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Anxiety. Love hate relationship am I right?! It never leaves you alone so you have to learn how to deal with it. If it's not heart issues it's brain issues. If it's not that it's breathing issues. If it's not that then it's digestive issues. You can never win. Never. I thought I had it under control. My heart worries are gone. Then a month later some brain worries. If I had a brain tumor. Or a brain anuarysm. All of sudden I'm having digestive issues. Can I not win?. Guess I can't. Idk what to do honestly. I've been putting off taking meds because of the horrible side affects. But I think it's time. I was prescribed alprazolam. It's a type of xanax. Only supposed to take it as needed. I've been taking it in a healthy manner but much more often. So I was told when that happens to go see the doc. So might as well. I guess I just don't want to be on meds. Meds suck. Am I gonna be on them forever? I'm okay being on them forever as long as I can be normal. Cuz dang. This is not life. I cannot due anything. Seriously. It's taken over my life. I wanna be strong. But sometimes it's just to much. It gets overwhelming. I wanna wake up and have a normal day. I'm not even anxious anymore. But the symptoms are there. Is this ever gonna end. I often wonder why this happened to me. I was such a healthy outgoing person. I hiked, I ran, I played sports. Never went to the doctor before this. Never broke a bone. But I guess anxiety, stress, does not discriminate. It sucks. If I could only find a little bit of peace of mind. Something. I know i can beat this. But idk how or when. I just wanna be okay. I accept the fact that I have it. I accept that I now have to deal with this. But I cannot accept that I cannot be normal. I pray to God everyday to give me strength. To give me faith and that this one day it will pass. Some days I lose hope. Some days I have all the faith in the world. Some days it's just impossible to live with. I needed to get this out of my chest. It's not easy. I wish people around me understood that yeah I might be physically okay. That I might look okay and act okay. But inside I'm a hurricane. My mind is a blob. I'm just ready to burst. But they don't. And they don't have to. But it's okay. We will beat this someday.
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