No sex drive

Posted , 5 users are following.


I am not sure where to go for help with my problem as I'm too embarrassed to discuss with the doctor. 

I have been with my partner for 8 years now and I have always suffered with no sex drive. At the beginning it was better but the past few years I have no interest in it at all. I love him very much but the thought of having sex horrifies me, I feel so awkward. I have never been very interested and very rarely have any sexual thoughts about anyone or anything. 

My partner on the other hand has a normal sex drive and our relationship is suffering because of me. He feels sad and lonely because of our lack of intimacy, I feel so bad. He loves me but feels like leaving the relationship, this scares me so much but I don't know how to feel better about intimacy. 

I do suffer with anxiety and have has 2 lots of CBT for General Anxiety. I am still very controlling over aspects of my life and although not as high as it has been I still feel anxious on a daily basis. This is just adding to my anxiousness and Im not sure what or where to go for help.

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5 Replies

  • Posted

    Are you taking any medication for your anxiety Sarah, and if so what, what dosage, and how long have you been taking it?
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    • Posted

      Ok then, firstly let me say that you are not the first person to think that they lack sex drive and you will not be the last - we are all made differently.

      I understand your fear that you believe your partner might leave you because of this problem, but please be reassured this seldom happens in an otherwise good relationship.

      I think the main issue here is that maybe you are suffering with an anxiety disorder that is being exaggerated by the fear your partner might leave, so the answer is to try to get to the root of that problem and get some treatment for it.

      You may not as yet have discussed your problem with your partner, and if you haven't then I suggest that you should. I find that when we actually communicate the problems we have and the way that we feel, it not only makes it better for our partners to understand, but it also takes the pressure off us.

      Also, because this is clearly a sensitive matter for you, it maybe better for you to find a female doctor with whom l you can be open and discuss things freely.

      I am certain of one thing though, and that is you can be helped in overcoming your problem if you will only take the first steps in the right direction.

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  • Posted

    Firstly - don't feel embarrassed and please do go to your doctor (even if you discuss it with a woman-dr; if your usual gp is a man and you don't feel comfortable telling him this). 

    A lack of sex drive can be linked to a lot of things - one of them being depression; so you may find that if they can put you on some medication, or if you change your diet a bit, that this could help. 

    It may be that you need some counselling regarding this area of your life (either as a couple, or on your own). Is there something that is worrying you about sex that is putting you off? (Have you experienced pain in the past, or are worried about getting pregnant etc). 

    All these worries have an effect on our ability, or wish to have sex, so I think you definitely need to seek some help to get to the bottom of it. 

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  • Posted

    Are you tactile? Do you kiss and cuddle. If so all is not lost.  You must however find the courage to talk things through with your partner - a problem shared is a problem halved. Lack of sex drive can and does happen to anyone and not just because they suffer from anxiety. In your case you were already suffering from anxiety and the lack of sex drive is making things worse. You also need to talk to your doctor or even a nurse at the surgery. Don't be embarrassed - they get a lot of people through their doors with sexual problems of some kind. Don't be afraid - make an appointment now.
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