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Nowhere to turn to.. safe to do this alone??

Posted , 15 users are following.

Kentish
Kentish

I've been needing to reduce my alcohol consumption for years but it's now critical I take action. I know I'm drinking myself into an early grave and I can't bear the thought of leaving my kids young without a Mum. 

I'm 53 and have consumed alcohol EVERY evening for about 8yrs, a bottle of white wine sometimes nearer two, there is never a night off. I know I am self precribing to blank out unhappiness/ depression/ stress. I have suffered multiple extreme grief and loss and am stuck in an unsupportive & often hostile relationship. 

I persuaded myself to consult a GP but then got cold feet as I didn't want the world to know my business and i didnt want 'alcoholic' on my medical record in case it was looked at for job reasons.

So I purchased Selinco Nalmafene online and decided to give it a go. But then I panicked. What if I got ill taking it at home on my own, nobody would help me. I had a severe reaction to Dicflenic when in hospital after an Op. Extreme dizziness, confusion etc - what if I reacted badly to Nalmafene?

And what if I was highly dependant was it safe to cut down drastically? I'm less fearful on this scoring 13 on the high dependency self - check questionnaire. I never drink in the mornings and rarely at lunchtime. I have no shaking hands. 

Going round in circles. I did nothing!  The tablets have sat in the cupboard for more than 6 months. 

Today, I decided to explore the GP route being safest but to my dismay I found the NICE recommendations for my region via Google They categoricaly say that Nalmafene must not be prescribed by Primary Care. I would need to be referred to the nearest alcohol /drug unit !

I wil not go there. I know where it is and what people go there. Call it snobby, or cowardly, I know it's both. I can't go there. I don't want group support, I dont want to be alongside hard drug users and I dont want to lose the last ounce of dignity I have left. 

I am scared of the side effects of Nalmafene and want to try Naltrexone. But scared to try either without a liver check and proper medical support.

I'm scared to do this alone. 

I am desperate for 1:1 support and a way of using medicine to help me rid myself of this curse. 

Can anyone suggest how I can achieve this support maybe privately / on-line without having to be residential away from home without it costing a fortune ? 

I know I'm asking for an impossible magic wand sad 

Thank you so much for listening, 

With love, Kentish Lady x 

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179 Replies

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  • Kentish
    Kentish

    Posted

    Evening all x 

    Well I certainly need to change my forum title to "Definately Not Alone!" after the incredible support from my 'forum friends' .. Also the immesurable support and professional input fom PaulJTurner and JoannaC3Europe, thank you. 

    So, by way of update I cancelled my NHS GP appoinment .. sad plan was last Monday to 'confess all and beg for Naltrexone' I knew it was on 'green' for GPs in my area so surely it would be an easy passport to my cure.. ? 

    Then Sunday at 0300hrs I woke in a panic .. in my 'box of doom' as I call it, of home admin to deal with, was our family PMI costing us far too much money that we can't afford and left for me to 'deal with' to switch insurers, many months ago.

    If I consulted my GP in the morning, that would put AUD on my record and spoil any chance of a lower PMI premium or possibly any PMI at all for me. Having nursed both of my young parents through terminal cancer, aunts, grandparents, young cousin.. I've seen the NHS at his best but having some private back-up for early detection is quite central to me now. 

    And there's always been the issue of confidentiality for me.. my village GP practice everyone knows everyone including the GP receptionists ! Do I really want my AUD discussed between mums in the school playground? And what if I want to change jobs and my new employer asks for a PMA report, AUD will surely be an interview killer? 

    So if anyone believes in those good / bad angels that wake you in the night to tell you something important, I think they did. But gutted to cancel my appointment and knowing back to the drawing board ... !!! 

    What happened next to follow ... !! 

     

  • Kentish
    Kentish

    Posted

    Polishing off bottle of wine no2 this evening while hubby & children fast asleep in bed.. reflecting on the fact that tomorrow I may (will?) be leaving by best friend for good. Only those here will know the worry of that departure, seperation.

