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on and off depression

Posted , 4 users are following.

sfha
sfha

hi

ok, here goes

first some basic info

- mid twenty

- male

- have a job

- single

i have been on and off depression my entire life (genetic: my parents take sleeping pills and anti depressants), i don't take any.

Lately i've been having an increasing baldness, which is yet again causing me a depression. Whenever I go out with friends or go to the gym, I look in the mirror and my self loathing increases. I just wanna go home and do nothing anymore.

On top of all, I really don't feel like trying to accomplish anything anymore. Just go to my job, watch tv shows and sleep. That's just what I call 'my life'.

I know it seems a little selfish to just say because i am balding or smth that my life sucks and that I will never find a gf, but that's just how my mind works. I feel like I have stranded in life. I have already been to a psychologist once but that wasn't really helpfull, she just told me things I already knew. 

How do you get over these things?

 

2 likes, 13 replies

13 Replies

  • angela10215
    angela10215 sfha

    Posted

    Havnt you heard the saying "Bald men are sexy"?

    Seriously,give yourself a break. There is nothing wrong with male patterned baldness and if girls dont accept you for who you are then its them who need help.

    Love yourself more.

    • sfha
      sfha angela10215

      Posted

      Thank you that's true.

      That is what my mind says, unfortunately the heart doesn't always follow the mind.

  • ali12345
    ali12345 sfha

    Posted

    First of all, bald men are in style right now.  And if they aren't bald they shave their heads.  I understand what you are saying though.  You need to put on your big boy pants and force yourself to get out and live your life.  Just because you went to a psychologist and she told you nothing you didn't know, you had the wrong psychologist.  Try another, and then another until you find one you feel comfortable with.  A good psychologist will not tell you what you already know, but she/he will help you figure out why you feel like you do.  Don't give up on that.  Start with your primary doc and talk to him.  If you need a low dose antidepressant try it, but there's too much life out there to miss out on.  Push yourself to get out once or twice a week with friend.  Don't look for a girlfriend.  You will find one when you stop looking.  Everyone gets depressed on and off.  You can't be happy all the time.  Just suck it up and move on to tomorrow, but please talk to your doctor or any psychologist.

     

  • sfha
    sfha

    Posted

    hi,

    I see a lot of people focussing on the baldness part, that's not it.

    More general question could be:

    how do you cope with the fact that when getting older you start to notice that a lot of things do not go as expected and you get (increasingly) disappointed about several things?

    • ali12345
      ali12345 sfha

      Posted

      You need to talk to someone.  Life has given us all bad breaks.  Nothing is perfect.  I lost my 30 year old son to colon cancer.  That certainly didn't go as expected, right?  Find a good therapist, or a group to join that deals with this.  Start with your primary.  I did, and he got me through the pain of losing my only child.  You may need some meds.  Don't be afraid of them.  They got me through the worst time of my life.  Oh, of course, I didn't mention the divorce, the job loss, the years I had to live on welfare.  You are right, my life didn't go as expected.  I just kept pulling myself back up and trying again.

       

    • sfha
      sfha

      Posted

      wrong smiley...
    • sfha
      sfha ali12345

      Posted

      The responses are true and good, it helps to hear someone else than constantly having to listen to your inner voice.
    • Digsby
      Digsby sfha

      Posted

      Hi mate,

      Don't be hard on your "inner voice" - it's something you have to live with for the rest of your life. However, it is just one opinion and it isn't always correct. Your inner voice can be your toughest critic ;-)

      It's OK to have dreams and life-goals. But if my depression has taught me one thing it is to lower my expectations on my self (and other people). I just read something today that really hit home: "Love doesn't hurt; it's expectations that hurt." I've found that to be true in my life. I'm trying to use some self-love techniques that my therapist has taught me (whatever is going through your mind right now, that's not what self-love, in a therapeutic sense, is about!) Just cut yourself some slack buddy and don't be so tough on yourself. Find what makes you tick and go for that and you will rediscover your mojo. You won't feel like this forever. Like you my whole family (divorced parents + big brother) is in therapy or on ADs but I don't like the idea that I am predisposed by my genes to go that same route. I'd like to think that I have some say in the matter, but if I need some medication or therapy to get me back on track (and I have), then that's OK.

      I wish you luck my friend. You are not alone so any time you need to voice your frustration on this forum, you will find a friendly response.

      Let us know how you get on.

      Digsby

    • sfha
      sfha Digsby

      Posted

      Thank you.

      It's the smallest things that can sometimes cause a low mood if you are prone to depression.

      I have the same attitude towards AD, but sometimes the struggle is really tiring, but I hope it's worth the fight in the end.

       

    • Digsby
      Digsby sfha

      Posted

      Very true - sometimes you can deal with something obvious, but the small things can get under our skin and wriggle about there. It's best to deal with them firmly and don't let them take root. I know it's easier said than done! Try writing the negative stuff down to get it out of your system and acknowledge that you have addressed it. Then put it away somewhere (or even throw the written paper away). It does not need to have any power over your life.

      Energy levels can really fluctuate in this daily wrestle with depression. Some days are better than others. A bad day does NOT mean you are back at square 1. there's no such thing as square 1 - you are on a journey and that is always forwards. You might pause to take stock of things, and give yourself some recovery time, but you are never going backwards. Take care my friend and get in contact if you need any encouragement. There are many of us on the same journey :-)

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