Not Depressed - Just A Miserable Get!

Posted , 5 users are following.

I've posted a couple of times on this forum & as much as I may be clinically depressed I've come to the conclusion I'm simply be a misery.

I often mask my miserable life & lifestyle by being overly enthusiastic whether that be by leading the supporters' chants at football matches or getting up on the karaoke or thinking I''m the funniest guy in the pub!

Really though I know I'm depressed when I have no job or confidence in my skills or experience to apply for jobs; when my hobbies have no attraction and I don't want to see any 'mates' especially as I feel I have no real friends.

Last yeat I went on a CBT course but was disappointed that it was group sessions rather than one on one.

I recently thought that I should finally try meds but just 2 weeks into daily 20mg citalopram tablets I felt awful and as much as I was told that I had to give any meds at least a month to feel any benefit I felt I couldn't face being made to feel any worse before I was to get better.

At 54yrs old the miserable aspect to my life comes back to smack me in the mush when I have no motivation and no energy to get out and get back in the real world.

I have an 18 month old grandaughter who is now my sole inspiration and I just want to be a better person for her.

I still yearn for somebody to wave a magic wand and help me wake up snd get real!!

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  • Posted


    Sorry the only person who can rid themselves of being bored or a miserable Git is you. Your hobbies are your interests so generally speaking a hobbie needs to keep you happy and act as a diversion for your Mental Health problems.

    My disability affects my short term memory, it is up to me to understand my needs and work out ways to sort out my negativity. Even when I do not enjoy what I am doing I consider what would be the ramifications if I did not fulfill the activity I have to do.

    You may find a dog could help you lift yourself out of your moods, the dog would make you take it for a walk and also be a mood changer.

    I have my hobbies and I do not expect that new activity to join my great to do list.

    Like you I am getting on a bit, in four months I will be sixty seven, so I have to be careful not to look at things in the short term and be positive and consider I still have a long time to make a new hobbie beneficial to my mood.

    I have an Orchard of thirty trees that keep me busy and We have a Collie who is quite demanding wanting His walks, we are lucky we live in the countryside and we are also near the coast, so the beach and sea seem to draw him on the sand so He can run and run.

    I keep myself busy with History and geography, visiting NT, EH and Historic Houses throughout the summer and that keeps me busy.

    I am learning to sail powerboats and we are taking the courses that we need to fulfill this interest. We are taking our Marine VHF Certficate this Sunday and complete the Practical in the next few weeks, if I fail so what, I am trying something new.

    We both read a great deal and that also helps, I have problems with my memories in the short term so my Wife has built up a library of picture books.

    I might grumble when studying although I understand it is only me who can make changes to my final decades.

    You say CBT was a group Therapy as and see if a course on your own would help you and could be arranged. Remember it is only you who can pull out of negativity, the CPN will help you. Only yourself can come to terms with your concerns and put all back into perspective.

    I take Citalopram 20mg Daily and will do so for the rest of my life because of Chronic Disability, they take upwards of five weeks to work, the side affects will become less over time so you need to be patient and allow time to pass, they will eventually help you move on.

    You have something I have never had a son/daughter and associated Grandchild because of my disability, You have a marvelous thing there, She will help keep you happy and busy, go with that at first, could you not play and take Her out during the day


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  • Posted

    Oh that magic wand. If only we could find it!

    I'm married to a miserable get and, trust me, there's a big difference between just being a MG and being depressed. They wouldn't be seen dead near a karaoke machine for a start. As you've already been offered medication and been sent for CBT, you've had a medical diagnosis and basically, it's not your miserable nature, you are ILL. That's the get real bit?

    I've tried a wide range of medications for my MH problems and the side effects can be horrible. If they haven't eased by 2 weeks, then probably that medication doesn't suit you. In normal circumstances, you'd report back to your GP and an alternative would be prescribed. The other thing is, sometimes there are additional meds that can be prescribed to see you through the worst side effects. I have a phobia for vomiting and a lot of SSRIs cause nausea. I just can't risk it - but I've found there is a common anti-nausea drug that no GP had ever thought to suggest to me. I asked for it and what a difference it made! 

    My advice would be to focus on the inspiration your granddaughter gives you and go back to your GP and start again, asking for an alternative medication and a referral for one-to-one CBT. The medication might or might not help. You'll know within a month probably. If that doesn't work, ask to try another. There will be one to help stabilise you so you can then make other changes to help you enjoy life again. After a severe bout of anxiety and depression, I tried 4 different SSRIs before the 5th turned out to be worthwhile 2 months ago. I don't intend to be on it forever; just long enough to get me up and running again. There's no quick fix, no magic wand. Even meds are not going to 'cure' you - but they should get you to a place where you can look more confidently at your life and your attitude towards yourself and make the changes you want to make.


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  • Posted

    I feel like this is what you need, I could be completely wrong... but man up and take the pain, it's just a few weeks before the meds will start working, do you think you'll regret those weeks in a months time? No, you'll be happy you did it. And you will thank your past self!

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  • Posted

    Hi Bon - sorry to read of your situation, but a situation that people here can certainly realste to. You state that you have only recently started meds, and, yes, they will take time to be fully beneficial. In the interim, there may be discomfort as your body adjusts. If, however, this discomfort continues and your mood doesn't improve, then there are many other types of AD meds that can be prescribed. Unfortunately because of the nature of mental disorders there is no tried and true single solution for all of us.

    Once you have established what is the right drug for you and your sense of well being improves, it is beneficial to include a therapist or psychologist to help us dig into whether there are underlying issues in our past from which the depression has developed. we learn coping skills to recognise any triggers for depression and methods to help ourselves through any threat or onslaught of this insidious and slippery disease. Patience is key, it is worth it. Further, you have the gift of a valuable incentive - your beautiful grandaughter. Hang in there, bon, perservere and things will get better. Best of luck to you.

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