no interest in intimacy

Posted , 10 users are following.

Hi everyone. Looking for some encouragement, thoughts etc on my complete lack of libido. I'm about 2 years into peri and have absolutely no interest in intimacy with my husband. We are very very happy together and while he is very patient I know it makes him really sad.  I've never had a super consistent libido to begin with but now it's just non-existent. I feel terrible about myself - weight gain, constant hot flashes, work stress, and on and on - and I know those things play a part but I know there are also hormonal issues at play.

Any advice? Should I expect it to get better some day...?

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13 Replies

  • Posted

    Don't worry your not alone. I'm at least two years into menapause and that's how I've been its natural and will pass. I've discussed this with my husband and explained how I feel and what intimacy feel like because it's very painful. It's not something I can control or turn off and on so he has to be patient and understanding with what I'm going through. All of the symptoms you've mentioned I am experiencing also throw in there you have to continue with a very busy stressful life. That's what this is a part of life it will pass but it may take years. But think if how much you've already given to this life, to your marriage and children and family. This is a part or time in your life that is focused on you, changing to another part of life that when this passes it'll be a beautiful life to live until the next stage. So don't stress over this and just constantly communicate with you husband and children. All women will go through this in their life. Hope this helps. 

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    • Posted

      Thank you, that does help a lot. There is a real peace in knowing you're not alone and that it will pass.  He is incredibly understanding and such a good man - for that I am forever grateful. I am finding that the stress about not feeling intimate is actually making me repel intimate advances even more. It's a vicious cycle 😕.

      We talked this morning and I told him that I believed it would be better after this process is done. I think that made him feel better too. 

      Thanks again 💕

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  • Posted

    denicekimberly,

    If I knew then what I know now I would have started hormone replacement sooner. I went through peri for about 10 years. Our hormones are depleting and by the time you are into menapause they are almost all but gone. You don't say how old you are but your estrogen, progesterone and testosterone are probably very low. Your symptoms speak of it. Have you considered bio identical hormone replacement? Typically a combination of testosterone ( yes women need it ) progesterone and estrogen ( typically estrodial and estriol) A doctor who knows what their doing through symptoms and regular blood work can change this picture for you. As the hormones deplete more issues come, one being thinning of the vaginal walls for a lot of women and painful sex. This will not change unless you restore your hormones through replacement. Intimacy is so very important in a relationship. Don't rob you and your husband of this most special time in your life. Sex can stay very enjoyable for many years IF we take the proper steps and our health allows us. Same with men.Their hormones deplete too and many need testosterone replacement. I am 57, been post menapausal for over 2 years and on bio identical hormone compounded creams. It has been a life changer for me and I will stay on them for life. My husband is on testosterone therapy through pellet implants as well. He is 64. I am in the process of increasing my testosterone more. This has changed our life to the better. Our marriage was suffering from lack of intimacy. Again, through bloodwork and a good doctor you can feel better and be enjoying intimacy with your husband. Like I said if I knew then what I know now I would have started some of my bios while in peri. Good luck! If you have any questions feel free to ask.

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    • Posted

      Can u get bio identical hormones on the nhs or how do u get them? I'm off to see an nhs specialist soon as I can't tolerate any of the progesterone hormones I've tried. Same issue with libido ...

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    • Posted

      joy81339,

      Im in the US and not sure about where you live. If you are in Europe I would think you should be able to find bio identicals because Europe has been using bio identicals even before the US I believe. It might take some extra looking around. Your specialist you are going to see might be able to offer you some direction as to where you might locate someone that does them if your specialist does not. It is very beneficial to get a doctor that knows about bio identical hormone replacement and runs proper blood testing. What kind of progesterone are you taking? Sometimes too high of mg is too much for a lot of women. Some women can tolerate more. I take 20mg cream twice a day. I took a 200 mg pill one time and it knocked me out the whole next day. Right in bed with flu like symptoms. I do very well on the 20mg twice daily. The progesterone cream is over the counter I use and works for me. I would strongly recommend when you do talk to a dr. that you get your testosterone looked into also. It can help women so much in the libido dept. We need testosterone too.

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  • Posted

    Hi....First let me say to you and to the women in this discussion how sorry I am to hear your struggles with Perimenopause and menopause. It's absolutely dreadful this passage into a new chapter. My wife didn't let me know directly that she was perimenopausal. She happened to tell a neighbor friend and I happened to be standing there. My wife won't discuss what she's going through. But our intimacy has been reduced to nothing. Twice in 2016 and so far nothing in 2017. That and the other stresses in our life have brought us to the brink of splitting up. I'm sad for my wife that she's going through this and have tried to be as sympathetic and understanding as I can be. It's wonderful to read that those who have commented have seen marked results through hormone therapy. I don't think this course of action is in our future. I hope Denise that you rediscover your intimacy with your husband. He sounds like a good man. My best wishes to you both and to everyone who has commented herein. Michael

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  • Posted

    Hi Denicekimberly,

    I know exactly how you feel as I am going through the same. I have been in Peri for nearly 4 years now and at the beginning intimacy wasn't a problem but over the past 6 months or so I have noticed a dramatic change... I have voiced my fears of lack of libido to my hubby and he just kind of laughed it off and said that's ok that'll change... we're trying different things to spice things up but seriously I am just going through the motions and when my husband touches me I cringe inside and just want it to end... I love my husband very much but I seriously don't think he gets the whole Peri thing....

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  • Posted

    I have had a serious loss of libido for the past year now probably, and for a few years before that it was very low but not as bad as it is now.  I have always lived by the idea that a wife should not say no to her husband unless she really didn't feel well.  I have said no more often now, but make sure I don't "cut him off" by any means.  They say a healthy sex life is three times a week, ours is probably slightly unhealthy but never would I say no for more than a week unless I am on my period.

    At the same time, I don't have any physical issues like dryness or pain so I try my best to go along with it but I have to say I cannot pretend I enjoy it like I used to.  lol!

    The last thing I want to happen is to be left because I didn't at least try to satisfy his needs in that way.  It is not fun to be our age.

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    • Posted

      Hi Indifferent,

      I fully get where you are coming from, my hubby and I used to be intimate 2-3 times a week, no it is down to once a week, maybe 2 at the most.. like you I very rarely say no, I just grin and bear it I guess. My hubby wants to drag the foreplay on but I just want it done and dusted and then once it's over I think, ok, that's over for another week, thank god!

      I hate feeling like this, I really do!

      Yeah, it's not fun at all!

      Take care,

      Anna

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  • Posted

    Hey Denise

    There's a pink pill for women. It can help. smile

    Best of Luck👍

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