Offering a bit of experience in coping with Fibromyalgia.

Oh sweetie, I am so sorry to hear what you have been through. Sadly this is not uncommon. You are undoubtedly a very special person, but you do not know that yet. I endured jealous workmates as well. It took me into my 50's to know what was really going on Natalee. So now you have some real insight girl! Get to know who you really are. You will be amazed at the extraordinary person you are. Try to take self esteem tests online or read books on the subject. You will have the tools to build yourself up and gradually you will feel the peace you deserve. One day at a time, one lesson at a time sweetie. It is a breakthrough when you recognise the damage that words and attitudes create. Once you have these false statements in perspective, you will have insight and clarity. 

Thank you for your comment. You seem to have things in perspective and you are coping well. Accepting limitations has been a very big challenge for me. You want to do so much more and people's expectations are often an influence. Learning to say No at times is a real help. I have been a nurturer all my life which is part of who I am, but now I have learned to help those who actually help themselves. I find Fibro sufferers are some of the kindest and sensitive people I know. Thank you again. Wishing you all the best as well. 

Hi M

What an amazing post, thank you so much. I am also a very sensitive person and a bit of a perfectionist. I was diagnosed with FM about 4 years ago, but probably had it since my teens. (I'm 53 now). I live in the UK now but grew up in Germany. I was always very shy and anxious as a child, because of my mother's drinking. When I was 16, I saw a neurologist as I had constant headaches and she suggested even then to keep my stress levels low at all costs. Easier said then done. Anyhow, to cut a long story short, I married an English soldier at the age of 19, moved over to England, had a son and a daughter and been on antidepressants most of my adult life now. My first husband was very jealous & controlling, he had really bad OCD and made mine and the kids' life utterly miserable. My son is nearly 28 now, but sadly addicted to drink & drugs and trying to support him for nearly 14 years has been heart breaking and exhausting. I had to set firm boundaries and only see him occasionally now, which makes me so sad as he's a lovely person without his addiction. I am divorced now and HAPPILY REMARRIED. But I work in social work mental health, which is very challenging to say the least. The brain fog gets me down most days and I struggle to write up assessments etc. It takes me a lot longer than my colleagues. I saw my GP a couple of days ago as I'm feeling so achey and low in mood all the time (I forgot to mention that I recently lost my dad and I'm menopausal now, too). My GP suggested a career change ... But the upside of my job is that I have the most amazing work colleagues and a very supportive & understanding manager. I think I just need to learn to take better care of "Me" and learn new ways to manage stress better and relax more. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated. And thank you so much again for sharing your experiences. It just goes to show that we are all very strong ladies and real survivors.

Much love

Petra xx

Hello Petra. Wow girl! What an amazing and courageous life you have had! Yes I can see how you would have registered all those negative messages over the years. But Petra, you must not take on other people's issues. That is their responsibility, not yours to fix or to take on as if what they said defined who you really are. Just the fact that you continued to put up with these situations for so long, says so much about the amazing person you are! Many women would have walked away or gone down a destructive path. You still stuck to your integrity despite all the chaos. Again as I mentioned Fibromyalgia sufferers are more than often, self sacrificing and caring people. Yet we would never treat others as we do ourselves, right?. We are often the ones trying to support or encourage others to help them see their worth. Yet we forget about our own worth. Not that we don't get angry or frustrated at those we love. That is only to be expected! Goodness! What do we think we are; super beings! We are human and imperfect but we cannot seem to accept imperfection or limitations in ourselves. Yet we continue to put up with all the weaknesses of others. Ironic is it not! So no wonder we have reaped pain and fatigue in our bodies. The nervous system can only take so much. Petra; you my dear need to stop......and allow yourself to sit quiet and feel, I mean feel, what Petra really feels. Allow yourself to grieve, to cry and whatever you need to get those pent up feelings out. We can only be strong for so long. You must start to give yourself the same kind of care and attention that you give your son whom you love dearly despite his struggles. Nurture yourself the way you nurture him and understand yourself, the way you try to understand him. I remember years where I hardly ever took a moment to myself. There was always some kind of crisis to deal with. Now.... I make myself take the time for me. Reading a good novel, soaking in the tub with candles around it, sitting out in the sun and feeling the comforting warmth, listening to the birds or the breeze through the trees, watching a sunset, going away for a weekend with a friend, taking a drive in the country and other simple things like enjoying a cup of tea or coffee and a piece of cake. Just allowing yourself to BE Petra. And allow yourself to receive as well, not just giving. Get a journal and write down the things that you feel you can still be grateful for. Allow people to assume their own lives and responsibilities. Our children go through us Petra, but they are NOT us. We are all free moral agents with free will. Does anyone take responsibility for your choices? Not likely. Stop taking on other people's loads and responsibilities. We often become enablers whether we see it or not. We try to fix other people's pain because we feel pain. There is very little in this life that we have control over Petra. The only one we can really control is ourselves. You must try to stop yourself from worrying. All it does is exhaust us. It does not solve anything. Let Go and Let God. That is a saying that I try to live by. He has the power, not us. One day at a time Petra. You will succeed!   xx

