OCD/ Anxiety over potential that children may die

Posted , 5 users are following.

Hi. 

I am at the end of my rope and am not sure where else to turn. 

I am experiencing extreme anxiety over the idea that my children (more particularly my oldest) will get sick and die. Not the flu - mostly, cancer related. Its as though I have a fear that my "intuition" that she is sick is true and we just don't know it yet. It creates havoc in my daily life as every time she mentions a pain, I spiral into what's wrong. She is seven. So if she says she has a headache- it's 100% a brain tumour. If she's itchy- there is NO way that it's not leukaemia. Right now she has a little black spex floating around in her field of vision and I've made an appointment to be assessed because of course I googled it and read that "floaters" are rare in children. She can't be seen for over a week and the receptionist says it doesn't sound serious but I stayed up late night until 2 am picturing going, the dr telling us something is wrong, having to go for an mri, getting diagnosed with a terminal disease, her dying, her funeral, how we'd survive, how guilty and grief stricken we would be, how I would have failed her, how she wouldn't understand why his happened... etc. It gets out of hand quickly and feels VERY real. Even after seeing the eye dr, I'll still feel like they missed something.  My husband doesn t want to hear it anymore.  The thoughts are repeating over and over and feel like the threat is imminent. 

I have tried meds, councilling and last summer I did eight sessions of bilateral ECT. 

It's robbing my life of fun and I find myself pulling away from her so that I don't have to deal with it or feel this much concern/ love for her which is unfair to her. She's also getting my anxiety which is terrible. 

I know that just because it's possible doesn't mean it probable but it happens to others - we're not special. She's a bright kid and you always read how it's the special souls who die young. 

I'm sorry for rambling. I'm just in a terrible state. 

Please, do others have these feelings? I ask my mother if she felt like this and she said no- she just went about life and would deal with tragedy if it ever came up. I can't stand the lack of knowing and control. 

Any advice or comfort or suggestions would be great. 

Thank you. 

Ps - I don't mean to sound selfish or insensitive regarding families who are actually facing cancer. My intent is not to offend. 

1 like, 11 replies

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11 Replies

  • Posted

    Rebecca

    It sounds like you are well on the way to Munhausens  by Proxy where you are dwelling over your childs health. My concern would be that you begin to try and pass down your Anxiety to your child and that may open up to wanting extensive tests on your child by visiting hospitals A and E.

    I would strongly advise you discuss this with your GP and explain your fears, you need help and support to stop this possible harmful situation

    SEE YOUR GP

    BOB

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  • Posted

    Hi Rebecca I really feel for you. I to am going through this more myself I worry of dying and convince myself that I'm dying and worry about leaving the children. When my children get ill I do the same but I really try to play it down like she will say I am tired and have a head ache so I say you will be fine just have a sleep but really I'm crying inside and googling brain tumour symptoms. My daughter has picked up on it who us 8 my partner is also sick of hearing about it as it's so depressing. We recently went out and had to come home because my nerves were so bad he shouted why are you like this all the time. I lost my temper and shouted "because I am constantly felling like something bad is about to happen" in front of the children. Two days later my daughter had a stage of not sleeping in the night repeating what I said something bad is about to happen, she doesn't want to leave me being sick with worry. I spoke to my doctor today she said no matter how hard you try to hide it, children will always pick up on it. She said I have to do this for my children now so they don't end up the same. Please remember this your child is not the sick one in this you are. You need to get help do you take anti depressants ? If so I strongly recommend. You have to remember these thoughts you are having is only a thought I no it's easier said than done but you need to shut them of rather than letting them spiral out of control it is not fair on your child she will pick up on this and think there is something wrong if you keep sending her for tests. I think deep down you no there is nothing wrong but you keep needing the reassurance. A doctor gave me a book to read called the chimp paradox I think you should read this it's about the chimp inside your head that is telling you all the things you don't want to hear and how to turn it of. Put everything in to perspective and the possibility of this happening is low. Children are poorly all the time give her a cuddle and tell your self everything will be ok. You have to retrain your brain. Stay strong it's hard I no. Hope this has helped and give you a little bit of comfort xx

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    • Posted

      I really appreciate you taking the time to tell me your story- I completely understand. I try not to make a big deal either when I am panicking inside just like you. But I'm sure she notices. She also sees I'm sad a lot and tries to compensate by making me tea or telling me how much she loves me... I wish us both the very best of luck and peace. 

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  • Posted

    a reply from single perant father??my son died at 6months old i woke and found him dead but earlier imn night he was crying so i put his dummy in and went back to sleep???the terror i felt on two of my other kids was pure hell a sneeze a cough not crying not eating all brought that terror to the open . we are now 32years on its still with me   prob never go away but myself haveing three near death problems have learnt life is a strange old thing  and my advice  feel sad feel scared feel insecure but most off all do not fear you are a prob you just need to find that safe haven inside were the worry wont rule youer life and thoughts their are peaple and places you can go and chat to ease worrys
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    • Posted

      My goodness- thank you for sharing. I can't imagine how your experience must have felt. Thank you for sharing. 

      I think you are right. My fear comes from my lack of control over everything. I have to work on that. Thank you. 

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  • Posted

    I think as parents we all worry about our children, their health and their futures.  I don't think that you will be on your own with your issues but it definitely seems as though it is now becoming a problem and that your children are being affected by this.  You need to keep on with treatment to help with coping strategies.  I would recommend that you go back to see your GP and tell them your fears.  I would also sit your child down and explain that mummy has anxiety and that sometimes when she thinks you are sad you are just not feeling very well.  This hopefully will keep her fears at bay a little more.  For your own sake and your children's you must carry on with treatment and get this under control. 

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    • Posted

      It is important that you do not push your stress and anxiety down from your health fears down onto your children, heads. To do that will expose them to a possible mental illness either related to yours   This problem you have is irrational in so many ways and possibly you could pass down your health concerns to them. You will not be thanked in fact a resentment in their future may be brought to the surface.

      I am not trying to be unreasonable, or not understanding of Anxiety, I am being realistic.

      You can set your child in later life to consider having medical tests as normal, they can become set down a pathway that will make them so unhappy and confused, that all severe illnesses are normal, they then become hooked on a pathway not of their choosing

      BOB

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    • Posted

      Yes I try to let her see that we all have "bad" days but we get over it. I dot want to paint an unrealistic expectation that mom is alright all the time. I tell her I'm a person too and we all had sad times. It's how we get back up that matters smile

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