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Hi, I’m not sure if this is the right place to talk about this but I’m getting desperate for any advice or just someone who understands what I’m talking about because no one seems to. Basically, I’m very very obsessed with how I look. I know that sounds really vain, but it’s not like that, I don’t wanna be perfect or look perfect, I just wanna feel comfortable with myself? If that makes any sense? I have this big insecurity particularly with my jaw and chin, as I believe its severely weak, but others say they don’t see it that way. Recently I got work done on it, I had chin and jawline filler and it’s something I’ve wanted since I was 16 years old (I’m 18 now) so you can imagine how relieved I felt knowing this feeling was gonna be fixed. its been a few days now and i feel like its made me obsess over it more, I see absolutely LITTLE difference sometimes then other times I’ll see a nice shape but I keep seeing it as “it’s disappeared and gone back to its old shape” (I’ve only had it since Friday.) but it constantly changes, while others say they see a great change although I “didn’t need it”. Now I’m obsessing with how I’m gonna keep up with the filler, and it’s driving me crazy. A similar thing happens with my body, for example I have a jacket that Used to fit me nicely but it’s too big on me now which made me feel great but when I look in the mirror I see completely overweight. I walk around with a fake clip in fringe every single day because I’m concerned with how big my forehead is, I draw a fake hairline on with eyeshadow whenever I don’t wear the fringe (which is really rare) I know others may do this as it’s a common insecurity for some, but I will not leave the house unless I 1) have either a fake fringe to cover my head or colour in my hairline 2) heavily contour my jawline (and then I’m never satisfied and constantly trying to hide it while I’m out). I never realised how bad it was until I got my jaw done, I’m still not satisfied. I didn’t get too much filler as I went with what was recommended to me, and honestly I’m not the richest person in the world, I literally saved up everything I have in order to pay for this when others usually have it as a “treat”, I had it done because I just wanted to feel comfortable with myself. I’ve tried accepting myself for years, and it’s just not working. I go to college 4 days a week and there’s days where I have to leave early because I can’t handle sitting there knowing people can see me and how I look, I cant seem to relax without looking at myself and making sure it’s not gone or my forehead isn’t “exposed” . There’s a lot more I could explain but I don’t wanna make this too long lol I’m so sorry for the lengthy post, but does anyone have any experience with this type of stuff? should i talk to my gp? I’m terrified of my own mind cause I feel like it’s playing mind tricks on me, but im also scared to talk to someone just incase they also think im being vain and stupid. Its truly making me miserable.
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