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OCD over vanity,I want to end my life

Posted , 4 users are following.

Guygemini
Guygemini

Hello my name's not important,but I'm a guy who suffers minor scars on his face from previous things and I also have obsessive compulsive disorder.I constantly obsess over my scars I look in the mirror for hours at a time and this has been going on for awhile.I don't want to feel lonely but I hide myself from the world and I've been a burden on my family for someone who's 23.My brother is not mentally I'll as well because of mental trauma,but I'm trying everything I can to get through this obsession of insecurities out of my head,but I can't. I been hospitalized so many times I can't count,I just want to know a safe way to die I'm never going to get out of this and I'm never going to be of use to my brother and I'm always going to be lonely,never realizing my dream of marriage.I just want to know a safe way of killing myself I can no longer stand to see my own reflection.

2 likes, 4 replies

4 Replies

  • jay_babes
    jay_babes Guygemini

    Posted

    Hi i am sorry to say you should never say that your name is not important, it is because you are important, you say you want to die no one one this forum will ever let you do anything like that, you are deeply depressed and need lots of help and there is plenty for you, lots of people on this forum have terrible problems , lots of illnesses feel like life is not worth it but after coming on here feel so much better, i myself have lots of problems so many its unimaginable but it is amazing the help i am getting now and my life has turned around, i also have ocd, and one of illnesses is bdd, which is body dymorphia disease, and it sounds like you have something similar , it means no matter what you look like when you look in the mirror all you see back is an ugly person, weather its fat, thin, scars, ears too big, nose too long, feet ugly, arms flabby, legs short eyes wrong colour, sounds silly but its is not it is very serious and you can get help, a lot is in the mind and a lot can be turn from a negative to positive, and you can get help for your scars too ,i did , please stay with us and samaritans are great to talk to too ,you are not alone, talk to us too x
    • Guygemini
      Guygemini jay_babes

      Posted

      Haunted by my own reflection, obsessed on each imperfection..

      I have feet,but I can move in the right direction

      I'm stuck in another dimension

      My thoughts racing past the flow of time wasted on things that are left behind

      I've tried everything there is to be free

      But these shackles of mine are already killing me

      This is torture that's why I wish my own demise and to drain the sorrow from these cursed eyes

  • AlexandriaGizmo
    AlexandriaGizmo Guygemini

    Posted

    Hi their are word's on this forum that if we add them to the post it will be moderated so obviously I cannot use the S word but I truly hope that you can get help to stop you taking such an extreme solution.

    Firstly, you say you have scars on your face, can I ask how they were caused.

    You also say that your dreams of marriage etc cannot be forfilled because of them, looks are far less important than you imagine when it comes to physical attraction, my partner was a hunky six foot when I met him (he still is even though older) and I'm anything but beautiful, as my mother always said handsome is as handsome does.

    When we look in a mirror we honestly don't see what others see, our reflection is distorted by our own perception that the mind can distort.

    We cannot all be stunningly beautiful or handsome, their has to be those that are average looking, their is also room in life for those that have facial disfigurements, look at someone like Niki Lauda, he was badly burnt and didn't let it stop him marrying happily and why should it, it's just skin.

    Look around at people, not just at yourself, ask for help, your Dr can refer you to see a dermatologist or a skin specialist to help with whatever reason you have a problem with your face, also makeup is absolutely amazing now.

    Forget about other people for a while, put number one first, just until you have come to terms with your own identity.

    As for the thoughts of S no one and I mean no one on this site will tell you ways to achieve it, here even people really struggling will hopefully now tell you that we celebrate life, in time you will also find away to do this.

    You take care to remember life is short and before you know it you are old so make the most of it

    Hugs and blessings to you

  • hypercat
    hypercat Guygemini

    Posted

    Hi there is no safe or painless way to die I'm afraid.  At 23 you can't yet have tried everything to choose life over death as you physically haven't had enough time. Unless you can see into the future you don't know what it holds and by checking out early you could miss some amazing times.

    Now I had very severe acne as a teenager and despite 2 dermabrasions still have deep pits and scars on my face. I have suffered from 'ugly' taunts from men a few times but you know what I don't care.  It does hurt at the time but I have now learnt to deal with it.  If I can then so can you.

    The other thing to realise is that when you look at yourself in the mirror you see your face only in repose and not in movement,  Try smiling at yourself instead and see what a huge difference it makes.  When you look at others you see them  happy and animated so if you do the same you will look a lot better.  

    I faced a similar choice to you of living or dying and chose the former obviously.  I am 80% glad I did.  I never saw a future for myself but through counselling and life generally I learnt how to make friends and get alone in life.  You will too if you give yourself the chance.

    Like I said I chose to live and not die and determined to try everything first as I had nothing to lose -  nor do you.  If it didn't work then ok I had my comfort blanket but I owed myself the chance to have a life now.  I am a lot older than you and am giving you the benefit of my hindsight so I hope you make use of it.  x

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