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On the verge of giving up.. just want to know what you all think

Posted , 5 users are following.

keepingitquiet
keepingitquiet

I'll try and keep this short! I was diagnosed with Anxiety in 2012, however, now im beginning to wonder if Depression is playing a part in this too.

Basically, I am never happy with anything, work, home, anything. I am constantly trying to make myself happy, usually by shopping and spending a stupid amount of money on things i don't need. I am also very very irritable and impatient. I snap at people very easily and have no control over it. This is clearly causing some tension between family now. I have little to no confidence in myself or anything I do and hate myself daily for one reason or another. Very often, I wish i was just never alive in the first place, and do wonder what would happen if i just caved in and killed myself.. rolleyes

Things have recently gotten worse, I got into a new relationship three months after my previous long term relationship came to an end and we have only been together for roughly two months. He is lovely and really does boost my confidence, I have trid to explain to him that I have anxiety and have occasional panic attacks, but i think it just went over his head confused Anyway, the biggest strain on our relationship is that he does Motocross (dirt bike racing) and i am seriousy struggling to come to terms with it.. for the following reasons:

- he races most weekends, so we end up losing the entire weekend together

- there is never a break from it, he is either always talking to his mates/dad about it, or buying stuff for his bike

- if hes not racing, he's practicing, but again, that can take up the entire day

- if he has a race at the weekend, he spends hours preparing his bike for it beforehand.

- not to mention how dangerous it is! I live in fear of him having an accident. (he had a very very bad one 2 years ago)

I hate everything about it, but am trying my best to support him and go to the races with him.. but its taking it's toll now. I worry about him to the point i feel sick.. if something actually happened to him, i dont know if i would even cope. I cant do it any more. I cried the entire way home when i left his house the other night. I can't focus on anything else and its driving me further and further down than I already am. I dont know what to do. I feel that if i didnt have this anxiety and possible depression, i could cope with this so much better and more normally.. he doesnt deserve this at all... what do you all think? thank you

0 likes, 5 replies

5 Replies

  • mrmeanerz
    mrmeanerz keepingitquiet

    Posted

    Hi Keepingitquiet,

     I know what you are experiencing right now can be hard. I had the same situation with my ex-girlfriend. I am an avid researcher and I want to help the community with the things I discover. She was unhappy because all I do is research. But I didn't realize that I used my work and career as an excuse to avoid 'certain' questions in our relationship.

     Eventually, I kept everything inside and I had a massive panic attack and I did all sorts of tests along the way, thinking it was a heart attack. After a 2 month ordeal, I decided to bring out the skeletons in the closet and see them for myself. And course, I shared it with her too. We are not compatible though we had everything else in common.

     What I am trying to say is that you need to approach your partner and really ask him what is on his mind. He could just be very passionate about dirt-bike racing, like how I was doing research work. Or it could be something else. I am just stating my reasons based on my own observation though. I kept everything inside till I lost myself and my true identity.

     You should not be too upset, you have anxiety and of course that makes matters worse. Just learn to be with him, and in due time, tell him what you feel. I am sure you'll get a right answer that would be very consoling for you. Take care.

    Y.

    • keepingitquiet
      keepingitquiet mrmeanerz

      Posted

      I appreciate your answer, and its nice to hear it from the other persons point of view. I believe my boyfriend isn't trying to avoid anything or has anything on his mind - it is purely a hobby he loves doing which takes up a lot of his time. He has said to me he is trying to juggle work with racing and keeping me happy, but in my opinion, he just doesnt have the time for a serious relationship. He works very long hours through the week too.. thank you though.
  • tracie20455
    tracie20455 keepingitquiet

    Posted

    Perhaps its time you communicated to him honestly and told him how you feel! Sometimes guys just don't realise how neglected we are feeling .... That's what I am picking up on reading between the lines... Also, as long as he is taking all the usual adequate safety measures, trust that he is doing his best to prevent another accident and try your hardest to think positive... I know thats easy said than done for people like us...first things first , sit him down and tell him how you feel
  • sarah86347
    sarah86347 keepingitquiet

    Posted

    Wow we share the same story. I originally got anxiety in 2011/2012 which turned into depression because I finally left my abusive boyfriend the Xmas just gone. I have now been in a new relationship for 3 months. I am no longer depressed but I still suffer with anxiety, although it is getting better.

    What are you doing about your anxiety? Are you implementing any relaxation, CBT, or talking therapy?

    The motorcross, apart from the safety issue, what is the problem with that? If it takes up a weekend then it is his hobby. I know that sounds harsh but if he stopped it then your anxiety is then effecting his life too, and essentially it is winning?

    I think on these race days you need to assign yourself a worry time, say 7pm when you get home. When you feel a worry coming on say to yourself you are not forgetting about it, you will think about it later on. This way you are controlling worry and it is not controlling you and your life. 

    I would also think you are ruminating - worrying about worry. This also needs to stop to ensure you are happier.

    Label your fears as worries, and realise they are just that. A thought is just a thought, but you are feeling fear because you are adding an importance to it instead of alowing it to just pass.

    Other people will worry about their partners or children who motorcross race and Im guessing you have wondered how they arnt feeling the same way you are?

    If thats the case its simply because they do have the thoughts of 'what if he crashes' but they arnt holding onto them and making them 'real' imagining how they would cope ect. 

    It is you that does not deserve this, but as with us all on here, we have a temporary issue that is not our fault however it has happened.

    you WILL find your way.

    I recommend having a read of metacognitive therapy online, it really really helped me xx 

     

  • richard89308
    richard89308 keepingitquiet

    Posted

    why don't you get a hobby of your own so that you can occupy your time and not worry about him when he isn't there.

    Richard

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