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Nowhere & no one to turn to

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joanna48405
joanna48405

Hi. I'm 37 anad I've been struggling with bipolar disorder since age 14. I've tried so many medications, ECT, TMS, the Amen Clinic, and supplements that my psychiatrist has no idea what to do. My illness has cost me my friendships, my husband and my daughter. My mom is the only person I have in my life at the moment. Everyday I wish I could die. I've tried to kill myself 4 times, but I couldn't get it right. I would do it right now if I knew of a sure way that could not go wrong. I don't know what to do anymore. All I do is hurt and cry.

0 likes, 8 replies

8 Replies

  • Ravenwood
    Ravenwood joanna48405

    Posted

    Have you tried a new psychiatrist? Have you tried talk therapy? Have you tried the new therapy dealing with social and circadian rhythms?

    I found talk therapy to work really well. It helped me let go of a lot of my anxiety over having bipolar. The new therapy that deals with rhythms sounds cool, but no one near where I live does it. If you are interested, I will post some better information about it.

    • joanna48405
      joanna48405 Ravenwood

      Posted

      I have tried many different psychiatrists and I'm seeing two therapist atm. One for talk therapy and one of EMDR. So far, it isn't helping. But, thank you for your reply.
    • Ravenwood
      Ravenwood joanna48405

      Posted

      Wow, I'm sorry to hear that. If you don't mind sharing, what are your current problems? Maybe I might have a few other suggestions if I knew. Might not, too. I've had bipolar for 40 years, so maybe something I think of could help.A bouquet for you. Take care.
    • joanna48405
      joanna48405 Ravenwood

      Posted

      By problems, do you mean symptoms, or actual issues? Basically, I can't cope with the SEVERE depression that never seems to let up. This illness has cost me my marraige, my 15 year old daughter will have nothing to do with me, I've lost all of my friends, and a job I loved. I have to live with my mom bc I can't be alone for too long & struggle to take care of myself. I can't think straight anymore. I have a hard time meeting new people bc I'm so down & can barely make conversation. I can't find joy in anything. The emotional pain is excrutiating. I've tried about 50 different meds. The doc says I have treatment resistant depression. How can I find any hope with that diagnosis? I swear, if I could find a way to commit suicide  with 100% success gauranteed I would have done it already.

      But, thank you for the bouquet and kindness. It did touch my heartWhat are some of the ways you cope with the depression side of the illness?

    • Ravenwood
      Ravenwood joanna48405

      Posted

      This might be a weird one and may not be acceptable to your state, but have you tried marijuana? It made me manic when I tried it for pain relief, so it may pull you out of the depression. I have a friend who uses it for depression as well. She thinks it helps her out of her depressions. I'll look around and see what else there is out there.
  • Ravenwood
    Ravenwood joanna48405

    Posted

    I'm sorry. My last message went to moderation. I have no idea why. If it does not pop back up in a day, I'll re-write it. But, I checked out the scientific data and this popped up.

    Antidepressant-like effect of low dose ketamine and scopolamine co-treatment in mice.

    Petryshen TL, et al. Neurosci Lett. 2016.

    I'm not sure if your psychiatrist could try this or not. Or if insurance will pay. You might try contacting the author and seek if they could point you in the right direction.

  • wendy85295
    wendy85295 joanna48405

    Posted

    Hi Joanna, I am so sorry that you have lost so much through your illness  It is the pits I know.  When you get so depressed nothing seems worthwhile but there is always something to cling on to, to get you through another day.

    Easy to say, but can  you try thinking about the positives in your life?  One of these it sounds  like that your mum is there for you.  It only takes one positive to allay negatives because you can build on this with a positive mental attitude.  Surround yourself with people or a person you trust and who  understands you.

    Drugs, legal or illegal aren't the be all and end all for certain people and it sounds like you fall into that category.  They work for some.

    Do you have a faith?  Do  you pray?  May sound silly but I have found at the lowest points in my life that praying to God gives me a modicum of healing and makes me feel as though I am  not alone with my dilemmas.  God is there 24/7 and knows us inside out and is always listening.

    If I have overstepped the mark by saying the above I apologise.  I just know from my own experience of feeling suicidal and really wanting to be gone that when I've hit rock bottom pouring my heart out to God in prayer has helped.

    All good wishes to you, I hope I have helped in even a small way.

    Wendy

    xxxxxxx

    • joanna48405
      joanna48405 wendy85295

      Posted

      HI, Wendy. Thank you for your response. I feel like I've lost my faith. I've tried constantly to reach out to God,seek Him, pray to him, read the Bible, etc., but I don't get anything back from Him. It seems like I'm just talking to myself & it's a huge void. Then, I wonder how come He will give other people the feeling that He's communicatng with them, but can't do that for me when I so desperatly need it. It has made me very bitter to get the impression that He's such a sick B*st*rd to let me and others suffer like this. (Sorry for being blunt, I just want to convey where I'm at right now.) But, I haven't completely given up on prayer, so if you would please pray for me and my daughter Abby.  Thank you!
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