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No motivation.

Posted , 5 users are following.

Justmemyself
Justmemyself

Hi there, I am new to this and am hoping some of you will have some tips on getting myself moving again.

I have suffered most of my adult life with varying degrees of depression. However the last few years have become significantly worse. In the last 6months I have ceased to function almost entirely, resulting in my husband taking time off work to care for our three children. I'm ashamed to say that a lot of my days are spent in bed.

I am on antidepressants and in counselling. Which are definately helping to improve my mood but I still can't seem to get myself up and about. I feel as if I've forgotten how to live. When I do get up I feel like a fish out of water and don't know quite what to do what to do with myself.

In the past I've pushed myself to do the normal daily things when I'm not up to it and this has always lead to me taking a sharp downward spiral. I have taken several overdoses and harmed myself. This has never been to end my life but more on impulse out of sheer desperation.

Any tips would be great as my kids deserve a functioning Mum and my husband needs his wife and to be able to get back to work.

2 likes, 7 replies

7 Replies

  • Rainboy
    Rainboy Justmemyself

    Posted

    Dear Just

    It breaks my heart to read your post. It takes very little imagination to understand the various knock-on effects of the way you are feeling.

    With every single atom of my being, I wish I could tell you there was a magic bullet for this, but I can't. What has motivated my response is not so much because I have the answers, but because at least two-thirds of your post sound like you are talking like me.

    I wondered if it would help you to know that this happens to other people a lot, so that you don't beat yourself up with guilt.

    For example, today is a beautiful sunny day here. Everything tells me that I should go out for a walk in the sun for twenty minutes, but I haven't the energy. It took me until 12 o'clock to will myself out of bed, and although it sounds ridiculous, writing this is the equivalent of scaling Everest in terms of effort.

    I'm not a lazy or unproductive man. I work. In fact I hold dow two jobs to make ends meet. But when I have a bad day, I feel exactly the same way you have described. I feel bitterly sad that you feel like this all the time.

    One thing I would say that may help, is don't fall into the trap of beating yourself up and believing that you are worthless. You have indicated your desire to be a good Mother and a supportive Wife. Those are both primary good qualities. Focus on what you can do rather than what you can't.

    If you get up and do nothing more tham make yourself a cup of tea, then praise yourself for that step. It means you have done something. Comparisons are useless. That cup of tea, or getting yourself dressed, is the equivalent of a healthy persons full day.

    I really shall be thinking of you.  :-)

     

    • Justmemyself
      Justmemyself Rainboy

      Posted

      Dear Rainboy, Thankyou so much for your response, and yes it really does help knowing that there are others on here who feel like me. I have in the past beat my self up over this and labeled myself as lazy or just not a very nice person.I am now (because of a brilliant counceller)at a point where I'm starting to except that it is an illness and not a personality flaw. A response like yours helps me to feel that my thoughts on this are now on the right track. It is truely heartwarming that people on here take the time to respond to these posts even when they themselves are also under this big black cloud.

      I think its inspiring that you and others on here are able to hold down jobs. It gives me hope that it may be possible for me too in the future.

      It really is good to feel understood, so Thankyou again for taking the time.

    • Rainboy
      Rainboy Justmemyself

      Posted

      What a deeply appreciative and thoughtful response. That is the real you. One day, that person will surface and you will get your life back.

      Bless you for replying. I didn't expect you to. The fact you have, and with such kind words, has made the effort to write more than worthwhile and rewarding. I'm having a particularly tough day, so you have actually helped me!  x

  • katieo
    katieo Justmemyself

    Posted

    Good Afternoon,

    I can completely sympathise with you although I don't have children I know what its like to want to give your husband his wife back.

    Again like Rainboy I wish there was a magic wand or a magic answer but I didn't find one.

    I found it taking one step at a time so if you do manage to get up try and change out of PJ's. This was a massive step for me as Big, baggy pyjamas kept me feeling safe. I didn't have to look at my figure and I could drift in and out of sleep. (jeans are not nice to fall asleep in)

    I then tried having a shower or bath before getting changed.

    Ask hubby to leave the breakfast pots so I knew I had to get up to wash them before lunch time.

    I could go on and on but I must stress that I didn't do this in a week, it took me a long time and gradual changes in my routine to get to where I am now.

    If one day you don't manage to get out of bed don't beat yourself up about it too much and remember "there's always tomorrow".

    Big Loves and hugs xxx

  • julie74890
    julie74890 Justmemyself

    Posted

    Hi there I no what you are going through as I am going through the and have been for many years I see a councillor to I work art time 16 hours a week and some days I just cannot be bothered I come home and fall asleep x
  • katie19337
    katie19337 Justmemyself

    Posted

    Hi Just, 

    i have been reading all the comments, they're so helpful. I can identify with you.  In my mind I am thinking of all that needs to be done, but in reality I achieve little, I just can't do much. 

    We keep having to remind ourselves that we will get better, build on small achievements each day and don't blame ourselves for this illness.

    take good care of yourself 

    Katie x

  • hypercat
    hypercat Justmemyself

    Posted

    HI just read your post and I feel for you so much.  Depression is a horrible illness isn't it?   We all understand on here so stay with us and we will do our best to help and support you.

    I can't add to the previous posts except to say that with depression unlike other illnesses,  you have to do things first to find the motivation and not the other way around.   Just very small things gradually and then build up

    from there.  

    You sound like a lovely caring person and you will get better as you deserve to.  Take care.   Bev xx

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