OCD or going crazy
Posted , 4 users are following.
Okay so in September I started getting no very bad anxiety and panic attacks, because my boyfriend at the time would go days without talking to me, and I would just get anxious and thing everything in the world was wrong and kind of just made my self a very stressed out person. In May I went to my doctor and told her I was having weird panic attacks and a lot of anxiety so she put me on lexapro when I went on lexapro after 4 days of being on it I had a suicidal thought I freaked out, and stopped taking the medicine after 6 days .. The next week I was a walking mess .. I cried everyday I couldn't concentrate I didn't feel like myself nothing. Than once the meds were out of my system I felt like my self again. Well after that whole week of feeling normal ...someone was talking about suicide and it triggered everything times ten I literally would leave work come home sleep cause I didn't want my intrusive thoughts to keep coming back ... Because than I started hearing in my head just kill yourself. Even tho I have a great life and great family. after I started getting visions seeing myself harming random people that we were driving by and I flipped out again my counselor told me that was harm OCD. Wel than I started on klonopin and I started to feel way better .but I was still having urges to kill myself but I kinda just waited for them to go away and I was starting to go out more and I was hanging out with my friends more. I stopped looking things up ... Wel now since yesterday over and over and over and over I keep hearing killing yourself over and over and it won't stop and it's scaring me. What does this sound like. I only hear it in my head i don't hear it like a whisper or outside of my head at all? I'm afraid I'm going to either go crazy or that I'm starting to develop syzophrenia ..
0 likes, 18 replies
ben11858 jaclyn_60106
Posted
I would try to calm down and get rid of your boyfriend if he's making you feel bad. Start going out more even if you don't feel like it just go and you'll start feeling better
jaclyn_60106 ben11858
Posted
I got rid of him awhile ago but it started the depressingness was when I was with him. But over and over and over I keep hearing kill yourself in my head. Everything's just in my head tho not outside of my head
ben11858 jaclyn_60106
Posted
I've had some similar thoughts which which can be scary. My uncle has got schizophrenia and it doesn't sound like you have this. I think it could be from feeling down as I get thoughts like that whenever I'm down. Try to do something to take your mind off that whenever you hear it. I hope you start feeling better
jaclyn_60106 ben11858
Posted
Whatever this medicine did to me has changed me. It seems that weekends and during part of the week I feel normal. Once I go to my counselor and tell her I'm feeling better it gets worse. I'm petrified of going crazy I just want to be back to me lol. It's driving me insane. I sure as hell do not want to die. I love my life and family. I was getting urges to do it. But now it's kinda just like a bully in my head over and over again
ben11858 jaclyn_60106
Posted
I feel the exact same way at time. I've tried changing my diet I've cut out coffee didn't realise the affects it has on you. And started drinking water which has helped. A healthy diet and a bit of exercise could help.
jaclyn_60106 ben11858
Posted
I don't drink coffee or caffeine anymore. But I don't exercise either
ben11858 jaclyn_60106
Posted
cia42277 jaclyn_60106
Posted
Ben is on the right track. For me the physical part of feeling better and getting my focus off the lying thoughts (we all get them) is tai chi, yoga or dancing. A nice choice is joining a class (maybe at the ywca)or follow a group on tv or internet. Sometimes i dance all aroud the house to favorite music blasting. I feel better and can't hear my lying mind tell me I have bone cancer or I'm going to die soon, or I'm going to have a stroke. A few days ago I had occasion to have my heart monitered. When the nurse looked at the monitor she said "wow! what a heart!" with a huge smile on her face. Two days later my mind started telling me the monitor was wrong and I was going to have a heart attack. First thing I do when the voice shows up is say, Oh no you don't you are not real:you are only a thought, so get lost (or shut up). Then I change my focus off the voice by doing one of the things I mentioned, or any other thing that works to shift my focus.
You are not alone. We've all been where you are to some degree, and many of us still are, dealing with it a day at a time. As to food and drink, google foods that help anxiety. If you are still not sure what sets it off, google foods that make anxiety worse. What a change in me the change in diet made. Good luck Jaclyn, and keep listening to Ben. sounds like he has a handle of this.
ben11858 cia42277
Posted
Thank you cia it really does help the exercise I'm not saying it goes straight away but it can help especially at times when your feeling really down
cia42277 ben11858
Posted
todd77 jaclyn_60106
Posted
Hey Jaclyn, this is a very common symptom of OCD. My cousin, some friends, and I have it, and i've had the same spinning thought in my head too. These types of images/thoughts only become obsessive when you apply too much importance to them. So, wondering 'why i'm thinking this' and spending time trying to figure out what's wrong actually make the thoughts more obsessive, and more repetitive. I know it may feel a little out of your control, which is why OCD is a real thing, but it's highly manageable if you just realize that it's your brain acting up on what you percieve as a threat. Everytime you hear it, just say 'okay, that's my OCD acting up on things that are important to me - like my life, my friends, etc.' OCD is a type of anxiety and that means it percieves threats that aren't real!
