Old friends want to see me dont know what to do

Posted , 6 users are following.

hi ive struggled with depression for around eight years. Subsequently ive struggled with holding a job down having relationshipships etc .Ive hidden away from everything im 26 and ive not done much with myself. My reason for this thread recently a couple of old friends have been trying to get me to meet up with them to catch up. Deep down i really want to see them because they were really good friends to me but the idea of meeting up with them is really daunting. For example when that question comes "so what have  you been doing with yourself" i cant just say oh nothing really just trying to find the courage to to kill myself how about you? Im considering just sending them a message just explaining how depressed i am and thats the reason i dissapeared but wouldnt i just weird them out piling this on them after no contact for years what would you do? i dont know if to just ignore them all together but they were really good to me and i feel really guilty for dropping out of their lives any one else had this worry? thanks for your time .

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11 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Jamie

    My love Im so sorry you have been through so much.

    I have had depression for 16 years, I now also have anxiety, I have pushed EVERYONE away including my family, I realise now that all the problems were me not my friend and family.  Now I have anxiety terrified of dying and I have no one, If I fell over at home today, I could lie here for months before anyone found me.

    Im not trying to scare you Im just saying dont push evetyone away, I know there are days when you just dont want to talk to anyone, take your time just do things at your pace and see where it goes.

    If you can talk to your family and friends then do it, depression isnt a taboo subject anymore.

    Dont be like me, try and have a life before its too late, you are still so young

    Take care my love and stay strongbiggrin

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    • Posted

      hi lynne thanks for your advice im sorry to hear your in a similar situation for what its worth im here for you if you ever need someone to talk to im here for you dont hesitate to message me  btw i took your advice and replied to one of my old friends just going to be honest with him i wouldnt have done that if you had not said something to so thankyou x
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  • Posted

    Hi Jamie I myself stopped contact with good friends of mine due to the loss of my son.I could not stand the how ate you when really I wanted to scream and say how do you think im feeling I dont want to ve here my son should be living instead of me ; so I just ignored calls and avoided them the best I could , its sad but it life and for some unfair .
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    • Posted

      im really sorry to hear about your son hope you find happiness i wish i had some really good advice for you but i dont. I dont feel comfortable trying to give you any advice i will never really understand i dont have children. Your right life is unfair.
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  • Posted

    Jamie.

    dont feel guilty.

    you haven't been well.

    be honest and just write them a lightweight note telling them you haven't been coping.

    if they are friends they will understand and support you.

    may be just what you need. 

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  • Posted

    Hi Jamie. I've been in this situation myself. It's very hard to decide what to do, and I found it very hard to find the courage to go along and meet up.

    In the end I decided to go and meet with my old friends, and when the dread question of "what have you been up to" came along.. I was just honest.

    I said "well, to be honest, I've been suffering from depression. Which has made various aspect of my life difficult, but I'm getting treatment to help me recover" I then threw in a positive about how my ilness hadnt stopped me from going on a recent holiday, and asked them if they had any holidays planned.

    Sure the conversation came back around to my depression, but it showed them that I was prepared to talk about it, and that I didnt want them to feel like it had to dominate the conversation as it where.

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  • Posted

    Hi Jamie I am glad you got in touch with your friends.  Even if you can't face meeting up do not lose touch with them as good friends are hard to find and need nourishing.  

    Do you have to talk about your depression at all?  I find that endlessly talking about mine makes me more depressed and I relish the chance to get away from it and just have a good time with my friends.  

    If you don't want to talk about it then don't - just laugh off any query about what you have been up to with a joke or something.  However I see nothing wrong is mentioning it (very low key though) and see how they respond.  You would be surprised how many people or their relations/friends have or are suffering from it.   Obviously you don't come right out and say anything like you want to kill yourself as that would be too much for them and would make it very awkward for all of you.

    They are good friends for a reason and good friends share their problems and their triumphs too so a little bit is fine.  x

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    • Posted

      hi hypercat thanks for your reply i considered not saying anything about the depression but i feel guilty ive pushed everyone away and ive done nothing with my life. I think people will know im lying because i used to be so full of life and outgoing and now im a recluse who only leaves the house once a week for football. I dont think im going to meet up with him anyway im so embarressed and ashamed of what i have become id rather them remember the old me. I just wish i could fall asleep and never wake up. I hate who ive become im sorry for all the self pity while i write i dont feel worthy to be venting all my feelings here but i dont know what im going to do things just never get any better for me and when i look around i see other peoples lives always seem to improve eventually but for me i just seem to get worse as life goes on ah well dont know why i just wrote all this to you so sorry i guess
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    • Posted

      Hi Jamie you must stop feeling guilty and ashamed.   It is not a stigma these days you know to suffer from depression as 1 person in 4 will at some stage in their lives. 

      Is it your fault?  is it anything you have done to cause it?  No - it's just random.   If you were a rugby player for example and sustained a serious injury would you feel guilty and ashamed?   No of course you wouldn't coz that's life.  Well this is that's life too and you would be surprised how understanding others can be and you must give your friends a chance to be a friend to you.   Wouldn't you want the same if a friend was going through this?  Wouldn't you be hurt if they dropped you without explanation?  

      Your thoughts are depression thoughts and they can't be trusted. They are by their very nature negative so please don't listen to them.  Be guided instead by those who love you and only want the best for you.  

      Once you accept what has happened to you through no fault of your own you can start to heal.   I am a lot older than you and there are times in life where we reach a plateau and do nothing with our lives for a while.  But life is about change and things will change for you.   You have to help them along a bit though.... 

      Rather than feel guilty and ashamed praise yourself for your courage to deal with this awful illness and how strong you are.   Set a limit on your self pity ie allow yourself half an hour or something a day,  then resolutely turn your mind to something else.  Not easy but nothing worthwhile ever is is it?   Always here for you my friend so just come in as much as you need to and we will do our best to help and support you.   Bev xx

       

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