Off my chest..ex mil.
Posted , 6 users are following.
Hello Everyone
I am a sufferer of PTSD and finally managed to pluck up the courage to speak to my Doctor about it today, but left feeling deflated, I turned to him for help only to feel fobbed off!
I know this may sound harsh but it really took a lot out of me to admit my issues in front of another person, but Ive been suffering with all the classic symptoms for a while now
I am ex military and then went on to work as a private security contractor in places like afghan Iraq Libya and more , When things got tough I coped, when we lost guys I managed, pushing things to the back of my mind and I made fun of some god awful situations (typical army way of dealing with things having a dark sense of humour ) Ive lost friends and colleagues over the years and been in some horrible situations very recently I lost a good friend in afghan and as a result of this It has brought everything Ive done and seen before to the front of my mind and it has me on edge, I blame myself i cant sleep and have no interest in anyone or anything, I'm a grown ass man and yet feel as if i want to cry all the time, I don't want to talk about the things I've done and seen with a complete stranger i.e therapy or a doctor etc but cant keep things inside my head any longer, its only a matter of time before I take a swan dive from something high, I don't want to appear to be weak nor do I want sympathy or a pat on the back, I guess I just wanted to blurt it out to see if it feels better to get it off my chest?
Thank you for listening .
0 likes, 8 replies
XiaoDarlin steve34106
Posted
Hi Steve34106,
Saw your post and couldn't help but reply, I hope thats ok!?
I'm not ex mil (my PTSD from repeated trauma / abuse) but I've been fobbed off more times than I can count and I'm so sorry you've had to have that experience too with your doctor. It's not fair you to have to go through it at all, let alone with someone who doesn't understand.
I don't know where in the world you are (I'm in the UK) but I found that I got the most understanding from the trauma charities I came across. Some I did eventually get through my doctor (or IAPT service if that's relevant to where you are) but a lot are also self referral. There are charities around specifically for ex mil and service workers and many offer free therapy / support (even if there are waiting lists they're usually pretty good about helping you find a support network / putting you on to other services until it comes through).
Sadly a lot of doctors don't specialise in mental health and so go straight out of a text book (if they bothered reading that text book in the first place) but talking to someone trained in trauma / PTSD etc is still difficult because its always hard to talk about but they'll hear you 100%.
I was told by doctors that I couldn't have PTSD for years, then I had an assessment with a trauma charity and they said it was a slam dunk diagnosis and they were amazed that the doctors had fobbed me off (though it seems to happen a lot).
Sometimes it's hard to find the right people to talk to but when you do it's like the weight of the world's been lifted off your shoulders.
Anyway, I hope this helps. Try and keep your chin up as best you can and vent as much as you need to.
I'll keep you in my thoughts.
Xiao
steve34106 XiaoDarlin
Posted
Thank you very much for your reply and words or encouragement , i will keep plodding on and try to be positive from day to day, for me its a double edge sword, I like calm and quiet a little time to think, but with it comes the demons that i cant get away from!
noise and volume makes me anxious bad tempered so i try hard to avoid, but quiet and calm makes me think about all the what ifs?....
dammed if you do, dammed if you don't.....is not a good place to be.
kerry66759 steve34106
Posted
hi
I've experienced exactly what you are going through. in fact it took me 30 years to report it plus lots of other bad stuff after that
you need to try and find someone who gets you. who yoi really trust else you will never open up.
my advice regarding emotional distress PTSD is to not take any medication at all. Gps prescribe prescriptions willy nilly without really listening to you first.
they see your upset and struggling so write you out a green piece of paper. silly really.
any advice
msg me
steve34106 kerry66759
Posted
thanks for the reply, greatly appreciate everyones help and advice .
I don't want medication, if I can avoid it all the better , but how does talking help to resolve things like this? I cant get my head around it?
I was always told be a man and just suck it up and crack on, which is how Ive lived most if my adult life, but as I get older I find I'm over thinking things and this on top of how I feel makes things 10 times worse.
