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Not such good news

Posted , 8 users are following.

tess33005
tess33005

As many people on this site know, my husband, Jim, has been sober for over two weeks. I remember ADE mentioning Alcohol Deprivation Effect.

Today, Jim went round to some friends to watch the football (or was it rugby................) and I stayed at home.

He DID come home at the time he'd said he would, but was not sober. He wasn't very drunk, but he'd definitely had more than his usual three cans. I decided not to challenge him, which turned out to be the right thing to do. Without prompting, he said, "Ah'm a wee bitty drunk, Tess."  So I said that he'd been doing very well up until now, and that tomorrow was another day. We didn't row - just ended up looking at B & Bs in Dorset.

I need reassurance that this will turn out to be a blip, and that he won't steadily increase his alcohol consumption. He said "Sorry" to me and I just told him not to worry. But inside I'm scared.

0 likes, 19 replies

19 Replies

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  • Sober_As
    Sober_As tess33005

    Posted

    Hi Tess,

    I suppose he won't even know the answer to that, himself.  He may just have been joining in with his friends.  As you said, tomorrow is another day... hopefully, he will go back to the 3cans routine of the last couple of weeks.

    You have been so supportive of his decrease in alcohol consumption... he knows that... I would assume that is why he was sorry about today's blip.

    Dealing with drinking socially is an aspect to discuss... when the time is right.  Perhaps, just before he goes to his friends again.  He will have to work out what works for him, when the beer is flowing... I think.

    Try not to be scared about it.  I know that it is hard, not to worry.

    Love and Blessings to you,

    Angel  XX

     

    • tess33005
      tess33005 Sober_As

      Posted

      Thank you, Angel. I did see the other  two blokes, who are also suffering from AUD.

      One was pretty sober, but the other came to our house long after Jim got home, was very drunk indeed (but he drinks bottles of wine plus cans of lager on a daily basis) and demanded entrance through our back door. And I mean DEMANDED. He is a great friend and he often comes round to play Trivial Pursuit and do crossword puzzles with us - but when he's had a few............he's a nightmare. We had to threaten him with the police before he left, hurling abuse all the way. Jim went out to him and asked him to leave (nicely) but this chap didn't want to leave. So Jim walked him (with difficulty) to the main street and there they parted company.

      The trouble is that all Jim's friends have AUD. They come round here a lot, and almost always we have a pleasant time - but once they've got to the truculent stage, it's a devil of a job to persuade them to go - which is such a shame because we both like them very much. One of them is a psychologist and used to run  a rehab for people with AUD and heroin/crack addiction. I say 'used to run it' because he,too, fell foul of the alcohol and indeed also the heroin. He hasn't touched heroin for many years now but is still drinking.

      I was glad that Jim went to see whatever match was on with them, and I deliberately didn't say "Don't drink too much" to him. But this morning he opened a can at 07.00. I'll see what he does for the rest of the day. Thank you for your lovely reply.

  • Robin2015
    Robin2015 tess33005

    Posted

    Dear Tess. Angel said it all. Leave it for now and hope that he is ok from now...Best of luck. Robin
    • tess33005
      tess33005 Robin2015

      Posted

      Thanks, Robin - you're always so supportive. It really helps.
  • Paper_fairy
    Paper_fairy tess33005

    Posted

    Hi Tess. Sorry for delayed reply. I've been knocked out for 12 hours on ph. Weirdest dreams(tell you later). Couldn't believe it when looked ot mobile. Took me 5 mins to realise it was 7 in morning, thought it was 7 in evening!

    Anyway Angel has said it all. Make sure he's stuffed with malt loafs! And food plus water and soft drinks. Helps to take cravings away. 

    Call me if you're worried. Friggin football is not helping him at all!!!. Lots of love xxx

    • tess33005
      tess33005 Paper_fairy

      Posted

      No malt loaves arriving until the supermarket delivery at 12.00 lol.He's eating well now. I'm taking a back seat today and just see what he does.

      He isn't all that interested in football - he just went to have an afternoon with his pals. Will be in touch later. xx

  • ADEfree
    ADEfree tess33005

    Posted

    I think that was a great way to handle it, Tess. He seems to be keeping it under control for the most part and I think you've found a way to help him do that. Keep on with it and hopefully the doctors will be able to prescribe some meds to help him knock it down even further. 

    All in all, I'd say Job Well Done to the both of you. 

    • tess33005
      tess33005 ADEfree

      Posted

      Thanks, ADE. It's only because of the help I've received from everyone on this forum that had taught me to cope better and not challenge him all the time.

      My valium-reducing doctor ( if that makes sense) is also in charge of Alcohol Services for our borough. I went down another 2mg a day for a month, on Friday, and I'm still not smoking. I hope your battle with fags is continuing.

      Anyway, Dr. G. keeps asking me to bring Jim to one of my appointments and then gradually bring the subject round to Jim's AUD. Dr. G. is in favour of TSM. Maybe, maybe, I'll get Jim to come with me and leave he rest off it to Dr. G.

      Thanks for your contined support, ADE.

    • ADEfree
      ADEfree tess33005

      Posted

      This is all sounding very good, Tess! Very good indeed. I hope that Dr. G will find that when all is considered that Jim is a good candidate for TSM.

      Congratulations on your continued progress with turning your back on the benzos, yay and keep up the good work! I wish I could match you on the smokes, but at least I've cut back some. I've been AF for a week though (for the first time in decades), with any urge to drink lasting no more than a few seconds.  We'll see how long that one plays out.

    • tess33005
      tess33005 ADEfree

      Posted

      WEll, in view of that, I wouldn't worry about a few ciggies, Ade. xx
  • Paper_fairy
    Paper_fairy tess33005

    Posted

    Hi Tess you did the right thing..know how frustrating it is for you so well done. Talking from experience here, people that got angry and challenged me just made me worse, and drink more. The people who are supportive, just make me want to get better and make me more positive to succeed in beating this illness. Take care and stay strong xx
    • tess33005
      tess33005 Paper_fairy

      Posted

      Thanks, pf. It's now half past nine and he's only had that one can at 07.00. He's had coffee and breakfast. We haven't mentioned last night. I now know that if I have a go at him he'll respond by arguing with me, then going down to the off licence for more cans. So I'm keeping schtum.   xx
  • RHGB
    RHGB tess33005

    Posted

    A typical get together with mates and sport on TV, the only thing missing is alcohol and of course that is included. Watching sport brings stress and anxiety that comes with the ebb and flow of the game and what naturally suppresses both of those...
    • ADEfree
      ADEfree RHGB

      Posted

      Yeah, the social factor is a big one. That seems to be where a lot of people have trouble keeping it under control.
    • tess33005
      tess33005 RHGB

      Posted

      You'e right. And I'm glad to say that the next day, he went back to three cans. So he's still trying.
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