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After the crises I've been facing lately, yesterday I cracked. I wanted to take an entire bottle of pain pills. I was sick of the pain I'm in, the lack of respect and I help I get at home.
I've had constant trouble reaching my psychiatrist, and after leaving her a message yesterday morning about the pills, I waited all day for a call from her.
Time went on and I forgot about my feelings of suicide. I was talking to my landlord yesterday evening when she called and I couldn't get her call. I tried calling back only to find office hours were over.
15 minutes later, paramedics were at my door. I hadn't called, didn't think anything of it. But when we saved them away, they insisted on talking to me and it was discovered that my psychiatrist had called.
The on call psychiatrist said he didn't feel comfortable letting me go home, and said he was going to admit me on a voluntary hold.
I got to the floor close to midnight, and slept on and off for about 18 hours. I desperately needed the sleep.
We get to keep our phones here which is nice, where I've been in the past, we were not allowed to have phones at all.
What I don't understand is, if my psychiatrist was so concerned yesterday, then why would she have not have made an effort to see me today. I know she's not in tomorrow, and I doubt she'll followup after I'm released.
But I need this break.
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