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Not sure what to put on here tonight minds a muddle

Posted , 2 users are following.

tina89895
tina89895

My head is in a muddle, not sure if i am coming or going. Beginning of the week felt ok except keep getting a pain in middle of my chest and weak sensation down my left arm don't know if it is a muscle strain or just anxiety. Take diazepam to relax and it eventually goes. Met up with a pal to catch up after her holiday went for a walk, pain in chest again and arm, bottom of right eye went black for a split second or two then lots of floaters then was ok. Pain went away after a while. Been to exercise class this evening pains in chest and left arm again. Ended up crying in the changing room. Been very stressed this week as occupational health telephone meeting today went ok being referred for a face to face appointment now so don't think my manager will be trying to get rid of me yet (I hope). Can't stop crying again, I really thought I was getting somewhere last week, oh yes had a panic attack the other night as a bat was in my house, daughter in law had to come round got it out the window. Been having weird dreams last night I was homeless and no one cared. lots of weird stuff, I know i'm rambling but need to put this down so hopefully it will go away....trying not to hurt myself this evening as feeling very vulnerable. Dr's tomorrow then meeting with my manager. Everything seems so stressful and a lot doesn't seem to make sense to me, my head is in a turmoil this week. i just feel so lost and alone yet again. Thanks for listening x

1 like, 4 replies

4 Replies

  • grandmaw
    grandmaw tina89895

    Posted

    Hi Tina, how did it go with the doctor, I hope you told him/her everything especially about the chest pain and feeling down left arm, I do think it could be anixety but I'm not a doctor, only a person who has gone through similar things. You have had a stressed week, seeing your boss, have you been off work for long? are they holding the job for you when you return when you are feeling alot better. I do think we would all be in the same boat with the bat, I cant stand them they give me the creeps at the best of times let alone if they came in the house.

    Please stay strong and hold onto all the good things you have, I know you probably dont think you have any but I'm sure if you get a good night sleep you will wake up tomorrow and think I have got a lovely bed, house, etc.............

    I suppose I am quoting to you what I should be doing too.... oh its so hard I'm coming off diazepam slowly but its really having weird effects on me, like panic and anxiety about going anywhere etc.... but I do support you and I think I have wrote to you before.  Stay calm have a good night sleep and just try and enjoy the long weekend, at least you will have your partner at home for a extra day (I hope I havent put my foot in it saying you have a partner as I dont know sorry) Please just keep writing on here and you know you will get support and help.  I hope someone else give you abit more advice than I have, but please stay strong and dont do anything to hurt yourself.,  take care

    • tina89895
      tina89895 grandmaw

      Posted

      Hi grandmaw

      My doctor seems to think its acid reflux as I've put on weight due to the mirtazapine which I want to start coming off but have to wait to see the psychiatrist in september. But i;m not sure as it keeps coming back even walking through town today and i felt really sick.

      I was off work last year from August to mid November, then off again mid May being admitted to the psychiatric hospital for my own safety for 3 weeks.  I don't know things are coming to ahead. I am going to try and go back again on a phased return and see how I go again but I still have problems controlling my emotions. temper etc. Supposed to be working on this with my cpn.

      I know you mean well and haven't read my goodness how many discussions but all this mental illness etc came about following the death of my husband from a terminal illness last July.

      I'm not having a great evening either, one of the fuses has blown in the house so only have a few lights and I can't be bothered to try and sort it now. I thought I was doing not too bad but this week seems to be going further and further down that slippery slope again. 

      Not quite sure what good things to hold onto at present did get The Faces dvds today which I haven;t listend to them all yet so maybe tomorrow.

      You look after yourself and enjoy your long weekend. Hope the sun shines too for you. 

    • tina89895
      tina89895

      Posted

      I;m going further and further down the slippery slope this evening, I'm scared because one of the fuses have gone in the house, I'm frightened incase it sets on fire no reason why it should but I'm struggling to cope with this. I want to go out but bats might get in the house and I can't cope with that either. this all sounds stupid when I see this written down. I keep getting visions of hurting myself again too. I'm a mess why can't I cope with this, why  oh why what;s the point......
    • grandmaw
      grandmaw tina89895

      Posted

      Hi Tina, sorry Iwasnt here for you last night, I'm sure if the fuse have gone everything should be ok as it stops electric getting to the point which isnt working, the best way to see what throws the trip is put one thing on at a time and then you will know what is blowing the trip.

      I'm so very sorry about your husband, I really didnt know so hope I didnt upset you last night, as with the refulx, I suffer from that and what happens is that acid comes back up in your throat and mouth, sometimes I am sick with it, but you can get medication for it and also I had to see a specialist who put a tube down into my stomach to make sure there was no uclers which there wasnt thank goodness so it is just trying to eat no acided foods or drink.  I find when I go to bed having a milk shake it tends to settle my stomach so I can sleep you can of course just drink milk but I dont like to I used to drink milk alot but obviously after years your taste buds change.  I hope you didnt hurt yourself last night and I am sorry I didnt see your answers, but please just hang in there your husband wouldnt want you to do any harm to yourself and Im sure he is looking down on you and saying come on Tina you can do it you will get through this. I am a christian so believe that people are waiting for us when the time is right to meet up again, I was always told as a child God has plans for you and when your time is up you will go..... I have tried a lot of times obviously unsuccessful but we all feel sometimes that we cant go on and have to struggle on, I can only hope you are getting support from other members of your family or friends I will speak soon, my daughter and grandchildren have just arrived. Keep safe and speak soon

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