Not sure what is happening to me..
Posted , 3 users are following.
My mental health is taking a strange turn.
I've been told I have severe depression, severe anxiety. I've never took much notice of it, the doctors wanted me to continue working my way through therapists because of the thought that I have aspergers.
I stopped seeing anyone including regular doctors last year, I quit my antidepressants and haven't been back.
Recently my paranoia has gotten worse. I've always been slightly paranoid about the holes in my wall, the possibility of the house being bugged.
I realised my paranoia wasn't normal when I was in a hotel with my friend and I hid scissors under my pillow in case she tried to attack me. It made no sense, but I was scared.
My Mother has a boyfriend and he's slept downstairs a few times and I've found myself barricaded my bedroom door, in case he attacks me at night.
I've always slept with a large kitchen knife under my pillow, just in case, but because of the newcomer (her boyfriend) I'm getting worse and more paranoied.
I should add that neither my friend or my Mom's boyfriend are threatening in the slightest, at all.
I'm worried that I'll eventually lose all control of my paranoia. I leave the house maybe once a month and I don't want to make myself worse.. I don't know what to think.
I don't want to slowly worsen, I don't know how to fix this. Why do I think these things that make no sense? 
2 likes, 3 replies
pixie22 lit53944
Posted
I have to say that you answer your own question in the first part of your post. You went against medical advice, you stopped your therapy, you quit your medication. That's why you are having these thoughts. If you are troubled by what's happening, which you seem to be since you have posted here, then you need to get back to the doctor and explain what's going on, then try the treatment offered.
lit53944 pixie22
Posted
I'm sorry I didn't explain that very thoroughly, the anti depressants made me very ill. I gained almost 5st, I was sleeping around 14-16hrs a day and felt no benefit to my state of mind.
My doctor is notorious for being unprofessional, they've poisoned me with penicilin before, knowing I was allergic and I ended up in hospital, they've lost test results, they've removed me from waiting lists without notifying me.
As for the therpists, there is one woman in my area who you MUST go through to get further care, I've seen here four different times over the past 8 years and each time she's cancelled the follow up appointment, and then never got back to me and each time I have to re-arrange, I have to start from scratch
I've been taken to hospital multiple times due to my mind but my city has no place for people like me, the mental health care here is almost non-existant and the one psyciatric hospital here is severely lacking, only a year or so ago a woman discharged herself and hung herself nearby
I'm at a loss, I can't see any option available anymore, I've resorted to isolating myself and hoping for the best.. I know it's not a smart move
I just don't want anyone to think that I'm willingly ignoring doctors advice.
jan93765 lit53944
Posted
Get back to your doctor quick! Find someone you trust... but this paranoia will spiral until it's out of control. You don't want to act on what you now know is an irrational feeling. Please seek advice! And please take care of yourself!