Obsessive/Intrusive thoughts....please help
Posted , 3 users are following.
So I struggle a lot with OCD, mostly obsessive thoughts. Almost 3 years ago, my husband and I had just started dating. I had a class with a guy that reminded me a lot of my emotionally abusive ex. My husband (boyfriend at the time) and I had gotten into a fight the night I was supposed to meet up with this guy and a few others for a study group. I feel like I thought about cheating out of anger because I was so upset. I even wanted to problem dump on this guy about my boyfriend and I's fight but I knew that was wrong so I did not. I didn't even go sit down with this guy until somebody else was there.
After the study group was over, the guy walked me to my car and I went home. That's all that happened. Now I find myself almost 3 years later obsessing over if I wanted something to happen between that guy and I even though I had a boyfriend.
My husband has discussed this MANY times and I even admitted to not knowing what I would do if he had tried to kiss me or if I thought about cheating out of anger. My husband is so patient with my OCD and he tells me he has forgiven me. He says "have you kissed anyone, been intimate with anyone, or expressed to anyone else that you wanted to be with them?" Of course my answer is always no because none of that ever happened. His response is always that he does not care, if none of that happened, then I did not cheat. But then my obsessive thoughts go "well what IF you wanted to that night?" and then I completely convince myself that I wanted to cheat and that that's just as bad as actually cheating. I have even mentioned to him "What if I was acting a certain way because I wanted something to happen?" His response: "Who cares". My brain continues to spiral and goes "well what if he is saying who cares because he does not think I wanted something to happen or because he really does not care." My husband is brutally honest and he has told me to just move on and let go of this part of our past 3 years ago but I continuously ruminate over it because I know cheating is the one thing that would cause us to not be together. We recently just moved across country and got our own house so I think my head is going crazy about things trying to ruin this happy moment in our lives (this also happened when we got married).
1 like, 2 replies
jan34534 chey51702
Posted
DONT let things from the past ruin your happiness today. It’s over! It doesn’t matter anymore. It doesn’t exist anymore.
You’re obsessing over it is just going to ruin things in your marriage and you will be miserable. You are happy now! That’s the important thing.
People have all kinds of weird thoughts about themselves but it means absolutely nothing.
Life is too short to be doing this!
DO YOU still want something to happen with this guy? If not, drop it and move on. You were a different person then. You are happy now with your husband. People change. What can you do about it anyway?
smokeyjoe7 chey51702
Posted
What i try to do is remind myself that all of these thoughts are causing me so much guilt and shame, that clearly reflects we love our partners and wouldn't want to cheat on them or hurt them in anyway and that helps out sometimes when i feel like i am losing my mind at points. Ocd is a horrible thing to have but i also try curve my intrusive thoughts by also reminding myself that i have this obsessive disorder and it is not my fault or wrong-doing for having these thoughts. I honestly know how hard it is to let go of things we obsess over i can rationalise something and a second later i will be lost in my own head about it all over again. Just know that i am seeing better days and you will too. The thoughts will get smaller and easier to cope with and i highly recommend talking to a doctor/ starting medication which both of these things basically saved my life over the past 7 months. I really hope you're holding up okay and just drop me a message privately if you need to, i am always ears for you if you need them : )