Now she's gone all cold, but don't get why?
Posted , 3 users are following.
where do i start and how? sorry to ask for help! sorry this happened! why should i wear this as a badge of honour? i never said rape was easy, i never said life was, i didn't ask for this and now i'm getting the impression i will have to, but why? my only crime? i sought support from elsewhere who deal with life in general. i didn"t i wasn't allowed, i didn't break the rules, someone up there wants me to not have a life. assault. once labelled ALWAYs labelled? so it seems. i"ll see if i can get it tattooed, maybe s constant reminder? no wonder people take their life, seems like a good plan.
0 likes, 17 replies
One23 sam18386
Posted
hi Sam
what happened? Write to me. You are always the one to encourage others on this forum. we must support you. You are the same beautiful person now as before. You are not alone. Let us help you out of this place. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.You are the victim.Many many girls and women should hear from you, to understand what rape is, what it does to a person, how to come out strong and live life. Anyone on this forum who thinks the same, how brave you are, how you are a fighter not a quitter, will say the same. I am so proud of you Sam.
sam18386 One23
Posted
i made a mistake. that's all, a mistake. i asked for general life support elsewhere.
One23 sam18386
Posted
Sam it may be a mistake. Try to not beat yourself up. Funny in life we do not know if a decision thats made is actually good or bad until later, or we may enjoy live and has forgotten what we did
It is multi times tougher than me, what you are going through. I can only imagine the guilt, as though you did something to deserve it. this is not true.
Serious I think you should go on a TedTalk and tell the world about yourself and the manner you are treated in society. Many many women would welcome it.
My son , who is having trauma Therapy is unwell still. but when he is back on his foot again, do no mess with him. He is interested in going onto tedtalk and campaign for more spotchecks on schools by neutral agents, to ensure no one, no one learns by fear ,and wrecked for life as a child ,such a vulnerable age, even b4 entering the real world.
The sole isolation of disruptive pupils for a day or sometimes weeks. is the trend now. As usual, the govt waffles about its glory..Well, it is very very sad where Mental Health is concerned. We will have a Mentally ill boom soon.
. We have been blessed with a brain and speech and the 5 senses, make good use of them ,: be kind, be caring, encourage, like you do Sam. We as humans have a choice. My choice is to never hurt another with actions or words but instead to care for the person in front of me, listen well, have a heart and where possible find a way to help or show the person where to get help.
sam18386 One23
Posted
hi one, this has broken me. 3 times i've tried to sort this and now i'm cut off due to a mistake. i didn't sleep really, i am not very well at the moment anyway, so am not coping well. i am desperately upset about this. rape is funny? how? not a joke, not funny not after 28 years.
sam18386 One23
Posted
hi one, well that's torn it! i have never been so upset, i have spent the last 3 days in tears, i feel exhausted just thinking about what she has done. she likes rules, i am going to make them stick to them so rigidly they will wish they hadn't bothered....... i have asked 2 other health professionals to intervene and make them explain what has happened. i have had enough, 28 years without support is obviously a joke to them. some joke! 😥😥😥😥😥😥😥😥😥😥
One23 sam18386
Posted
Sam
It is not a joke at all. Those who did this to you are scums. I cannot believe how these people live with themselves. You have such fighting power within you. Don't let anyone take this from you. Your dad is proud of you. You have lived with these horrible memories for so long, you will get through it, just like Petram says, if she can, you too. You are not alone. Please keep talking to us. We will help you in whatever way we can. Stay strong.
petram sam18386
Edited
hi sam
sorry i have not been online for many reason but i do understand rape violent rape via one person
them multiply boys all at once we are here for you you are not alone my guilt for things that happened to me from the age of two thru to fifteen where indescriable to many i still live with the scares and the memories daily please speak we want to help you help yourself start by scrbbling everthing down on paper then burn the mother so to speak. thats the paper not a person i have tried 27times to kill nyself to know advail still god knows why i dont i have no family no friends just me so if i can fight you can to
sam18386 petram
Posted
hi petram, now i feel worse! i feel sad for you. who are these vile scum who feel they can violate us and leave us in tatters? i was 19 when on of these cretins got his claws in to me. his name anyone still leaves me shuddering despite some counselling for this! this is because in addition a boyfriend did this when i was 25, he was not the same prat who tried things when i was 19. if i tell you everything that happened i will not be able to write, as i will have tears streaming down my face and not be able to see! i wish i could meet with you in person then we could speak properly. all i know is this is the worse thing i could possibly go through. rape stinks, it makes you into a different person to who you were. despite having support (which was helping until i got told off), i still find this incredibly tough to deal with. it has made me in to someone i barely know and recognise (and the outside world probably) because i don"t trust, struggle to sleep, am terrified half the time and feel detached. it's the flashbacks, how do YOU cope???? i know i don't, i shake i cry and suck my thumb when i'm at my worst. i have wanted to leave permanently to be with my dad, who is dead, to feel safe and be hugged. sorry if this has been long-winded i hope you understand some of my waffle.