It's not a threat, and yes it's annoying, and I know exactly what that feels like. It took me a while to realize that it's a symptom of OCD, and the type of 'harm' thoughts that come up only do so because they symbolize things you would never do to yourself or other people. People who are actually harmful or suicidal don't have these obsessive thoughts. You're probably very sensitive to hurting yourself or other people so that tends to make the thought of doing so quite repetitive and alarming. That is a sign that you're a good person
It's gotten a lot better for me once I realized how OCD works and how many people experience exactly what you've explained. Many people don't talk about it because it may come off as crazy haha. But, you're not crazy. Thoughts don't mean anything! haha
Hope that helps!
jaclyn_60106 todd77
Posted
It does help thank you, but there's still other things that just scare me. Like I read that a huge thing of syzophrenia is Ibs .. And I know that's TMI, but I have IBS.. Also before any of this happened when I was outside I was paranoid something scary or something was watching me or just gonna pop up.. I never seen anything tho I just always felt like something was there even tho I knew there wasn't, but I also lost my mom when I was young and also I am a horrible hypochondriac I read a post online about HIV and went and got tested for HIV Like with the suicidal thing or going crazy there's no test to say you won't go crazy so I think that's why it's not going away if you get what I'm saying But there's days I feel completely normal and don't look anything up on the Internet at all but than there's days where I just feel like I can't control what's going on and I don't want to be stuck like this for the rest of my life. Like I never hear anything outside of my head ... But that kill yourself like a broken record in my head was scaring me everything is scaring me I fee like I have no control and I just want to be myself again and get through this I don't want it to take over my life and I'm scared I'm gonna go crazy or something and I don't want to. Is this normal with OCD anxiety ? Or do you think it could be something bigger?
todd77 jaclyn_60106
Posted
Yes, this all sounds familiar and it's common to overthink it and believe you'll have schizophrenia haha. Nothing you're saying sounds abnormal to me, just symptoms of anxiety. It's really tough, but there are a lot of things you can do to help yourself. Look up Mindfulness OCD. Mindfulness is one of the most effective form of managing OCD. Look at this as an opportunity to grow. Most people don't and feel sorry for themselves. I've worked with a mindfulness therapist for the last year and it's helped a lot. Cheers!
cia42277 jaclyn_60106
Posted
jaclyn, you are getting some good advise here. Todd touched on an important point. Taking advise and acting on it. I was a counselor for over 40 years. There were two catagories of client, those who acted on info. and those who didn't. We called those who didn't "yeah, buts." The yeah buts kept coming back and no matter what the advise or how good it was, they would say, Yeah, but....and go over the same thing in different words.
We told all the new clients this on their first visit, and that only they could decide if they were really wanting a change and were willing to take action, even if it was one baby step at a time. Now it is time for Jaclyn to make a very important decision about her own future. That decision is, do I want to change my life enough to take a deep breath and jump...into action. Remember, this is your decision, no one else's.
When I was battling a tough disease years ago. I still remember the exact moment I decided to act. They had given me a death date!!! That got me. I said to the two doctors standing at the bottom of my bed, "Do you believe in miracles?" One of them answered, "I think I do." I replied, "I am going to be one of them." and I got busy. Here I am many years after my good-bye to Cia date.
Is it going to be, "yeah, but", or "I will be a miracle, too?" Go back over all the posts a few times and see what you can do as a first step. The others will follow, honey. And we will be here to encourage, help and advise you every step of the way.
jaclyn_60106 cia42277
Posted
So it's gotten worse. So now I'm not thinking of taking my life anymore, but I'm having thoughts and very very bad urges to hurt someone else and their so bad I feel like I want to act on them, and someone told me this is prob psychosis and I'm scared I don't want to act on them but I feel like I do at the same time. I'm going crazy and I just want it to end and idk why this is all happening. But slowly it's getting worse and worse everyday. Like the thoughts of killing someone aren't good thoughts to me. But I'm having the urge to do it so bad and I don't know what is happening. I'm lost, and I feel screwed
cia42277 jaclyn_60106
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I said all that to say this...if you smoke, stop. I read here of a few people with anxiety that pot affected that way, so I googled things that make anxiety worse, and there it was, along with sugar, caffeine, soda, fast food, fried food, etc. You might want to check the food list that helps and the food list that makes anxiety worse.
jaclyn_60106 cia42277
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I don't smoke pot. I haven't really been eating and I don't touch caffeine
cia42277 jaclyn_60106
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Before I venture an opinion, I have to ask if you have talked to your counselor since it got this bad? If so, what did they say, and if not why not? Looking forward to your answer.
DON'T DO ANYTHING RASH!!!! Remember the basic truth,,,,this is all anxiety, your adrenaline is raging so wild it has convinced you that it is you. No NO NO It is the anxiety, a nasty enemy that can be overcome.