Most people do not understand and look at you like you have 3 heads and walk backwards!
its very hard to find some one to trust enough to be able to open up. I think thats a big thing with ptsd,who to let in etc .
stephen92626 steve34106
Posted
Hiya Steve, I myself have symptoms of PTSD, but haven't been diagnosed by a Doctor, and I've been talking about my issues to different Doctors and psychologists but they've All listened to me talking about my st, trauma but then all told me that only a psychiatrist can diagnose me as having PTSD, It stems from a abused childhood, I have a 32 Yr old son who done 2 tours in Afghanistan and he seen some horrific st going on, he got out the army " duke of Lancaster's", seen a psychiatrist within couple of months hot diagnosed with PTSD, now he gets all the help he needs, I don't know how it works for ex soldiers, he come home at first and he used to lose his mind, wanting to kill people, got arrested few times,and military helped him out, just saying I dunno how t works, I was physically, sexually, mentally abused from baby to 13,14 yrs old, I'm 50 now, still suffer flashbacks, have bad panic attacks, nightmares, mood swings, and I get given tablet told to get on with it, So hope you get the help you deserve mate, really do
Marty1970 steve34106
Posted
Hey Steve ...
I just came across this site today ... looked in the forums and came across your post.
I'm a fellow Vet mate.
Totally relate to what you are talking about. Also to what people have already replied.
Rather than tell a long story, I will just spit out the facts... I have had years, spent barking up the wrong tree .... both MOD & NHS .
I tried talking , but ... no one else understood my lingo ... Naafi speak .
Anyway - I told someone, and they knew someone who used "Combat Stress". I have never looked back mate. I called them , whilst in crisis .....3 bottles of wine down my neck, and climbing the walls.
Some one called me back after they had taken the basics.... and we "talked" . I mean , they spoke the same lingo, and I didnt have to explain what I said ... they " knew the speak" . No trauma talk .... just talking to a nurse, on the phone, that spoke my " language " .
Im now just over 2 years into my journey, after making that call.
Mate ... it isnt about the trauma details ... it is about that fact you have had a trauma.. that is all. Everyone of us is individual, and so is the way we percieve our traumas ... there is only what we are now. The Now.
The best thing for me, in going through the process of " recovery " through the aid of these people, is the fact that I met lads and lasses, that were the same as me ... they would say " im not worthy of help, some one else is worse than me " ... " I thought I was the only one ..."
Go get help Brother .. !!! Seriously. It is not all talking about your trauma - you dont do want you dont want to do ....but you will at least get pointed in the right direction to make a start.
Im currently looking to getting help from "help for heroes" too .
Gimme a nudge mate if you need to ... but get that ball rolling.
Marty
steve34106 Marty1970
Posted
MARTY....
cheers for the heads up with combat stress, i will get their details and make some comms with them, still feel uneasy about it but it needs nipping in the bud sooner rather than later, cant keep going on like this to be fair .
personally do you feel as if it made a big difference to you?
Marty1970 steve34106
Posted
Deffo ... the difference is huge.
It is a journey mate ... it isnt a one off thing that stops it all .
There will be ups and downs, laughter, and tears... but ... you will never be alone .
It is something that cannot be prescribed by a doctor ... it is priceless.
I feel that I have " control & choice" in my life again.
Of course you may feel uneasy, but you have already done the hard bit - and that was accepting to yourself, that you cant do it alone anymore. That in itself is a huge thing mate... really is.
After they called me back, and did a bit of a chit chat on the phone - just about my details ... no trauma talk ... I went to my missus and told her that " at last ... some one has listened to me, and that I feel like Im barking up the right tree "
I would recommend it 100% to anyone. Seriously.
The people there want to help. And the lads and lasses that go through them are just like you mate ... you will laugh when you realize that someone had the same thoughts as you mate.
Its a start mate , and there is no rush.