Not sure if I'm depressed?

Posted , 2 users are following.

Hello, so in November of last year, I began to have pretty bad anxiety and panic attacks everyday until about a few weeks ago. Now, I can't really feel any emotion even though I try and I know I should be feeling something but I just don't. I feel like an apathetic monster. Sometimes I can't even cry when I want to. I feel like I'm acting/putting on a mask when I'm at school talking to friends. Also I don't really have the motivation to do any schoolwork anymore, which is causing my grades to slip a little bit. This causes me to feel even worse about myself and I end up getting all these bad thoughts about how i'm a failure and i'll never get into college, etc. I just want to go back to my normal self and start feeling emotions again, and doing my best in school. I'm only 14 and i'm scared i've ruined my life already. My therapist says I should do breathing techniques to help me calm down, but that advice is useless since I don't even get that anxious anymore. Just numb. So I'm desperate right now. sad Help plz. 

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  • Posted

    Oh gosh I didn't mean to post this in the anxiety disorders group how stupid am i sorry guys. 
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    • Posted

      I think you posted in the right place, Nina.  And I also wanted to tell you that you are very articulate and wise beyond your years too.  I would have never imagined your were only 14.  Part of your problem too, in that regard, may be that your maturity level exceeds that of your friends and sometimes that can make relating to others difficult.  Hang in there.  It will get better!  I promise. 
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  • Posted

    You are very young and sounds like a lot of what you are going through has to do with puberty and that's normal.  However, you state that you have a therapist which sounds to me like your anxiety and panic disorder was bad enough that your parents sought the help of a professional for you.  I think it's sad and tragic when a young person  has to seek mental health therapy these days.  I wonder what causes these things and I know first hand too because I  had my first panic attack around fifteen.  I didn't know what it was and thought I was dying.  I couldn't catch my breath and it felt like my heart was going to stop.  My son also suffered these too but didn't have the problem as young as I did.  Anyway, we didn't have therapist and medications back then so I picked up a guitar and started playing.  I had skated for years as a child in competition, etc. and had stopped that at about the time I started having the panic.  I think it was because of the loss of something dear to me, the skating, and all that it involved.  And I'm thinking too mixing that with going through puberty and becoming a young woman makes it that much more complex. 

    I am also thinking that perhaps you have had something in your life that has changed course for you, a loss of something, a traumatic experience somewhere, a change that you might be having trouble coping with and your body has responded with anxiety and then a letting down, as in what you are experiencing now.  It's a coping mechanism.  For instance, some people faint when they experience something extraordinarily shocking or traumatic.  That's the body's way of "shutting down" so that you can cope.  When you faint, the brain shuts down,  your heart rate slows to normal and then you wake up.  It's sort of like rebooting a computer.  But your lack of emotion may just be how your brain is dealing with something affecting your emotions right now, sort of like a protective mechanism.  Of course then, you worry about that and it snow balls.  Sometimes distraction is the best medicine in this regard like say a hobby or new interest.  What do you like to do?  What makes you happy?  Are you artistic or have some talent in a certain thing?  How about an extracurricular activity after school?  Do you like to write or compose?  Like to read?  Join a group at school where you can endulge in a favorite thing.  You may find sooner than later, your emotional health start to return.  Or perhaps you can just have a good cry.  If there is something that has  happened in your life, some traumatic change or loss and you haven't fully coped with it and you have emotionally shut down because of it, getting back in to life will allow your emotions to kick back in so that maybe you can laugh again or cry your eyes out, pick yourself back up and get on with life because you are young and you have your entire life ahead of you and it can be great if you choose to allow it to be.  Good luck to you, sweetie. 

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    • Posted

      Thanks so much. Actually I've lost my uncle to substance abuse around this time last year so maybe that could be it. I'm feeling a little better but not 100%. So I think i'll be leaving this site for a while to try to get back in check with my life. Again thanks! smile
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