petram sam18386
Posted
i feel your pain and suffering coping what is that this is when we decide to stop being a victim and use the word survivor yes we have survived one of the most terrifying things that could happen to a person we were violated to our core our pure essence as to what we are as a human being i have days that i can not move talk i am just consumed with fear but you know what the days i feel great i thank my stars that i get to see another day and make the most of it yes the power of positive thinking and doing stuff the people who say know to you be you and only you can make the change we are all here to help you on this journey
i live in aus i wish i was thier for you in person to give you a big hug and say its all right to feel this way but we can change we can you can make the change one step one day its your right to be human and feel this way but it is your like and right to choose change i had some one say to me they had no idaea i was a victim
i said its not tatoed to my forhead i am a surviour i am me its what you see is what you get i am the power of one take care and sing your favorite lullaby so you can sleep take care for now
sam18386 petram
Posted
hi petram, you are about the only person to understand me. i still feel a victim, i still feel stuck. how long did it take you to switch your mindset from victim to survivor? did you have help with this? i do have help but they cut this for 2 weeks and didn't explain why, they just sent me an email, not a phonecall, not a face to face conversation they spoke to nobody else to see if i am ok with this. i have had 3 lots of help, one stopped after 24 weeks, one stopped because i was ill and now i get 6 months in to this support and again support is stopped. i have a firm diagnosis of ptsd, weeks without support will set me back - rape is not just a temporary thing to deal with, it affects every level of your life. it cuts through everything. i feel gutted. if you had support were you told you could see no other health professionals? i was told at the last minute. how are we meant to survive without support? i feel dumped. i asked for general support above this counselling but didn't know i couldn't do this. at the moment my support is down the phone i may not pick it up ever again. all because i find other things tough, well excuse me.
petram sam18386
Posted
morning sam 18368
yes it is morning here i am 53 and only now just going to counselling it has taken along time for me to get help as know one has ever belied me as i was a state child the government was responsible for me
i have always been bullied beated up starved looked up in a small room yet for some reason i still fight
it is us those one who choose to fight become better people who can go on to help other people i am so with you lets try to think about a happy thing how that made you feel whear bright colours sit in the sun and enjoy the warmth it gives you these are some of the things i do if people are bieng negative tell them you choose not to listen you only what positive re enforcement if they cant do that you dont what to know and find a new councillor or a priest that you can talk to even some of the ladies at care centre will listen even if they cant help i want you to draw a bright coloured rainbow and put it on a door you look at all the time
i am sorry must go to work big air hug coming your way cheers for know
sam18386 petram
Posted
hi petram, another professional who i consider to now consider a friend has spoken to this counselling service and told them how terrible i have been, my husband has done the same. i think these places don't understand me as i have dyspraxia which is similar to being on the autistic spectrum, so will have to explain it to them yet again! i just want someone to explain why you can cut counselling half way through and leave people high and dry. this is hard enough without being mucked and messed around. i have for 4/5 weeks had the most horrendous flashbacks as i explained before i was assaulted twice and NOBODY has ever tackled this second assault properly and it's so frightening i can't even get the words out to explain this. i am just so scared, the damage he was beyond words. it's making me cry thinking about this. i hate him - so much. i have always been told that this was my fault.
petram sam18386
Posted
yes i do understand i only went to grade 7 in school i have dislexia and epilepsy
so it is had to explain when words get juble up and you cant find words to explain educated people just do not get this at all . know one will press chargeesaginst the boys who did me over even them at the tie some where sixteeeenn so at an ag they should have been charged. pease take the time and wright this stuff down and give it to the councilour or pollice so you can get lithe right help i am unable to cry or show emotion i still have so much anger in me at this stage in life i wish i could take it all away for you and some how make it better it is not your fault at all no matter what they say you have to stop the negatives and try your very best to use positive words and take the huge leap of bieng strong if i can you can
One23 sam18386
Edited
Sam
it is NOT your fault. Don't listen to people who are negative. We must not ler them take control over our thoughts. Even more, be the fighter in you. You fight for your health.
sam18386 One23
Edited
thanks petram, i am trying to get there, that's why i have sought support. it's just tough as i'm sure you know.
petram One23
Posted
one23 you are doing a great job
sam18386 petram
Posted
thank you for your support both of you!