Hi M. Thank you so very much for your kind comments and good advice. You are so right of course and that's what I'm trying to do now. One day at a time and just for today. And I also try to be grateful of all the good experiences in life, whether big or small. I have recently started to meditate again and enjoy a good soak in Epsom Salts at the end of the day. My daughter has given me 3 beautiful grandchildren and they are such a joy. But I don't like them to see me in pain or miserable, so quite often have to put up a front when I'm with them. It's just so good to hear from others with this debilitating condition and learn from each other. I'm truly grateful for this group.

Much Love

Petra

I wrote a response to you Linda and the site reloaded and I lost all of what I had written! Anyway trying again, I am so sorry for all that you have gone through. You certainly can maintain your employment Linda! Think about all that you have already been through girl! That proves to you that this is not a big hurdle for you. The biggest issue with you, is that you do not know what an amazing person you are. You must try to build your self esteem Linda. Get yourself some books on this and get to know who you truly are. You have allowed yourself to be defined by those who will dump their rubbish on sensitive ones because they are either envious or very insecure within themselves. Then we tend to carry this stinking garbage around with us throughout our lives. You must put a stop to those messages that are still in your mind. They are just not true Linda! You are a caring person who has had compassion for others but not for yourself. This is something that is crucial for you to work on. Nurturing You! You will manage your life and you will be able to support yourself. Compared to your past, this is not a big hill to climb Linda. Don't ever underestimate yourself anymore. And stop berating yourself up or comparing yourself to others. You must learn to accept your own situation and limitations and conserve your emotional and physical strength. Take time for yourself and do simple things that nurture your soul. A good book, a walk in a park, listening to the breeze through the trees, watching the birds, a warm bath, soft music, a glass of wine or a piece of cake. Simple gifts to yourself Linda. It is time to stop worrying about others. We have little control over what others do or think. So begin today Linda. Stop fretting about things. It's like sitting in a rocking chair and thinking you will get to a destination. Silly but that is the same about worry. Useless. Change the things you can and let go of the things you have no control over. You will succeed! xx

Thank you for your message you have given me hope and a lot to think about I wish I knew someone who is so wise near me to chat to im so glad I have found this forum im so used to looking after others im finding it difficult to seek the right help for me I did go to a M E clinic and I was told to pace myself I really tried but when at work you can't do that so they ggave up on me and said if i wasn't prepared to help myself they ddidn't want me back but when in a busy shop environment you can't take a break every so often I felt let down. I keep getting fibro fog and im getting a bit forgetful and exhausted sometimes I just want to sleep and be looked after but I only have my daughter and she has her own life and she works full time I feel it unfair to keep burdening her. What do you take to help with the pain x

I try to deal with the pain holistically. I rarely take any medications, only when I get a bad migraine. I see an Osteopath every so often and that seems to help somewhat. I take very warm baths with Epsom Salts which I get at a Health Food Store. I also apply heat in the way of bean bags and hot water bottles when the aches are extreme. I take sun baths regularly as well.  I find that a magnesium supplement helps with the muscle spasms too. I think we are often depleted of minerals so I try to take a mineral supplement now and then and I add Himalayan Salt to my diet which has all the minerals. I also find that a multi vitamin with the B vits help the nervous system. .....I really believe Linda that if you would lessen your stress levels away from work and really concentrate on doing things you enjoy, your work would take on a different aspect. I don't think it is your work that is draining you the most. It would be your personal life where you make too many emotional demands on yourself. We are often our own worst enemies. We have been conditioned by our experiences in life to get the whip out towards ourselves. Learn to be kind to yourself Linda as you would a best friend. If you have no one you feel you can confide in, write in a journal. I know it sounds simplistic but I assure you it helps.  Get yourself a pretty one and use it to confide all your feelings and worries. Once the thoughts are out of your head, you become more rational in your thinking and you then can find more reasonable solutions. We women often look outside ourselves to solve our emotional turmoil. But I have come to realise that no one can really change how we feel.  We need to get to know ourselves and begin to appreciate who we are as individuals. The more you nurture or give yourself the attention you need Linda, the stronger you will feel and less needy of turning to others for comfort. Try to stop the negative thoughts which will drain your energy. You will find then that you have the strength and the motivation you need to face the necessary tasks of life. xx