anyone or dated much since getting this in July.

    • ron30527
      ron30527 feelbroken

      Posted

      As bad as it is to be together with somebody who doesn't understand this virus, I can't imagine how it is to be single. I thought about what I would have to do, and the conversation I'd have to have with anyone I dated.I think that if I found myself in a single position, I would probably only date somebody that has it already.were you using a condom when you caught it?
    • feelbroken
      feelbroken ron30527

      Posted

      It is not fun. In the first few months after catching it, I couldn't even speak w a guy at a bar w out the thought of it weighing me down. I would think to myself: if they only knew, they wouldn't be fighting over who gets my attention and wouldn't even like me. I'd not had sex for two yrs and then I did one time and caught it. No, I did not use a condom, but I know others who caught it w condoms. So much area that is susceptible to the virus is exposed, even w a condom on.

      I got to a pint where I could be fine w flirting and not think about it and it mess w my self esteem, but when in really liking someone, it is all I think about. However, I remind myself that I have to stop thinking about it, because 9xs out of 10, I end up not liking the person or we are just not on the same page and worried about having the talk for nothing. I only have one gf out of 5 I know who have it, that has experienced rejection; yet ironically, those men were willing to sleep w her, hut not date her and they did still sleep w her. So I think it was just an excuse and they were never really in for the long haul to begin w.

      Could be worse, could have been AIDs. I asked some friends today after reading an article, what is your biggest regret in life and that you would not do, had you have a chance to go back and undo it. I am certain my friends thought I'd say getting herpes, but it wasn't. It was ever dating my ex!!! Hahaha! Puts things into perspective doesn't it! For me, who had a horrific and rare reaction to herpes, to not select going back in time to not catch something I will have for the rest of my life, that to society has left w me the Scarlett Letter H and will have to have a humiliating talk every time I'm on my way to intimacy would not choose to undo that... Really shows that there is a lot worse things out there in life, your past present and future.. Than the Herp. That relationship did far more damage to me than this virus every could and it still all these years later is impacting me and I've not spoken w him for years. So if that doesn't make you realize how much this virus is irrelevant in the big picture, then I don't know what will.

      So have you ran anything by your wife yet?

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