No support and in a panic cycle.

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I've been in a panic cycle since 10:30pm it is now 1:50am.

I've tried to talk to my partner to distract myself but he says he doesn't know how to talk to me and I should be able to sit in a dark room and sort this out for myself.

I have Thanatophobia......a fear of death.

I don't know what to do, half of me wants to run away to my dad's and the other half wants to go to hospital.

I feel completely let down and panicky.

Help!!!

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4 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Dannir, how are you feeling? That sounds horrible. I'm sorry your partner isn't as supportive as he should be sad. That's a horrible thing to go through on your own, especially at night. I hope you are feeling better, although you must be exhausted.

    Can I ask if anything in particular started your phobia? I had it for a while as a child, and I'm pretty sure most people have it at some time in their lives to some extent. I used to lie awake at night worrying about it constantly and afraid to go to sleep. I also had bad health anxiety for many many years (and still do now and again) and I'm sure the two must be linked!

    What help have you recieved? It's awful to think that a fear of dying is actually stopping you enjoying your life. 

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    • Posted

      Hi Mari,my phobia started when my nan passed away from cancer almost 10 years ago.

      I've had anxiety all today and it's not getting much better, barely even moved off of the couch, I have zero motivation for anything right now.

      I've been in the same position, lying awake at night afraid to sleep, still do every now and again.

      I've pretty much given myself a phobia of everything, being on my own, bathing, going outside, unkown phone calls or having to phone other people who I don't know.

      I've just started CBT but my first session set me off on this week long nightmare. Talking about it makes it worse but I'm willing to give it a go until my course of treatment is up, I'd try anything if I thought it would help. I take antidepressants, beta blockers and at times diazepam although my doc has just prescribed me an antihistamine because it has drowsy side effects to help me sleep.

      I think if I'm honest I reach crisis point at least every 2 days if not every day, times when I just lose all hope and think I'd be better off in a hospital.

      I try to get my partner involved but he just doesn't seem to get it and I don't know what else to do about it.

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    • Posted

      Hi Dannie, yes, these things do tend to multiply!  I've yet to try CBT but I have to say that I had three counselling sessions which actually set me back and have made me worse! However CBT might be better as it should teach you to think differently (so I have heard!).

      I do wonder though if some of this might be caught up with grief for your Nan?? Rather than death itself. I am certainly not an expert in any way, it just seems to make sense to me. I'm going to assume that you were still fairly young when it happend and that must have been an awful experience for you to witness that. Perhaps grief counselling might be of greater help than the CBT? I apologise if that isn't the case. It's just my opinion. That is all!

      I'm really sorry you are not getting the support you need. Mental health problems are hard enough to deal with, without having to try and explain yourself all the time to a partner (I know this from experience). You need them to validate how you feel. I'm sorry he isn't doing that for you. But people on here will!

      One more thing. Do you keep busy and socialise? I can't do much about that anymore (I have fibromyalgia) but I have found many many times in the past, when my anxiety levels were sky high, that it was because I had shut myself away. The more I am out and about and spending time with friends, the better I feel and the specific anxiety issues (like health) fade away. It's always when I am cooped up and too scared to do anything that they get worse. The more I 'pretended' to be 'normal' the more normal I began to feel. It is still like this now, but I'm mostly trapped indoors these days because of the fibro.

      Don't give up. I believe you can find a way through this. As I keep being told...baby steps. Try and get out even for 10 minutes every day. A walk round the block. Build that up as slowly as you need to. I used to love going for walks to clear my head, and just be out and about.

      Anyway, enough from me!! I hope you have a better night tonight. xx

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    • Posted

      Hi mari, I don't know how all this started I just know how I feel now. I know I didn't properly grieve for my nan which probably was the catalyst for all this to start.

      I tried to speak to him last night, I tried to get him to comfort and help me but he just didn't seem interested, when I asked him to speak about anything that would distract me he refused then said I should be able to deal with this myself...

      Ye, my first CBT has set me back quite a bit.

      No I dont really socialise because I'm scared of freaking out confront of people who've never seen me have a panic attack before so I try avoid it. I go see family but then I always end up having to sleep over coz the bus travel back gives me anxiety too.

      I'd say 90% of my time is spent indoors.

      It's nice to hear about you too and I'm sorry you have fibromyalgia, it can't be easy for you not being able to get about.

      I hope I have a better night too. Just feel so overwhelmed sometimes.

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