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I am at the end of my rope and am not sure where else to turn.
I am experiencing extreme anxiety over the idea that my children (more particularly my oldest) will get sick and die. Not the flu - mostly, cancer related. Its as though I have a fear that my "intuition" that she is sick is true and we just don't know it yet. It creates havoc in my daily life as every time she mentions a pain, I spiral into what's wrong. She is seven. So if she says she has a headache- it's 100% a brain tumour. If she's itchy- there is NO way that it's not leukaemia. Right now she has a little black spex floating around in her field of vision and I've made an appointment to be assessed because of course I googled it and read that "floaters" are rare in children. She can't be seen for over a week and the receptionist says it doesn't sound serious but I stayed up late night until 2 am picturing going, the dr telling us something is wrong, having to go for an mri, getting diagnosed with a terminal disease, her dying, her funeral, how we'd survive, how guilty and grief stricken we would be, how I would have failed her, how she wouldn't understand why his happened... etc. It gets out of hand quickly and feels VERY real. Even after seeing the eye dr, I'll still feel like they missed something. My husband doesn t want to hear it anymore. The thoughts are repeating over and over and feel like the threat is imminent.
I have tried meds, councilling and last summer I did eight sessions of bilateral ECT.
It's robbing my life of fun and I find myself pulling away from her so that I don't have to deal with it or feel this much concern/ love for her which is unfair to her. She's also getting my anxiety which is terrible.
I know that just because it's possible doesn't mean it probable but it happens to others - we're not special. She's a bright kid and you always read how it's the special souls who die young.
I'm sorry for rambling. I'm just in a terrible state.
Please, do others have these feelings? I ask my mother if she felt like this and she said no- she just went about life and would deal with tragedy if it ever came up. I can't stand the lack of knowing and control.
Any advice or comfort or suggestions would be great.
Ps - I don't mean to sound selfish or insensitive regarding families who are actually facing cancer. My intent is not to offend.
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