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on the whole, a better day was had

Posted , 4 users are following.

david_25160
david_25160

hello everybody, hello world, just an update regarding me...... still here, which does help, and today has been bliss compared to the past few days. still the niggling headache but I'm getting used to it, less anxious today, did'nt feel as stressed either, fingers crossed I've turned a corner! not counting my chickens just yet, mainly because I do'nt have any chickens. trying to inject a wee bit of "humour" into things helps, although perhaps it's only me that laughs? I do hope everybody else that I've spoken with is slowly but surely seeing light at the end of the tunnel..... caio for now, David smile

 

0 likes, 11 replies

11 Replies

  • katecogs
    katecogs david_25160

    Posted

    Glad to see you've turned a corner ....... recovery is slow, and each week / month you'll see a difference.  I always found it was 2 steps forward, 3 steps back - little blips every now and then, move forward and feel happier, then another blip, move forward again.

    Shame there's no actual chickens :-) 

    • david_25160
      david_25160 katecogs

      Posted

      hi katecogs, yeah I agree with that sentiment, 1 step forward 2 steps back it's a strange journey we are on is'nt it? but the ultimate destination makes all the ups and downs worthwhile. as I said earlier it's the time period that scared me initially, having to wait 6-8 weeks, maybe more maybe less for things to even out, that was so daunting at the time, I can't believe that 3 weeks have passed by already, where has that time gone? was I asleep?? counting chickens haha, take care yeah, chat soon smile
  • carl58303
    carl58303 david_25160

    Posted

    Based on the personal experience of one person - me - once you start to improve, you carry on i,proving and all the 'side effects' drop away - started at the beginning of week four for me. Getting active in your recovery is a great help, too, I reckon - injecting a llittle humour sounds fine to me!

    That headache will soon disappear now you're saying things like, " less anxious today, did'nt feel as stressed either" and your mood should improve, if you follow the same route as me, anyway.

    I finish my fifth week today and I have a hard time remembering how I felt back when I was having suicidal ideation - it seems impossible that I was like that even though I definitely was!!! I've still not reached Kate's joy at being alive again but I can feel the day coming. Not too far away.

    Had a dipped day yesterday, with aches and pains I chose to give into but today I choose to get on with my stretches again. Plan is to walk without sticks - not sure how far, but without sticks. I start at the gym on Monday. 69 years old at the gym, in therapy talking about childhood experiences - again - sheesh, but depression has a lot to annswer for!!

    • david_25160
      david_25160 carl58303

      Posted

      Hello carl, I'm delighted to read about your continued improvement with the fluoxetine, also the going to the gym part! well done that man!! it must be devastating having back problems of that magnitude, I slipped a disc last year and know the pain that resulted in, all my own fault not lifting heavy objects correctly sad hey these suicidal thoughts are so scarey are'nt they? thankfully mine have gone away, hopefully to never return!! glad to hear the headaches will fade away too, they are a constant reminder of everything bad. good luck with the gym next week carl, before you know it you'll be entering Mr Universe competitions..... keep smiling, do'nt let the b*stards win smile
  • katecogs
    katecogs david_25160

    Posted

    Good to see both your journeys are going along nicely.   It's good to talk and share our similar journeys - I always thought I was the only one with this weird illness, feelings and thoughts.  This site could have been such a help back then (mind you there wasn't computers then)!  Yes the time does pass quick when you look back, but when you're 'in it' it just seems forever.

    Glad to hear you're up and about Carl, and you deserve a day of rest if you're full of aches and pains.  Gym eh?  Sounds good!

    I still get flat days, but am feeling oh so much better :-)  Life certainly is good once out of that tunnel cheesygrin

    • carl58303
      carl58303 katecogs

      Posted

      I know what you mean by 'flat days', Kate - had a couple or twelve of those myself. What I am beginning to see is that Flu evens a day out - no great highs or lows, a low amplitude sine wave sort of thing, never too far from the 'normal' line. This, I feel, is OK because it does away with dramas and I like that - get laid back, man! My concern, if this latest theory is true, is about where the joy fits in - joy is a high and it seems like Flu flattens the curve too much.

      I'm trusting you over my theories, though! Feeling the joy of living again remains my goal!!

    • katecogs
      katecogs carl58303

      Posted

      I think at this stage days do even out, so you don't get that really bad anxiety and emotional state.  I found with me that following this stage I then started to notice I began to enjoy things again and realised sometimes I hadn't thought of 'it' for a while.  That slowly increased until I hardly thought of my illness anymore and it didn't occupy my mind 24/7 as it used to. I felt free to think properly.

      Yes all SSRI's flatten that curve, but I think it also allows you to start feeling normally again, frees up your mind and allows you to enjoy things once more.

       

    • carl58303
      carl58303 katecogs

      Posted

      I suspect I am 'cured' of 'it' for this time in that 'it' doesn't bother me hardly at all. Difference this time is that I'm not walking away from 'it' with relief and pretending it didn't happen - this time I acknowledge that I have been ill and am still in recovery from it. I'm spending some of the recovery time in learning more about it, from a medical perspective as well as personally. So part of that is taking responsibility for it for the first time - what do I do to get myself into this hole and what do I do to get out of it; what have I done to my relationships while I was in it?

      I know that depression is my escape route from too heavy an emotional time so I need to think about ways to better cope and manage my emotions - though I'm not at all sure about how to cope with a series of big life events slamming into your life in a short space of time. I know already that I need to talk and off-load more instead of being strong and bearing it all by myself - that strategy never has worked even though I've believed it did all my life - except for when I 'inexplicably' got depressed!!

      Flatttens the curve and frees your mind of the clutter and garbage of depression, eh? Sounds good, Kate - it leaves room for joy!

    • katecogs
      katecogs carl58303

      Posted

      Depression is so weird isn't it.  Creeps up on you then hits you full in the face and hangs around and dogs every footstep we take.

      Sounds good that it isn't bothering you so much now :-)  Years ago I read everything I could about the illness, read all Dr Weeks books which were the first books which actually made sense of it all.  I wish doctors would read them as they could give great advice to patients.

      Yes I've also analysed what makes me sink into the hole, and I know how to get out now - albeit it very hard to do so, but with medication and that great word 'acceptance'.  I wish I could go back and maybe change how I behaved with people around me when I was ill, but I know that wasn't 'me' and it was just my mind and body reacting to being ill.  Again I have to accept that.

      Yes it was big emotional times that first triggered my depression .... that's something I learnt only recently!  Talking is a great healer, and this is such a good site to do that with like minded people.

      Yes, joy ..... what a great word that is! biggrin

  • karen13323
    karen13323 david_25160

    Posted

    these posts give me great inspiration that my daughter will soon be on the road to recovary, and it is possible for her to get her life back.

    i broke my neck in 2008, and i have found massage helps greatly with the muscle spasms and maybe that would be worth thinking about with your aches and pains Carl,

    kate, my mum sufferes from manic depression, and i had a rather strange childhood because of it, but its given me the strengh and knowledge to see the symptoms in my daughter, and for that i am grateful, i learnt when to nuture, and when to back off, because of your experiances, you can help others, and thats a wonderful gift to have, its an awful illness to live with, wether your going through it, or watching the pain of someone you love suffer, but you all give me hope. x

    • katecogs
      katecogs karen13323

      Posted

      Yes it's great to connect with similar people and stories here on this site, as it gives inspiration and support.

      Though I had depression many years ago and recovered and it was such a dreadful time in my life, I'm now grateful for the experience as it's made me appreciate life so much more, and as you say Karen, given me the experience to help my son, and others.

      :-) x

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