    So my little pill arrives tomorrow and yes I'm excited and massively relieved. But I had my farewell party with my bff last night, a bottle and half but then my pill wasnt ready today so we had to have another last supper tonight, me and my bff... 

     

    • Robin2015
      Robin2015 Kentish

      Posted

      I will make it short: do not give up and whatever happens we are here to support you and will not misjudge you. I still do think that you will improve and wait for more news....Robin
  • Nat666
    Nat666 Kentish

    Posted

    Morning Kentish..Well today is the day when you start your little pills, the beginning of your new journey through AUD. It has taken a lot of soul searching for you but I.m sure you have made the right choice if how to attack this beast !

    We are all here to support you and hear your continuing story which is now about to have a new theme ...You won't regret this. Please keep us updated how it goes ..Thinking of you x

  • Kentish
    Kentish

    Posted

    So my news is good smile With Naltrexone on the NHS list as "Green" in my area, I knew that a GP could prescribe it to me if they chose to. Not wanting a consultation showing up on my medical record I set about finding a private GP. Google showed me that my local private hospital had recently set up a private GP consultation service. 

    So a liver function test, checking all my info after a full med screening I had last year, and a 45 mins consultation later (cost £95).. I now have a prescription for Naltrexone for 1 month. 

    The GP was incredibly supportive, he was aware of Dr Sinclair's work, not an expert in the field but interested and curious to see if this worked. He has one other (NHS) patient on Naltrexone and 'dry' for 6 months. 

    I collect my pills today and plan to start tomorrow afternoon. Have a late school pick up and work meeting tonight so need to be focussed. I can't afford to feel any side effects. Tomorrow is a great day to start, early school pick up so will be safely parked up and home by 4pm. 

    I'm hoping and praying that Naltrexone will be my new friend, a nicer friend who protects me rather than allowing me to destroy my body and my wonderful life. 

    I'll check back in here tomorrow to let you know how the pill made me feel Day 1 for anyone that's interested...

    Kentish Lady x 

     

    • gwen45436
      gwen45436 Kentish

      Posted

      Glad you have got them - onward and upward now.  They sure sound like they will do the trick. 

      Now you are on countdown - yaay smile

    • JulieAnne101
      JulieAnne101 Kentish

      Posted

      Well done Kentish Lady. Me and my old man are very interested in your journey with Naltrexone as he wants to do TSM when his mind and body have fully recovered.

      Hope all goes well for you, we wish you the very bestest xx keep us informed 😊 Goodness, we are a nosy lot aren't we? lol xx

    • Misssy2
      Misssy2 Kentish

      Posted

      How did it go Kentish?

      By the way good job on being presistent to get the medication and finding a way to do it (thru private hospital).

       

  • Kentish
    Kentish

    Posted

    "The deed is done.. the journey's begone" .. ! 25.01.17 17:30 Hrs .... 

    Taken my first dose of Naltrexone 25mg today, same tomorrow then 50mg thereafter. I am terified I'll get an allergic reaction as I did with Dicoflenic. But at home tonight so in a safe place.. 

    Interested to see how my first drink tastes in an hour's time.. 

    Had a whole bottle last night and two the night before.. 

    Will try hard to think about the Mindful Drinking I've been advised. 

    • gwen45436
      gwen45436 Kentish

      Posted

      OMG hun - understanding this - scary but exciting - I have reactions to certain things - I think the only reaction I would be worried about is lips swelling as in analphyl shock (abbreviated)  but that does not seem the case with this tab - over thinking will not help - chill and well done u smile x

    • JulieAnne101
      JulieAnne101 Kentish

      Posted

      We are with you, brave girl. Very big step in the right direction you are taking there. Keep us posted xx
    • Nat666
      Nat666 Kentish

      Posted

      Well done Kentish...your journey is underway...Be proud of yourself that you have taken this huge step. ...Don't look back now just look forward ! .Best of luck girlie 👍👍xx

    • Kentish
      Kentish gwen45436

      Posted

      Ok Gwen thank you x Lips not swelling phew. Okay trying not to overthink.. so keeping busy smile 

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