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Nothing is helping my depression

Posted , 5 users are following.

Jo.24
Jo.24

I don't really know how to start with this so I apologize if I end up being all over the place. I'm about to be a sophomore in college and I've been severely depressed for years now. I transferred home after my first semester of freshman year because my depression was so bad I wouldn't go out or talk to a single person. I didn't make any friends on my floor and I had a bad binge eating disorder that was beginning to take over my life. I came home to get back into therapy and and on medication since I stopped both my senior year of high school. I had tried 3 SRRI's (zoloft, prozac, and lexapro) and they did nothing for my symptoms so I decided to not bother with meds. I hated therapy when I did go, but I knew my problems were getting worse so I had to go again. I've been in therapy since January and I've made zero progress. I used to go once a week but since June I have been going twice a week to a therapy center that specializes in eating disorders and BDD since I assumed that was my main issue. For a few months I was on Luvox and a mood stabilizer to treat my OCD-like thoughts but it did nothing except cause extreme insomnia where I'd go days without sleeping. I then was put on effexor for 2 or 3 weeks which made me the most suicidal I had been up until that point and I was switched to Zoloft for the second time. I've been on Zoloft since May, on 100mg, and it's doing nothing. I'm still as suicidal as I was on the effexor. I know I won't do anything because death scares me too much, but I can't stop imagining myself dead, thinking about overdosing, wishing someone would crash into me, etc. I feel more empty than I ever have, more emotionally numb, and hopeless. I kept thinking that coming home would be good for me, and that by now I would be so much better and happier. Instead, almost 7 months later and I feel deeper into the darkness. The only thing that's changed is that I don't binge anymore. The zoloft has completely ruined my appetite and I'm too depressed to eat. However, the body image and self-esteem only worsens by the day. I'm so obsessed with getting every part of my body and face redone and I get overwhelmed and stressed at the thought of how I'm supposed to get the money to do everything. I feel so disconnected from the world, I don't want to go anywhere or talk to anyone. I've chosen not to see a single high school friend all summer because I don't want to be seen. I'm going to a school I'm not interested in because my dad wanted me close to home but home is a toxic environment for me. My self-esteem issues come from childhood and the emotional abuse of my dad. I'm not excited to go away in a month, I don't feel ready, but if I stay here I really think I would kill myself. No medication is easing my symptoms, only making them worse and adding to them. Therapy hasn't helped despite how open I am with my therapist or how seriously I take her feedback. I'm trying so hard but I feel so empty and unfixable. 

1 like, 4 replies

4 Replies

  • Heartbleed
    Heartbleed Jo.24

    Posted

    Hi Jo

    I went through exactly like you with the meds.

    Then the Dr decided to put me on Mirtazapine.

    It worked like a dream. I started of on 15mg at night.

    I started eating like a horse and fell asleep 25mins later.

    I eventually ended up on the max dose of 45mg daily.

    Take care

    Vangellis

  • Donna23316
    Donna23316 Jo.24

    Posted

    Hey Jo, I'm so sorry you feel the way you do. You are clearly very depressed and confused I'd say. Everyday feels like a test of endurance and everyday you try. You're trying hard just to feel OK but your depression is making it feel like a losing battle. I want you to read back your post and pretend a friend of yours had written it. What honest advice would you give them,?i just want you to remove yourself from the situation for a while to give your mind a rest. You say you are going to therapy, well therapy can be difficult. Don't be put off by the meds you've tried. Put it down to trial and error. They obviously don't agree with you so go back to your doctor and discuss changing them. You can find an antidepressant that works for you and you can feel better. Please believe that will the right medication you can and will feel right again. Make that appointment honey. Donna xxx

  • Patient-Mod
    Patient-Mod Jo.24

    Posted

    Hi Jo.24

    We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologise for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.

     

    If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The organisations below can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen. If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to one of these organisations who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.

     

    There are several helplines in the US which can help you.

     

    They include the Crisis Call Center on Phone: (800) 273-8255;

     

    Hopeline Network on Phone: (800) 422-HOPE (1-800-422-4673)

     

    and the National Suicide Prevention Hotline on Phone: (800) 273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).

    Please do reach out - there are many good people who can help.

    Kindest regards,

    Patient 

  • hypercat
    hypercat Jo.24

    Posted

    Hi no one is unfixable so get out of that mindset.  The trouble with meds and therapy is that they can take some time to get right for you and to help.

    You need to keep trying different meds and combinations until you find one that works for you so be patient.  As for counselling there are also lots of different types so persevere there as well.

    Of course it is up to you whether you want the professional help.  If you don't then you need to look at the self help route which includes things like mindfulness,  meditation,  yoga and so on.  There are also herbs such as St. John's Wort which have helped depression in some people.  x

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