No idea what to do

Posted , 6 users are following.

I think about killing myself every hour of every single day, and it's been like this for months now. I've thought about it for years, I've been in and out of therapy since 2007, but now it's just ridiculous. It was never Every Hour of Every Day. 

I literally can't stand being alive anymore. 

Lying there, day in day out with thoughts of death running through my mind, crying and feeling just utterly dead and heartbroken.

I am So So lonely, so so unhappy and have no desire to achieve anything else.  I can't hold down a job, I screwed up uni, the love of my life has gone (and i don't blame her), i've got ridiculous debts that i can't pay off (and endless letters and phone calls from debt collection people that make me shake everytime i look at my phone or the mail), i'm terrifyed of other people (they call it paranoia, i call it 'being realistic'wink  i hate my stupid thin crappy body, i've lied to my family and wasted their money, i literally just want to die.  

I researched suicide methods, attempted hanging (oh that went Really well), cutting is f***ing Pointless and looks ugly and doesn't work,  and i can't seem to figure out quite what to do. Or 'How to do it', would be a better way to put it.  And i'm not asking anyone to tell me. 

Being so utterly miserable and lonely is, in itself, completely exhausting.

I've seen councillors, taken pills, stopped taking pills.

This isn't a cry for help, i don't know What this is.

I guess it's just because i want to let out how i'm feeling to a bunch of strangers. A pointless rant.

Fingers crossed for a heart attack or something. 

 

1 like, 8 replies

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8 Replies

  • Posted

    Turns out you can't "edit" your posts on this website,  But i did NOT want that stupid smiley face in my rant.   This website seriously needs an edit function 

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    • Posted

      Hi DanJames1,

      I cant say that I know exactly how you're feeling because I'm not you, but I have been through a lot of what you're talking about here. I left college with barely a semester left, wasted thousands of dollars on an education that I can't even use because I don't have a degree, all because I was in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship. Now I'm back home living with my parents for the last year, no job, no job prospects, and seekingly no light at the end of the tunnel.

      So at the very least I understand your feelings of hopelessness. I've been in some pretty horrendous points in my life, places where I thought there was no way I was gonna turn it around or hell even survive. One of the best things I ever heard was from my mama who told me that sometimes you can't see the forest through the trees. Which means that when you're going through something, it's hard to see that it's all just another stage of your life. While this point is hard, damned near impossible and deserves all the pain you're feeling, it is just a phase you're moving through. Eventually this will pass, you'll find new opportunities and things will get better. I know from expirience how lame and cliche that sounds, but it's cliche because it's true. I hope I was able to help you a little bit. If not send me a message and we'll talk more, I'm always more than happy to listen.

      I'll see you on the other side of the trees, sincerely

      Sara

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  • Posted

    I understand your in a dark place right now, try and remember life can turn good just as quickly as it turns bad. Try to shift your focus from this negative place you've ended up in to a more positive mindset, if you can't change something accept it and then let it go. You are an amazing person, you have great qualities and loads of potential, you just cant see them right now. Your focus is on all the hurt you have inside you. You must try to live in the moment and really concentrate on all the is good in life, from the most basic of things like taste of food and the sounds of the day, be mindful and try meditation it can help. You can do it I believe in you.

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  • Posted

    wow mate you are down arnt you? its time to seek help ,go see quacks i know there pritty crap at the moment with all the cuts and that but tell them you want some decent medication and deffo somthing to relax u during the day,life does get easier you pron herd that lots of times but with the right help it does,get out of the house,bulk yourself up,now i can help with that as i was skinny,9 stone now im 14 stone and i work out for strengh and endorphin rush,pm me if you want to discuss it,STAY STRONG AND KEEP FIGHTING THE FIGHT MY FRIEND
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    • Posted

      Hi DanJames, 

      That is a good word from gary. I found therapy got me to understand why I felt how I did; my medication got me feeling life was worthwhile.

      PM me if you want a chat.

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  • Posted

    Dm me if you ever need to rant, I'm a great listener. Stay strong, you got this I promise!! Xoxo

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  • Posted

    I would like to thank all of you for taking the time to reply to me.

    It means alot to me, just to have some contact and understanding.

    Thankyou

     

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